In my previous article I gave some tips to survive pregnancy (Suddenly “survive” doesn’t read so good, let me change the word to “subsist”: Pregnancy is hard work so it deserves a big word too); and TVSA Moeders know that after the subsistence you deliver a/more bundle/s of joy… Well, the crying red baby or more! Not meaning to alarm or shock anyone pregnant at this point but the baby comes out looking like something you never imagined… I will not go into detail; will leave that to TVSA Moeders to tell.
I have heard so many mothers explain this feeling of falling in love when the baby was put into their arms and I wonder “What medicine was she given? Because clearly I was given other stuff”. I did not fall in love with my baby the second the doctor said “It’s a he” and handed him to me. I felt nothing. I blame the drugs, people. I was just looking at this red wrinkled baby and wondered what I had carried for nine months! I was happy, obviously but the falling in love part, I don’t know.
Luckily I had a wonderful midwife, Caryl, and she came by to see my bundle of joy and I was able to explain to her how I felt. I was disappointed that I did not “fall in love” when my baby was given to me. She asked a simple question “The second you saw what is your husband now did you fall in love?” – The answer was a simple “no”. That is the truth - I met him; did not like him much – looked boring. (Dimags knows exactly what I used to explain the not feeling him as) Went out a couple of times and decided he ain’t for me; then met him again after a month of not seeing him and that is when I started falling in love. So here I was with a baby of 12 hours and I expected to be head over heels in love. I loved my baby and still do but I did not “fall in love” when they handed him to me. I got to know him, and then I fell in love.
Oh! and another subsistence pregnancy tip is a great Midwife and Ante-natal classes. That will be my next article.
This article will highlight tips for the first few days, months and years – Very short tips! I’m still trying some of the month’s ones so bear with me here! The first thing you need to know after they give you the baby is “S/He is an individual. Not a copy of you.”
S/he is here to learn from you and be taken care of by you. Not to be moulded into a you.
YOU DO need help! New mothers always want things done their way because they have fantasized about this experience and by damn they will do it as in their dreams. It is stressful. So get and accept help. Yes, you will know what is best for your baby but when you have someone to help you – accept it! You might be able to take a bath or read a page of a book or even blog TVSA if you do that. I didn’t take this advice. Most times I still do not. So I suffered because people gave up and I had to rely on King K when he gets home from work to help. Accept help, people!
S/he may cry quite uncontrollable for no reason that you can point out. Colic! This is a point between the 6 week and 6 months hurdle if you are unlucky. The baby will cry and cry and cry and cry! S/he is fed. S/he is clean. S/he is not looking uncomfortable, hot or cold. It is not your fault. It is not the midwive’s tales coming true – having sex when preg; eating tomatoes. You had nothing to do with it. Most babies do that. Science is still not able to explain because the little people cannot tell us what is happening to them so they do what they know how to do; cry. My best tip; get a gym ball. Sit on the ball – put a pillow on your lap, put the baby on his tummy on the pillow and slowly bounce… This worked wonders for me as Prince K would fall asleep with the rocking motion. Thanks, Caryl!
Get a routine from day one. I still do not have one so this is a hard one. After you breastfeed, burb him and put him down. This is hard, I did say right! Because you wanna cuddle, coo and enjoy your baby. Get that baby into a routine… It seems they come programmed with a “manipulate ma/pa” mind. If you don’t get it right early – you suffer later! Let the child learn how to put themselves to sleep. If you start rocking to sleep or putting on chest to sleep – it is harder to stop it later. A colleague of mine still rocks his 23 months old daughter to sleep. He started when she was 3 months and still does it. She will not sleep without being rocked! If he ain’t home she waits up until her father comes home to rock… and sometimes he admits he is extremely tired but not rocking means cries and screams so he rocks!
Keep your dear friend’s number close to you. Remember that was a tip from the previous article. This is a critical and crucial tip! She will help you when no-one will understand. She will be there in ways you never knew you needed a friend. she will save you from post-partum depression (another article) My friend, Solele (for purposes of anonymity will use this name), is my star! She has 2 routined children; she is always there for me. Her kids (oldest 5, young 3) are so well-behaved and “well-oiled” (they know their routine so well that she barely has to reprimand for things not done). They nap during the day; they eat when given food without fights, they brush their teeth before bed, they go to bed at prompt 20:00 with no hassles. She is my hand at this parenting thing… She does admit it takes some work but you have to be firm otherwise you will not be a good parent. If the kids sleep when they are tired – Prince K was sleeping at 23:30 – by that time you are tired and irritable. You cannot blame the child for not having some “me” time. You did not teach them a routine.
My Prince K now sleeps at 7:30 just after the evening bath and pyjamas change and I can now catch a 20:15 movie with King K; accept help from my nanny, watch Oprah without having to be wondering what naughty Prince K is up to. I am slowly getting a routine but it is damn hard!
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