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HOW DO YOU KNOW HE/SHE IS THE ONE AND WHAT QUALITIES DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A PARTNER?

Written by Kerrie from the blog Life is Good on 15 Jun 2012
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Most people get into relationships, especially women, with the prospect of getting married. The word marriage is like music to most women's ears, it does magic to their being, their souls swell beyond imagination at the sound of that word!

Despite this beautiful feeling, some will realize after they've committed themselves to their men that he is not the man she wants, just because he'd said he'll marry her, she'd jumped in blindly without analyzing the situation and thinking through before taking action.

So how do you know that he/she is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, even though death sometimes gets jealous and take the other partner away!! What is it that you want in a man? It took me a while to have a serious relationship because all the time after i have agreed to go out with a guy, i'd scrutinize him for any fault, even the ones that needs a microscope and i'd find a way of jilting them before the relationship got serious and damn, i was a lonely soul for a long time! Yes, there are qualities i want in a man but back then, if one of them was missing, i'd run for my life.........

69 Comments

mangqezu
15 Jun 2012 12:16

What is it that you want in a man

Patience in abudance, be respectful, honest, reliable, have some intergrity and be trustworthy
I also find it difficult to be with a man who pays less tax than me so he must have iart yemali and I'm flexible on that either you are book smart or street smart but just be resourceful cos I am.

So how do you know that he is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with
I thought I'd found the one but wangiphoxa . So I'm waiting to be found as my friend says a woman shud wait to be found so says the bible . In the meantime I'll just busy myself with the Lord's work.

MsKim
15 Jun 2012 12:31

What is it that you want in a man

i'm with u mangqezu.

So how do you know that he is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with

if i don't catch him in a lie.
if he talks abt the future (obviously w me in it)
if he wants the things i want (love, kids, home) then i'll knw he is the one

Kerrie
15 Jun 2012 13:46

What is it that you want in a man
A considerate man, very patient and somebody who is not afraid to voice their opinion. I want somebody i can be friends with, to laugh, cry , fight, kiss and make up with *hahaha*.
So how do you know that he is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with
i'll know he is the one when he gives me a kiss on the forehead and tells me that it's gonna be alright even when i'm the one who messed up. when he rolls his sleeves in the kitchen and gets his hands dirty #i love the sight of a man in the kitchen#

myname
15 Jun 2012 13:53

So I'm waiting to be found as my friend says a woman shud wait to be found so says the bible . In the meantime I'll just busy myself with the Lord's work.

Thanks Manqgezu, i like this! ((-

What is it that you want in a man
I need a good listener, someone with sense of humour coz laughter is the good medicine,he must have respect, someone kind and extrovert not the-ever-serious-man, someone with good conflict resolution, i need some fun, some good sex, i need some support esp emotional support, someone i will grow old with and who puts his family first not some selfish bastard. Not really rich but we should afford.

So how do you know that he is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with
I havent got one and people have said i'll know but i am dating someone at the moment and akakakhulumi ngezo and dont ask me why ndingambuzi.

caro
15 Jun 2012 14:03

What is it that you want in a man
tell me he loves me and do wateva it takes jus to be with me, no lies, i want to be able to rely on him. care..somebody with a caring heart and cry sometyms..lol not a softie who hides in mommy's skirt when the going gets tough.

So how do you know that he is the one you want to spend the rest of your life
i'l knw he is the one when he enjoys my company, and neva mind going out in public with me, when he can cope with everything @ home during my absence,somebody who spoils me of cz...

Kerrie
15 Jun 2012 14:23

If your boyfriend / girlfriend is ignoring you, send them an expired airtime voucher numbers. O tlo utlwa wena. The reply will be... "Ha di tsene, Love”

VusiK
23 Jul 2012 12:03

Everything I want resides within a tight-arsed set of principles.

Awesome communication
High availability
Loyalty
Honesty
Truthfulness
Transparency
Faith
Faithfulness
a Single minded sense of priority toward her commitments
Humility
A Homebody
A banging body
Awesome sex.

Pretty is not even on the list ...
Pretty generally runs with none of the above.

Kerrie
23 Jul 2012 12:22

for a person's physical beauty to shine it has to come from within, from the inside!
the sex can be only awesome if both parties deliver equally, o mong a sa tswafe...
VusiK, what's the probability of finding all these in one person, aim for atleast 85% of the most important ones.....

Dhee
23 Jul 2012 12:43

I for one would go for
Awesome communication
Honesty
Truthfulness
Faithfullness
Availability if not has to be a clear goood understandable excuse and no it nust not be at last minute thing!
Awesome, marvelours, wild sex
and a very gooooooooooooooood kisser.

Kerrie
23 Jul 2012 14:41

hahaha, Dhee, i would also like a gooooooooooooood kisser, one that will make my knees go weak, turn into jelly...

VusiK
23 Jul 2012 14:54

@Kerrie .. I have started actually speaking with someone who is promising, and generally delivering over 90% of the qualities I have listed.

No banging body, she says ...(Her photos say it is a gook/ ok bod, but not rocking) and I have no idea of the sex, but she says the sex will live up to the promise.

She is rather modest, so ... we keep talking until we are K with moving forward ... as long as it is an inch at a time ...
Coming from an extremely wealthy family, she has never encountered money in its politics and applications, and that is probably what I find most attractive ... a really sheltered product that is a clean enough unburnt sheet of paper to allow us to write our own script.
I am tired or corrections, rewrites, re-edits, and damage repairs of some other scumbag assholes damage.
She brings none of the damage and baggage, or luggage that women generally haul around from relationship to relationship.
There is potential in this particular woman for me.
most important ... she has NO friends, and no social life, and is a true homebody.
She is an awesome fit,
I am in no hurry whatsoever, by any means to be in a relationship ...
even though I see her impatience ... she says she will go with the slower speed between the two of us.

I think it is possible to get all of these things.

VusiK
23 Jul 2012 14:56

It is however impossible to determine the true essence of anyone until they live it with you.

mangqezu
23 Jul 2012 15:04

lol @ the damaged goods line

VusiK
23 Jul 2012 15:28

I did not mean any disrespect boSisi bam'.

Too many people deny their prospects true potential by lugging their damage and dusting it off at every opportunity they get ...
Bad Move ladies ...
That's just begging to be hit & run, ...
and you will deserve being played ...
because you expect it to happen .. so why not !

ayashah
23 Jul 2012 15:39

sex can be only awesome if both parties deliver equally, o mong a sa tswafe...
VusiK, what's the probability of finding all these in you made my dae it means wena a go tswafe kikikikikiki

Kerrie
23 Jul 2012 16:11

Aya, nna ga ke tswafe tshomi yaaka, ke kgeleke, when we done they have to ask, "when am i seeing you again"....hahahaha.......

VusiK, i think you should wait and see if she's really ready to deliver all those goods, she sounds promising!

VusiK
23 Jul 2012 16:54

lol ...

Minimum criteria ... Awesome sex ... not negotiable.
It is not going to last if at least that part is fulfilled.

VusiK
23 Jul 2012 16:58

For ALL the sacrifices I make in life to fulfill any expectations any spouse can deam of materially ....

angacingi a-Mess-about ngezinto zami ... Ngifuna izinto eziphelele ezitheshayo no matter kanjani !

Awesome sex is a no-compromise zone for me.

End of story !

Green.arrow
23 Jul 2012 17:00

Vuss doesn't a 'home body' translate to a person with depression issues aka baggage (more often than not). I've tried arguing againts this theory but everyone I've had a discussion with feels, a little bit of outgoing shows emotional stability than someone who is not social. I'm also tempted to ask what 'awesum sex' is but arg doesn't matter, don't think ill ever relate to that.

Green.arrow
23 Jul 2012 17:07

:) re: the questions. I realy don't get relationships, I'm more comfortable when I'm alone. *chuckles* I wonder if my view would be the same if I wasn't angry with my man. Anyhow,today I wish I never tried this relationship thing. Paul was right to emphasize on being single in Corinthians, plus nna I can, sadly I just opened a can of worms by trying this bloody dating thing, what will I do with marriage when its no longer bout the two of us but family as well.

Cnglemother
23 Jul 2012 17:18

usijwayela kabi Vusi!all i need is respect,love and abe-employed qha.explosive sex i dont care much about it i have had that all my life,through all my multiple failed relationships sex has been one aspect that excelled.

Cnglemother
23 Jul 2012 17:27

ntombi kaVusi bakithi too good to be true!unebaggage engaka wena?

Cnglemother
23 Jul 2012 17:28

VusiK
23 Jul 2012 17:29

I don't think so GA.

I see a homebody as someone who is more comfortable at home than out of it.I'm a homebody ... I'm at home unless it is absolutely necessary for me not to be home.
Socializing is important, but if one has not developed the requisite social skills to avoid being an incurable introvert by the time their in their teens ... they are never going to be social.
I am not looking for a broken somebody.
There are plenty of people who are sociable ... but not social animals.I have a cousin who is one of the wealthiest men in the country ... He is 40, no children, single ... with absolutely no hope of marrying ... at least so he says ... but he is an absolutely committed family man.
I am probably boderline antisocial ... and a committed family person.

I've been burnt many-a-times by women .. but it insufficient excuse to punish every woman for the sins of those who tread all over me before the next one came along.

However ... It is important to listen to what I have to say about my "Danger-buttons" .... and the greatest weakness of women is the inability to listen to what men have to say about themselves ...
The men in my family say it is a genetic reality ... but when such buttons are pressed ... There is only one result ... We exit before we are burnt ... and we say so.

But I like the present candidate ... Her words, actions and life path correspond with what she presents ... Consistency is extremely important to me.I like knowing everything ... within very tight tollerances.

It'll take a phenomenal person for me to decide to CONSIDER taking seriously.

I am CONSIDERING taking this new candidate earnestly.

VusiK
23 Jul 2012 17:35

My family would (and can) move mountains to see me married again.

They have prowled the entire planet for a fit and match.
Yes ... I come from a peculiar family ... Sue Me!

I am very transparent & non-compromising on what I consider fundamental and trust me ... my criteria is a TALL order .. beyond the reach and ability of someone who wants to have a "Normal" life.

This one ... could be a very good fit.
Until I take a decision on her ability and fit with me ... and vice versa.

I have my mistress , who provides Awesome sex ... and has a banging body.

VusiK
23 Jul 2012 17:36

Nginayo Cingle ...

I don't want more.

VusiK
23 Jul 2012 17:37

My days of compromise are over ...
So I don't!

carino
23 Jul 2012 18:36

Lol @ Cnglema being upfront and frank with Vusi. Hayi cha, le nna when I saw his long list I shook my head.

VusiK
23 Jul 2012 18:59

Carino ... Long long time ... and where have you been?

Cnglemother
23 Jul 2012 20:12

40;black;rich & no kids?Mavusana what a rare and most sought after package.can i pm u my details?Cariri i saw your birthday wish msg and thank u much.

Green.arrow
23 Jul 2012 20:27

Vuss, all the best with this one, although the 'homebody' bit may be on the thin line between what you want and what u don't want.

VusiK
23 Jul 2012 21:07

lol ... We will see GA.
I'll ask him for you Cngle .

carino
23 Jul 2012 21:46

I've been silent blogging, Vus. I'm here, just not here:-). Cnglema. You totally welcome, love. Personally, I think the long lists are just confusing and might keep you in circles. Umna, now looking back at it, my list only had one entry and one box. Commitment. Everything else he covers coz he is committed.

FK
23 Jul 2012 22:20

No banging body, she says ...(Her photos say it is a gook/ ok bod, but not rocking) and I have no idea of the sex, but she says the sex will live up to the promise.

@Vusik did you meet her via online dating or customer care or, if you dont mind me asking

VusiK
24 Jul 2012 07:49

@FK .... we have not met in person yet. We were supposed to meet this week ... something happened, so we will meet some other time.
Our families know one another, even though they are sceptics regarding us as potentials. We spend time online, we live on different continents.

Kerrie
24 Jul 2012 08:30

VusiK's list is too long, like i asked yesterday, what is the probability of finding all those qualities in one person? just look for the major ones and others you can compromise!

For ALL the sacrifices I make in life to fulfill any expectations any spouse can deam of materially ....

you not supposed to go into a relationship with somebody cos of what they have, materially, do it for love! i for one, prefer my own money, my own car, my own things and my granny always tells me men are going to run away, that i'm too independent........

VusiK
24 Jul 2012 08:47

you not supposed to go into a relationship with somebody cos of what they have, materially, do it for love!

Show me one person who does not have material comfort in abundance on her real list.

I happen to be speaking to one who this particular item is not as important as it is to most.

VusiK
24 Jul 2012 08:49

VusiK's list is too long,

ALL that on the list is what is important to me in my old age ... not just one or some ... ALL OF IT.

FK
24 Jul 2012 09:50

@Vusik, I see, thanks and all the best

Kerrie
24 Jul 2012 09:53

if one likes fine things, see that you get them for yourself, don't depend on somebody else to get them for you! i do that cos i don't want the case whereby when things go sour the other party would be saying you are what you are cos of them and to avoid disappointments also. what if the person you dependent on for those things is unable to give you what you want at a particular time........

VusiK
24 Jul 2012 10:04

see that you get them for yourself

Once one has these finer things ...
it rarely happens that one would opt to be with a person who is unwilling to appreciate them fully, nor the willingness to engage the effort to appreciate them .... and
appreciate not meaning saying "I like your car", or "nice house" ... but actually understanding and appreciating all the effort that went into getting them ...

Material matters ARE extremely important ...
downplay them all you wish ...
I have never met anyone who was totally satisfied with Love sandwiches ... I know I can't eat them and be full / satisfied.

carino
24 Jul 2012 10:47

Kwaaaaaa @ "love sandwiches"

Cnglemother
24 Jul 2012 12:08

lol@the sandwich part!

JadaPinkett
24 Jul 2012 12:11

I ONLY KNW WHEN HE FALL DOWN ON HIS KNEES EN ASKIN ME TO MARRY HIM.......DAT'S WHERE I WILL KNW HE'S THE ONE FOR ME.

VusiK
24 Jul 2012 12:39

Do men still get on their knees ... or
is hollywood just baking everyone's brain ...

I'm not getting on my knees.
period.

mangqezu
24 Jul 2012 13:13

@Jada I remember a blog here a long time ago about the very same topic on men falling down on their knees proposing and someone said yena she and her partner were sitting on the bed and he just went 'Ngcono sishade' lmao so don't be disappointed if it neva happens

on material things I agree @VusiK we all like to say they are the least important but ngamanga uthando olungenamali luyabhora shame at least lamba ngoba u're a work in progress to getting somewhere big hayi uzohlala ungumalambane and expect things to be rosy not where I'm concerned

Cnglemother
24 Jul 2012 13:24

all the best ke Vusi nosisiza,hopefully you will measure up each other's expectations when you finally meet,izinto zaonline zinehaba most of the time nibe ngophoxekile at the end.

VusiK
24 Jul 2012 13:53

Sitting on a bed is OK for me.
on bended knee ... Hayikhona ... so not me.

Yah Cngle ...
I place very little faith in online romances.
She speaks the right lingo ...
I am inviting her over for a week in December ...
We will see.

maud
24 Jul 2012 13:58

hi
complicated questions, trust me in all your list of requirements ,you will never find the perfect match
you just have to sacrifise and except your partner as he is.
but to me Love comes first .although Love alone is not enough he must be a hard worker, poverty stings and causes more trouble in a relationship, he must be able to satisfy all my needs financially and otherwise.

VusiK
24 Jul 2012 14:08

lol ... I am total agreement with Maud and everyone.

However ... I am the kind of man who goes all out for the relationship.
I am not going to settle for someone who is simply going to throw the "Accept me as I am line" without making an earnest effort to accommodate me and my long list of expectations.
Women come with a loooooooong list by default ...I will come with a looong list also.
I can fulfil my part ... she should also.

Kerrie
24 Jul 2012 14:24

mangqezu, you don't necessarily have to be umalambane, don't expect too much from a relationship. i'm not saying go for a man who won't be able to put bread on the table! being spoilt now and then is nice just don't make a habit of it!

i'm refering to whereby one gives their partner an ultimatum, "buy me those shoes i saw at Options or i'm not coming to your place until you do so", be practical, "baby, i saw these shoes i really like at Options and i have this much, kindly top up for me", meet each other half way....

i had this vision of my boyfriend proposing on a bended knee but when he popped the question it was just after we've had supper, at his place, i cooked and he said to me,"mmalebopo waka, ke a go rata, ke kopa o nnyale (my Miss Universe, i love you, please marry me)"

mangqezu
24 Jul 2012 14:34

@ Kerrie honestly like I said before I find it hard to date someone who pays less tax than I do at least match me or be better its like dating someone who affords istreetwise two when I want to go wine and dine in some larny joint ........maybe I'm shallow in that but I dont want to have financial frustrations in a r/ship or pay a man's way all the time just doesn't work for me

maud
24 Jul 2012 14:39

@Kerrie i might be wrong but i dont think there are till those woman who depends on man for a living.

i am married woman and i dont remember asking for a lousy airtime ,he knows his duties and he buys whatever he buys for me because he wants to.

we have a joint account and two seperate accounts.
He spends his money i spend mine.

i just dont want to support a man,he must be able to stand by himself, if he run short of money.its okay . angiyi theli i petrol ,i dont buy clothes for him.

Kerrie
24 Jul 2012 14:54

don't get me wrong, i'm not saying go for a church mouse, you can be both earning the same amount of salary or his more than yours or anyhow but let him do things for you because he wants to, like maud is saying, not because you asked and vice versa.....

VusiK
24 Jul 2012 15:00

This candidate I'm talking to is about to finish law school,
I've suggested she go to grad school and do her doctorate ...
but she wishes to go into practice asap ...
She comes from a family of international law practitioners .
She'll earn quite a packet for herself in no time flat ...
She's not going to be needing money from me as a means of living,

VusiK
24 Jul 2012 15:03

However, people do misunderstand the roles we all have to play.
I come from the society wherein the man IS THE PROVIDER for his family.
his inability to do so without question at a high level of comfort than is really needed will definitely encroach on his other abilities as the man in their lives.
so ... money is rather important... even if one does not need it.

mangqezu
24 Jul 2012 15:04

@maud unfortunately there are women who still depend on men for their livelihood my bro's baby mama is a classic example, they started dating before I was doing matric she was doing some computer diploma at some college then, I went to varsity completed my degree I'm on my 3rd job now that woman has never received a pay check in her life and she doesn't seem bothered by it not becos my bro doesn't want her to work but he's given up trying to raise the issue.

The honest truth though about that r/ship is that I don't think he is happy cos he's neva at home believe me he leaves as soon as he's had breakfast on wknds only to come back after 10 and he does cheat on her not proud of it but it happens . I honestly try and imagine what is going thru her head sitting at home all these years doing nothing it just beats me at least if she had some inheritance waiting for her I'd say gud for her but she has zealch like wth.

the problem with this materials issue is that there is no one size fits all everyone wants different things for themselves. Someone is content with a man with just a car and/or house cos that is a luxury to them to the next person that could be just the bare necessities so we all want diff things.

I don't mind buying my partner clothes if I see something that I think will look gud on him I buy it for him no sweat

mangqezu
24 Jul 2012 15:09

@VusiK unfortunately from what I've seen not many men still believe in being the provider its always some partnership or 50/50 and some are not even ashamed of having their women provide for them

maud
24 Jul 2012 15:13

@manggezu ,i will also cheat on her, she is botring ,she needs to be challenging, i guess she sometimes wear i night dress the whole day.
The next step the guy will leave her and she will committ suicide.
i go where ever i want ngibuya ngesikhathi esithandwa yimi as long as i did say where i was going, my husband knows ukuthi i can be anywhere anytime, i house wife yona sorry its not me.

market
24 Jul 2012 15:14

you can all daydream about what kind of a man u what but the true is umuntu nomuntu unamabatha wakhe he/she can be a saint but at the end of the days he show u his true colours.

maud
24 Jul 2012 15:15

boring eish engliiiiish

market
24 Jul 2012 15:15

you can all daydream about what kind of a man u what but the true is umuntu nomuntu unamabatha wakhe he/she can be a saint but at the end of the days he show u his true colours.

VusiK
24 Jul 2012 15:17

lol @ MAUD

@Mangqezu ... I'm not a 50/50 person on providing.

mangqezu
24 Jul 2012 15:19

@market that's why there's the 80/20 rule at least give me 80% of what I want in a r/ship. The point is stand for something otherwise u'll fall for anything because u don't know what u want

VusiK
24 Jul 2012 15:21

Amen Mangqezu !

High demands come with high expectations.

I have high demands because I can back up any expectations that can be placed on me.

maud
24 Jul 2012 15:26

my rule is one once you find your self in a relationship whereby when you think about your partner you feel like screaming .

Look, you only have two choices.

1. Bail out.

2. Stay and be miserable.

either way the choice is yours,i choose happiness.i want to miss home when i am away ,i want to smile when i see my husband number on my phone, i want to kiss the picture that i carry on my wallard anytime i open my wallard.
i want to know that i am loved.i know is asking too much but that what i want.

VusiK
24 Jul 2012 15:26

LMAO @ I find it hard to date someone who pays less tax than I do

I Love it !

VusiK
24 Jul 2012 15:30

Being Miserable is a matter of choice Maud.

I agree.

I tend to stick around and make requests that influence my hapiness ...
If I am not heard ...
I am sooo gone.

Which is why I have a high burn rate in the women's department.

Can't accommodate my happiness ... Can't have me.
If the feeling of being left behind is that I played her ... so be it.
Genetics gave women two ears .... TWO !
all that one has to do is use one for classical music, and the other to listen and understand what is being said.

myname
25 Jul 2012 15:50