EPISODE 2:
As much as I wanted the Fattis and Moanies gone next, the Rogers deserved every miserable moment they suffered and by the end couldn’t have been eliminated quickly enough.
I forsee maajor doom and gloom for them that plays out in the same way as the film American Beauty did where the son suddenly snaps from years of pent-up rage and ends up going on the rampage.
Actually I think it was the dad who went beserk after it turned out he was gay, but still, you get my meaning - the impact of years of a father putting his family down ‘cos of his own huge insecurities will have to hit the Rogers clan in a big way. Hopefully Brook or Broke or whatever his name is will eventually be able to escape into the sunset with a pair of twins.
Last week I said I thought he was too old to be involved in family shenanigans - clearly the situation is that he’s been bullied into believing he has no choice.
The confidence crushing putdowns of him that happened in the car started from the opening moments of the episode as all the racers set off to find a crap real-life shoe house in Shoe House Road. I assume the shoe’s supposed to be a fun thing for kids but I don’t see how it doesn’t give them nightmares with it’s cold, concrete hungryness.
The racers collected their first clue which instructed them to go to a mystery called a Reflecting Pool in Washington DC – which everyone got very uncessarily over excited by – the one Aiello son-in-law in particular.
What’s the story with them and their surname? They’re all married to Tony’s daughters and his surname is Soprano so I’m assuming Aiello is one of their surnames that they all agreed to go by? It just doesn’t make sense does it?
Out of them all they obviously most enjoyed the shady rendevouz with the “unseen contact” in the black limo who gave them their first yawny Roadbock. The thing of the briefcases and finding a spy who knew the rest of the password was arb and unchallenging – they all found the right people in under two minutes.
The one chick spy with the muscles who was so into it made up for it just a smidgen with the way she said “The sea is green,” but other than that it was all too undramatic.
The Weaver church took the lead from early as a direct result of Rebecca keeping her left leg unperched off the drivers seat and turning into a speed freak. From the looks of it the family constantly looks to her to get them through whatever difficulty’s going on and in both the driving as well as running around she really did give her everything.
The rest of the families followed their lead with the Godlewski’s keeping up well - which I was pleased about. Did you hear that indescribable laugh the one in the back of the car gave?? I would have decided they’re a coven of witches if I hadn’t already decided I’m so committed to them.
Following the Weavers, everyone drove off (I miss the planes) to Melbourne Manor where they faced their Detour on a field where soldiers were going wild re-enacting a civil war battle. It’s weirdy to think that that’s actually someone’s day-job. They must be actors who wanted to be extras in Hollywood but needed the stability.
From the looks of it they just keep going that way the entire day - with choreographed moves and decisions about who’s gonna die when I suppose. Whenever I see such a battle in action I can’t believe how ludicrous it is that they all walked towards being slaughtered like that and didn’t ever think of hiding or turning around or shooting from further away before the others did.
As for the Detour of “Heat Of The Battle” or “Heat Of The Night,” - I couldn’t see why so many of them made such a fuss - four people carrying one person on a stretcher really isn’t much effort. The way the Paolo’s mercilessly chucked their body to the ground wasn’t surprising and neither was the loser Bransen dad’s giving up when all his daughters were still fighting.
If it had been a real battle he’d have moved his butt pronto guaranteed and that he didn’t for his daughters was very selfish I thought. The way he kept going on about not being fit enough - he knew this before and didn’t bother trying to get a bit stronger.
Luckily the girls have each other and those excellent gimme-gimme boxer shorts of theirs. I noticed Weaver Rebecca’s wearing them too so I’m wondering if they’re provided by their race. There’s been a season where everyone had tracksuits with the same stripe down the side where I wondered too.
Once each of the families finished battling the gun-fire they sprinted across a field to the Pitstop where Phil was standing next to a - surprise-surprise - soldier. I can’t remember what side he was on but it must have been the bluey North ‘cos of the Southern grey’s being Nazi’s.
I must say I was gobsmacked when the Weavers just hugged each other and didn’t force out a showy prayer when they won and I was pleased when the Schroeder’s upped their position by one place to fourth ‘- they always making me laugh.
Here’s the final order of the way things went:
1. The Weaver Family
2. The Linz Family
3.The Godlewski Family
4. The Schroeder Family
5. The Aiello Family
6. The Bransen Family
7.The Gag-um Family
8. The Paolo Family
9. The Rogers Family
The Roger Pig’s admitting his mistake at the end didn’t come close to making up for anything – what else was he gonna do when we could all see the truth?
The most incredible was him saying how he’s taught his family not to blame anyone! Grrr - good riddance most definitely.
Hopefully this lucky streak will continue and the Fattis and Moanies end up getting minced by NASA’s centrifugal force next week.
PS: Can you please explain why Andy McJowell is still doing adverts? I thought she’d disappeared until I saw the make-up ad in between. She’s looking worse than ever and hasn’t done a movie in decades yet she’s still coining it selling lippie. How does this sort of thing happen?
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