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#50ShadesOfSmanga: how to tell your partner about your sexual kink

Written by Tashi from the blog Tashi's TV on 17 Nov 2015
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#50ShadesOfSmanga... let's talk about that for a bit.

Whether or not it's appropriate family viewing for 20h00 primetime is a whole topic of its own but what's occupying my thoughts right now is what the storyline means for sexual liberation considering the fact that it's been so dominant on Generations.

It's the first time I've seen a South African show deal with the topic of kinkiness in such full frontal detail. The topic is so taboo (and was so badly handled in 50 Shades of Grey) that many people don't even talk about it with their lovers and yet there it is at 20h00, out in the open nightly, which has a sense of sexual freedom to it.


It really brings up the question of: what do you do if you have a sexual kink? What if tying people up is so important to you that it's your pathway to lurve as it is for Smanga? How do you tell your partner? - especially when there's the strong possibility that they'll freak out like others have with him.

It also highlights the problems of manipulation through Simphiwe and her vulnerability. How do you ensure that your partner doesn't feel that they have to participate or that they're only agreeing to it to please you?

The internet has exposed the truth that tons of people all over the world have kinky sides to them and yet it's still considered unnatural. If so many people enjoy it, then it must be a natural thing - and therefore telling someone about a kink shouldn't be the big deal it is. But so much silence surrounds it because of the fear of being judged, of losing the person you're in a relationship with or of disappointing them.

It's such a legit fear because these kinds of responses are so common. It's how I responded to an ex-boyfriend of mine and I regret it. I discovered he had a kink and got so freaked out our relationship ended immediately. He didn't tell me about it, I happened to find out and didn't know what to do so I went silent and stopped seeing him. I can't remember what excuse I used!  Thinking back now, I shouldn't have though.

I should have asked him about it, tried to understand and if I'd decided it wasn't for me I could have told him honestly and openly but without turning against him as I did. He knew that I knew about it so it must have been very difficult for him when I suddenly turned off-ish and disappeared.

All in all I reckon that Simanga's storyline has taken a notable step in breaking the bondage of kinky silence.

Shows in this post: Generations

Channels in this post: SABC1



3 Comments

max85
17 Nov 2015 15:08

Great post .as much as I think these storyline of 50shades of smanga was overdone ,it opened up the debate about sex and sexual preferences .most couples never talk about wat they like during sex (their kinky side ).Smanga at least was open to Phiwe about wat he likes and in the end Phiwe was able to understand him more . Gen has always being able to tackle taboo subjects despite the controversy it might cause like the Jason/senzo gay storyline .that is brave of them

Zingaphy Zeeeeee
18 Nov 2015 11:58

Daz it rily happen in real life??????? Aibo??? Feeling yo partners touch while.....Is rily great moss can it b rily fun doing dat, I d NEVA mna xem

Zingaphy Zeeeeee
18 Nov 2015 12:02

Tjooooo there's ivn a word fo it....kink???? Neva heard of t


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