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Cheating or no cheating

Written by njingalwazi from the blog Hot Potato on 13 Sep 2007
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I have seen it happening to so many people i know and i thought to myself, that is not cool at all up until it happened to me for the first time. What does one have to do when his/her boyfriend/girfriend is chesting on him/her , do you just get out of the relationship , do you confront the person or you just keep quite and pretend as if you don't know anything , but you have to always remember that - you need someone who's gonna love and satisfy you in all ways. I need to know what you guys think or will do when you notice any of these signals: 1. Lover coming late at night drunk , gets to the bed and go to sleep. 2.Does not want you to go and shopping with him/her. 3.He/She has to go outside when the cellphone rings after 8. 4.When having sex, he/she is miles away ( the let's get over and done with feeling) Some of you would think that the person is cheating but there could be more to it, maybe we can discuss some of the things that cause people to react as such. Again we have to know wether it is good to just keep quiet or do as the roman do when someone is really cheating.

178 Comments

babyjoe
13 Sep 2007 03:03

doing what the romans do does not help, just leave the bastard alone. thats what i did when i found out my boyfriend cheating on me with his ex girlfriend, well maybe it was the other way round. I am happily single and don't have to worry about whether he is cheating or not.

Cellphones: well it is stupid to try and stop someone from taking their calls outside cos some guys are full of ish, if you don't want them to go they'll just say it in your presence.

You are lucky if you never find out that your man or woman is cheating on you. what you don't know won't hurt you but don't try and fish things out. If he says he is not with anyone else except for you believe/trust him cos relationships are about trust.

Most men/women cheat but its not worth it

libra
13 Sep 2007 03:05

tell him how u feel and what u suspect with the current situation, if he is honest enough he will explain the real reason for the behaviour if not then he will stop and be his mormal. if he does not confess and continue to misbehave then pack you bags and leave-he is not worth it. men are not good at hiding when they cheat i think u had caught him.

immaculate
13 Sep 2007 03:37

Nna if my boyfriend cheats, in so much as having a one night stand, I just walk away...but before the grand exit, i WILL cut off his carrot with a nail clipper.

andi01
13 Sep 2007 03:38

People always say just leave him if he cheats, as if its that easy. How can u just walk out of a relationship after everything u put in it. I am not saying stay even of its not right, but some people make it sound as if leaving is easy. When u r in a relationship u bond with a person & dat doesnt die over nite. I am not making excuses for cheaters but I say before leaving talk to him and hear it out, not for him but 4 ur satisfaction. If u just shut him out and leave, u ll always be wondering of what went wrong.

belz
13 Sep 2007 03:53

LOL @ immaculate, mina i once jolad with some guy, he was cheating on me and yu know mos us woman can sense these things, but obviously yu dont want to accuse someone based on what yu sensing, she was cheating on me with a gal who shared a flat with my friend, yesses tht fucker!!!!! so you can imagine my friend told me everything, i asked him this one day if he's seeing someone else he said no, i told him to please let me know when he decides to tell me, i started seeing someone as well and he caught me and he broke up with me, i had absoulutely no hard feelings, a month later he came back begging for forgiveness, i told him to go and w*** himself!!!!!! cheating is neva right, neva. its not worth it.

lorrelai
13 Sep 2007 04:04

I hear u Andio1, but staying when u can no longer trust him won't be easy either, for both of you. As soon as u find out your partner is cheating on u, things will change drastically. Every time the phone rings you'll wonder who's on the other side of the line, when he goes out, u'll meditate on who he is with and what they are doing. And that will cause conflicts.

I say think about it and do what's best for you. What kind of treatment do u deserve? Will u settle for a man who won't come home to u after work, a man who'll lie to u and say he loves u while 2 hours ago he was on top of another woman, saying the very same thing?
You put everything into the relationship and all he does is insult you by cheating on you. whats there to stay for ke ngoku?
Goduka sisi, that way, he cannot hurt u anymore.

MamaOmpha
13 Sep 2007 04:13

@andi01 I agree with you.
I was one of those people who used to say that if my boyfriend cheated on me I would leave him no questions asked until it happen to me.
My boyfriend cheated on me after six years of being together. The funny thing is i suspected that he was cheating but i just ignored the signs (thats the problem with us women, you can see the signs but we choose to ignore them because its the easiest way.). When he finally told me it just confirmed my suspicions. I found it difficult to leave him and I kept telling myself, do I let something like this destroy something that I built for such a long time. With the help and advise from both our families I forgave him and we are now on our 8th years.

BUT

Finding out that someone you love cheated on you is difficult. I kept asking asking myself am i not beautiful enough, am i not giving him what he needs, does he not love me, is it my fault. One thing that we must know is when sum1 cheats on you, its not your fault. Its their own insecurities that lead them to cheat because i thought i was giving him everything that he needs. If you choose to leave its fine but if you choose to stay you must know that is a very difficult process to regain trust. Its emotianally draining. You become twice suspicious of his moves and you do not trust anything that comes out of his mouth. But with time you learn to forgive and you begin to trust him only if he shows that he is really sorry and does not make you suspect anything.

The best thing you can do for yoselves is to go 4 a HIV test together. That will ease you mind and help you move forward.

andi01
13 Sep 2007 04:15

@ lorrelai I am not saying stay in the relationship, all I am saying dont leave with out explanation, beleive you derserve it. I feel u girl and ur point is taken but make sure u dont do things drastically

Dintha
13 Sep 2007 04:17

Bathong, there's no running away from it. If someone cheats once, chances are they''ll do it again and the 2nd time round they'll have perfected the cheating skills. If you're fed up walk away and admit that I don't do it for you anymore. As much as it hurts, I personally prefer the straight up talk.

Preshiii
13 Sep 2007 04:17

Ish wena NJINGALWAZI, check i spelling sakho man plz! I had my HEH? moment when I saw the chesting boyfriend/girlfriend instead of Cheating (Third line in your essay)....Interesting topic, I'll be back to comment later....still traumatised by "chesting"....

sbu001
13 Sep 2007 04:27

immaculate:before the grand exit, i WILL cut off his carrot with a nail clipper.
I''ve got respect for TVSA chicks

immaculate
13 Sep 2007 04:31

preshhiii...it's a good thing u are ungolded! nithanda kabi go spell checker...who cares we all got it!

i won't stay in a relationship with a CHEAT period. why would i want somebody to explain to me why they cheated? i don't need to hear them lousy excuses...nkampane ke be a spinster till ke shwa, than share a bed with a CHEAT, cheaters never change, so i won't waste my energy trying to change some bigg ass pig

Gucci
13 Sep 2007 04:33

LOL at Preshiii and ur non-blinging status.

Mhh nice topic here, I can relate!

We are different people so the way we handle the whole issue obviously wont be the same..... some people lack Confidence and have low self-esteem as a result of being cheated while on the other hand some become More stronger than before.

Cheating is NEVER the Cheat(ee)'s fault (OMG is there such a word)....it just happens and there's a zillion reason's why it happens.We are not 24/7 together with Our partners so what he thinks/fantasises abt at work, when with friends u may just never know. EVEN the one u think is not Cheating right now.....u'll just neva knw....mayb they're gud @hiding it.

Best medicine - know where u stand in a relatinship and be damn Proud of urself!!!

sponono
13 Sep 2007 04:37

HAve you girls thought of this possibility....
I've been with you for some time and I really had strong felings for you at the begginig but recently I've started to wonder why I'm still with you...yes you are great in everyway, i.e you are basicaly a nice girl, we never fight, you dont cheat, you respect and show me love, you basically do everything a typical loving girlfirend shoudl do..BUT I suddenly dont feel the same way I used to ..and I DONT WANT to dicsuss those feelings with you because
1stly, you'll obviously be hurt, 2nd you might beg..eew 3rdly maybe I'm really scared of breaking up with you beacue of the above mentioned benefits...Imight fear that I might not find someone who has g'friend qualities that you hve...so I just chug along hoping that maybe you'll dump me..but then I might get tempted to try other fish in the sea, (in case you dump me anyways I'd be covered)...this tempteation doesnt happen to all guys, some guys would stay in a relationship and show signs of cheating even when they are not, but becaue their hearts are no longer in the relationship...AND IT HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU,,,,so before you quickly assume its another woman (or man...hi hi) just think of this possibiity.....and you can summon a lot of strenght and courage and act like the dignified and composed Lady/Ice queen that you are(even though you want to scream and scratch him) an just say well it looks like this thing has ran its course so you can go your way I'll go mines, if He was just going through something he might reflect on losing you and maybe beg you to take him back....or if he met someone and doesnt beg well that means he wasnt feling the relationship anymore.......

I know you girls are sensitive souls but you also have dumped people because they were bad kissers -how cruel- and i bet you never told them...

<<you need someone who's gonna love and satisfy you in all ways >>
as for this point NJINGA ...Puleeez.... better luck in THE NEXTLIFETIME......even machines havent been invented yet to do that

article within article award goes to.....

ngwana
13 Sep 2007 04:37

The thing about forgiving is that you will never forget and will never trust that person. So the relationship wont be the same and you wont be happy.
So just walk away.

Dintha
13 Sep 2007 04:46

Knowing where you stand is such a battle to get out of a guy. I don't know but most guys always lie thinking that they're protecting their partner but damn, your partner will survive. Abelungu say 'that which doesn't kill you, only makes you strong.' Luckily for me I met this xhosa-buthi who told me straight up that he's got some sisi as his focus point. I took it like the babe I am and guess what...............He was knocking on my door again. Did I open...........................

Preshiii
13 Sep 2007 04:47

Hey! hey! hey! wena immaculate...ungandidini ava! The last time I checked there was a difference between i chest (ISIFUBA), ne cheat (UKUZIBA ECANTSINI)....ayiyo mother tongue, kodwa ndiyazazi i ABC's zam man....Yesssseeessssss man!

As for ubumnyama bam, ubuzakundibona njani ukuba bendingekho mnyama tshu mhhhh????

Lekese
13 Sep 2007 04:52

Let me tell you something about myself... I am a spoilt brat, I don't share my toys, period.

So brother man cheats, I kick his cheating sorry a$$ out of my life. Poeple ther is HIV/AIDS out there and don't be telling me about condoms, did you not read the report about them leaking things!! he he he

mayo
13 Sep 2007 04:59

i can relate to MamOmpha when she says that its not easy and you tend to forgive somebody that u have been with for a long time,but hey its now 5yrs and going to 6 and he has done it again!!!! although its hearsay i can feel that he has done it

and i know he will stick to his story coz i did not catch him this time around but hey enough is enough and i think i have had it and that is why im calling it QUITS!!!

myname
13 Sep 2007 05:00

Mna guys i think leaving him wont solve the problem i think the best thing is 2 find out w eyenzile? By doing that u wil know what 2 do after. Dont leave him without explanation And honestly leaving him is not easy bt i dont say stay.if u have guts leave him bt if u r curious like me go and ask him. Maybe we were not meant 2 b 2gether bt plz find out so u wont repeat the same mistake if u did a mistake. Satisfy urself 1st & move on.

immaculate
13 Sep 2007 05:00

Preshiii..., take a chill drug mama...look on your keyboard, the S in chesting is just next to A...cheating...so please...mistakes do happen ok! stop spell chesting ooops i mean checking and give us your take on CHEATING!

Lekese...u go gal! Thats my philosophy as well_i aint putting my life in danger for the sake of "saving a good relationship" what the ef is that anyway?? Mina yes i do forgive, but ga ke sa go nyaka mo bophelong ba ka

Toodecent
13 Sep 2007 05:01

Lenyatso spice ga le batlege... ka tlosa nna reply!

zaa
13 Sep 2007 05:05

<<<still traumatised by "chesting"....>>>preshiii bathong, ROFLMAO

cheating, cheating, cheating....sensitive topic i mst say, especially if uv bin thru the xperience....Having to find out that the one person that u trusted most is cheating on u is the most painful xperience. My boyfriend of 4yrs cheated on me (not 1ce bt 3tyms) with different ppl and s hard s it was for me i finally left him (that was the most difficult thing tht i ever had to do). I cudn't take it anymo...u know what they say mos "if u can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen".

We met when we were still @ varsity, after six months in to the r'ship i discovered that he has impregnanted (is this the rite word?)his ex-girlfriend (can u bbeeeeliiiiiiiiivvvvv it?). @ 1st the thot of this didn't bother me that much and i 4gave him(luv is blind u know) but s the time goes it really got to my nerves. 2nd incident: he was sleeping with his class mate, i only realised this after he missed his birthday dinner that iv organised for him to be with her. To my surprise evry1 seemed to know about it except me....(yeses! that bustard really humiliated me)

Lastly, he slept with this chick @ my place, on my bed...that's when i decided that enaf is enaf....i showed him the door. S much s i luved him, i knew that it's going to be difficult to trust him again and that he will never change (leopard never changes it's spots).

MamaO: "If you choose to leave its fine but if you choose to stay you must know that is a very difficult process to regain trust. Its emotianally draining." True dat, i was dying and hurting inside (he denied everything)& there's was nothing i cud do about it until I decided to liv him.

Nkhens
13 Sep 2007 05:06

Leaving the guys is not always a solutions, explanation you do need.

belz
13 Sep 2007 05:18

zaa: hectic stuff lovie, but im glad yu out i had a freind who has found her boyfriend effing another woman on her bad more than 3times but he's still in that relationship, i've given up on her!!!!!

NTWANA
13 Sep 2007 05:20

Sponono- the truth is dat yr heart , the seat of yr conscience is telling u things u'd rather 4get. u hav been cheating on yr partner & now u r affraid that she may do the same 2 u, if that is true consider giving back 2 her what she gives u generously i.e LOVE. Instead of telling her insumansumane. Or rather b honest & tell her that u no longer feeling her.

Molilo
13 Sep 2007 05:21

so if u do not forgive him and every relationship u come across u r cheated on. r u going to keep dumping till u die and in the process being sliced by everybody? What is different there coz at the end u will catch the virus by sleeping with all of them................

immaculate
13 Sep 2007 05:29

Molilo i would rather die single than marry/date a cheating HO of a slimeball..

sponono
13 Sep 2007 05:29

most sensitive blogger award definately goes to TDC ...no contest stru sbob!!!! yoh

GodsGift2Human
13 Sep 2007 05:32

one thng that confuses most people ts the years they put building relationship. they tend to thnk that if dey v jolad 4 so many yez thn dy cnt jst thrw that awy kanti ts not bwt yez ts bwt whetha u stl lv the person o not.So dnt stay in a relationship bcz nineminyaka eyinga ni 2gether.

cumin 2 ma nxt point guyz r jst nt gud cheatez dy alwayz get cot in one way o another so i dnt no y they stl go ahead n cheat.n galz r d best cheaterz its rare fo guyz 2 find out whn their ladies r cheating, bcz amacheri ayakwazi ukuchita n stl act the same way they usually when they are around their guy(involved with).kanti ama ou if he has umakhwapheni i dnt no y bt he chnges they way he acts around his galfrend.So guyz do it like the galz do.Cheat bt dnt get cot.

Enid Blyton
13 Sep 2007 05:36

Eyi Magals n guys this topic ibuhlungu especially 2 us women...did u know that if ure man caught u cheating.... thats you gone pronto but tsine we dilly dally with the pros n cons even to the extent of blaming the other bi***h ? u kno wat out of these 2 people the person who deserves the hatred n energy we spend venting on the gal shud be directed to our partners...after all the chick neva eva said she luvs u but he did.!!!

Mina I was once cheated on by my first love ..that is the hymen benefactor... i loved only him ..lived only for him had kids with him ,a home, investments here nther,but werent married. that seriously unleashed the animal in me .I had no patience with unclear men...I hired and fired at will ...basically I became a man..!!!!!

Fell in love, settled down and became a bull terrie (sp)...I will kill his male ego dare he mess with me..!!!

Lex
13 Sep 2007 05:36

Eish, ya ne, being cheated on is no good experience.
IDIOT #1- He promised to come c me in the evening and he neva pitched so b4 I went to work the following morning I went to his place.The door opens and there's an Indian chick.The bugger didnt know what to say or even how to say it.So I dumped the stupid mf'acka. Two years down the line he says he wants to marry me,iyoo.
IDIOT #2- He was cheating with his ex (I dunno if he was cheating on me with the ex,or if he was cheating on the ex with me).I initially had my suspicions and when I found evidence at his house (used condoms with his siht in them during a lunch hour romp)....wait for it...he says she has been stalking him (sumbody tell me pls,do u sleep with ur stalkers????)
I suppose we are all different and we deal with situations differently,what works for me might not work for u,so I say have a meeting with yourself and make a decision from there.If u decide to stay then ask yourself how u r going to trust the bugger after all'o that.
(Sorry for the long reply,but a girl had to share.)

sbu001
13 Sep 2007 05:37

In terms of telling ur chick u no longer feeling them
guys what about ppl that coz u don't have the guts to tell them that u no longer feeling them as that hurts,u just show them signs that babes as beautiful as u might be but hey u no longer doing it for me.But they still stick around.

What do u do?

zaa
13 Sep 2007 05:37

Nkhens:<<Leaving the guys is not always a solutions, explanation you do need.>>> Say u caught ur man (red handed) shagging another woman, wud u still need him to xplain y is he on top of another woman & not u?

Molilo: <<so if u do not forgive him and every relationship u come across u r cheated on. r u going to keep dumping till u die and in the process being sliced by everybody? What is different there coz at the end u will catch the virus by sleeping with all of them................>>> So ud rather stay with a cheating bastard? And when he' s not around, won't u kp wondering gore who is he *bleep!* caz u know he can't control his libido? what about ur happiness? Dumping a person doesn't mean ul automatically b jumping into bed with another men....

Tinyiko
13 Sep 2007 05:38

It is at least understandable when a men cheat cos it is nature that prompts them to cheat.

But a woman must not try that cos it is a disgrace.

One thing that women must understand is that when their men cheat, it does not mean that they don't luv them.This is caused by the fact that the man in attracted by his rib that is in the woman.

sponono
13 Sep 2007 05:40

NTWANA- insumansumane iyo le-oyisho kum ngoku.....1st you dont "consider" giving someone love either you love them or you dont..LOL

.and I didnt suggest telling her any nsumansumane...what I meant was that most guys in this situation DO NOT SAY ANYTHING AT ALL but they behave in a way that suggests they are cheating when the truth is that they are not feeling the same way -(yes some DO atually cheat if they fall in love with someoneelse)

as for telling it like it is...I'm a Zulu guy and we were brought up to think that a woman can never be blunty told that she's no longer in your heart (sensitive creatures y'all are)...but you act in a way that will make her see the signs..but ke abanye o-my sister will keep holdin on or write to sis-dolly about the ish...mina I say come now sista get with the program, HE's NOT feelin you nou.....leave while you still have your dignity and hopefully Aids free..and find a nice and quite place to cry your heart out.....it'll be all over in the morning

Toxic
13 Sep 2007 05:45

but ke abanye o-my sister will keep holdin on or write to sis-dolly about the ish

ha ha ha tl tl tl!!! I can just imagine the guy waiting for his partner to take the hint and leave and she just gets down to writing for advice on how to save the relationship!

Molilo
13 Sep 2007 05:49

Man cheat we like it or not, all ppl surrounding me r being cheated by husbands/boyfriend. they r still keeping well some of them whereas some cases r just unbearable. I dont think those of u who r saying u will dumb ur man u r not cheated on i am not promoting anything here but nature is nature we cannot run away from it. I only say let them respect u they must just not do it in the open where we all know that Molilo is been cheated by hubby..........

Annonymous
13 Sep 2007 05:50

"...but you act in a way that will make her see the signs..but ke abanye o-my sister will keep holdin on or write to sis-dolly about the ish...mina I say come now sista get with the program, HE's NOT feelin you nou.....leave while you still have your dignity and hopefully Aids free..and find a nice and quite place to cry your heart out.....it'll be all over in the morning"
Trust Sponono to put in sarcasim & commedy when people are feeling hurtd & betrayed.............hehehe

sponono
13 Sep 2007 05:51

Good question Sbu001..thats what I was trying to say to them girls..they dont get it sungtimes just holding on .....

sbu001
13 Sep 2007 05:53

sponono:ekse dude that's what chicks do....its really not something we do even as Xhosa guys to bluntly tell a chick that they are no longer needed....in case u might wanna shag again!!!

tshepiso
13 Sep 2007 05:53

GodsGift2Human
13 Sep 2007 05:55

Tinyiko hawu pela seubeda ke manje there is and will neva be an excuse for guyz to cheat VHA! or anyone else for that matter.

zaa
13 Sep 2007 05:58

Tinyiko:<<<It is at least understandable when a men cheat cos it is nature that prompts them to cheat.>>> UNDERSTANDABLE? WWWHAAAAAATTT?? not to me...HELL NO!

<<But a woman must not try that cos it is a disgrace.>> And it's not a disgrace when men r doing it? I can't bliv this

myname
13 Sep 2007 06:02

@Tinyiko so what u r saying is men can cheat bt woman cant bcoz lihlazo. Come on man it wil neva b cool even if its a man. What do u have & i dont. Blood, Feelings? What? Cant i find another man attractive?

SoulSta
13 Sep 2007 06:02

Eish sani...I totally relate 2 de scenario depicted by Sponono- I know how difficult dat situation can be. It's neva an easy thang 2 do when all of a sudden you have 2 face someone & tel her dat u no longa voel de same love jy het gefoel vir hom earlier. But many say dat honesty is die beste policy. Q:How practical is it in real life though? A: U'll be de unadulterated SUCKAA 4 life if u eva applied dat policy in yo lewe. truth is we r all (well, at least maybe the overwhelming majority of us) selfish self-serving beings who are only out 2 hlohlesakhe.Wat eva u do just dont endanger de life of umntanabantu 4 Pete's sake.Look at the infection rates of ugawulayo & dat will be enough motivation 2 resist dat tempting thick piece of booty dat u have every opportunity of tapping.

As 4 Preshii, u got a lil' bit of coconut in u dont ya? One of dem "thank de white man 4 de air we breathe" types, huh? Ag shame!! Just kidding.
Tip: But it wud really help if u stopped actin like yo Poopoo smells betta than dat of others, neh.

tshepiso
13 Sep 2007 06:03

You know what guy? let those who got experience chat , and those unexperience read and enjoy.
i am talking from experience, I was being cheated once and off. no one will cheat me again. it is very painful.

all idiot outside says there are no cheaters in the universe

IF A MAN/WOMAN CHEATS ON YOU GO NA LE MABAKANYANA MOO
1. either you are boring/ deadalive
2 .steive(sorry for spelling)

advice:

cheat too
or change your lifestyle

sponono
13 Sep 2007 06:03

@ha ha ha tl tl tl!!! I can just imagine the guy waiting for his partner to take the hint and leave and she just gets down to writing for advice on how to save the relationship LOL

ME: awuyekele usiDolly angisakfuni man
umysista: ayiSponza asimzame lasisi uzosinceda tu
ME- akasekho kwiDrum anyway mhlawumbe ubhalel'indonda nje angsakfun nx!!
LOL

Preshiii
13 Sep 2007 06:06

zaa<<But a woman must not try that cos it is a disgrace.>> And it's not a disgrace when men r doing it? I can't bliv this

Neither can I zaa....that's the worst load of matlakala I've ever heard, just shows that we're living with idiosyncrasisies (an idiot who has gone beyond the point of normal idiot to a place of sies sies sies man!)

Dintha
13 Sep 2007 06:06

Sbu, in that case you might let the girl gently down by telling her you're not feeling her but would like to continue shagging her. If you're both adults then call a spade a spade. Whatever you do, atleast be honest. No strings attached except for her desperate g-string. Then you atleast know what you're on about.

zaa
13 Sep 2007 06:07

Sbu001<<<guys what about ppl that coz u don't have the guts to tell them that u no longer feeling them as that hurts,u just show them signs that babes as beautiful as u might be but hey u no longer doing it for me.But they still stick around.

What do u do?>>> Straight 2k doesn't break any friendship....id rather let sum1 tell me s it is than having to find out myself yeeerrr...

Direre
13 Sep 2007 06:07

tHERE IS NEVER AN EXCUSE WHEN YOUR GUY IS CHEATING....

SIGNS THAT YOUR MAN IS CHEATING:

1. When the phone rings, he goes outside and his excuse is " NETWORK".
2. When he goes to bed, the phone is on silent or he switches it off.
3. He never wants to go with you to the malls, cause he might bump to the "makhwapeni".
4. He doesn't call you at work like he used to, or call you 20x a day, he will say he doesn't have airtime.
5. You will no longer have access to his phone.
6. When you want to visit him you must let him know in advance.
7. Those moments where you used to talk about everything are no more. (honeymoon is over)
9. When he answers his phone nowadays is "HEITA", "SHO" or "HOWZIT".
10. Last but not least, the sex life is becoming a boredom, it's no longer 5 rounds BUT one quick round.

So there you go.....

Just know two wrongs don't make a right.....my advice is GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP, ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER.

Toxic
13 Sep 2007 06:08

ME: awuyekele usiDolly angisakfuni man
umysista: ayiSponza asimzame lasisi uzosinceda tu
ME- akasekho kwiDrum anyway mhlawumbe ubhalel'indonda nje angsakfun nx!!
LOL

BIG LOL!!!!

And then she goes on some oh, I'll change, I'll be better..i love you...or worse she threatens to KILL HERSELF LOL!!

Toxic
13 Sep 2007 06:11

9. When he answers his phone nowadays is "HEITA", "SHO" or "HOWZIT".

Iyo Direre, u've just made me really nervous!!

sbu001
13 Sep 2007 06:14

zaa:as i said above ,we know how sensitive chicks are u just trying to get her to see the situation and walk proud as if she was the dumper even though the relationship on ur side was long gone.

dintha:I continue shagging her but without the luv of coz

zaa
13 Sep 2007 06:15

LOL @idiosyncrasisies ....wa mpolaya waitse....hi hi hi

babyjoe
13 Sep 2007 06:18

you are so right Direre, only an ignorant person can oversee all the signs.

they say a leopard will never lose/change its spot (not sure if its a tiger/leopard), what makes you so sure he will change? You are not his mother, no matter how hard to try to make him change he won't. if you are lucky he will pretend for some few seconds but if he is a scumbag like the ones i know, don't even bet a cent cos you are bound to lose it anyway.

Men who cheat lack something in themselves, its either their thingy is small (in case od V16 or school girls) or they saw their fathers do it to their mothers and they make it their mission to make every woman suffer like their mothers.

Leave the ish alone, even if you love him cos with men its not about love but F***ing and yours is not GOLD. You will find a man who will love and respect you, you don't have to stand for some ish cos i for one can't stand my own when i go to the loo.

sbu001
13 Sep 2007 06:23

Direre wrote: You will no longer have access to his phone,

What do u want in his phone anyway,I hate it when chicks go out of their way to find something on my phone.You find something what do u do?

Advice:Stay with ur phone and he stays with his.Trust him when he is saying he loves u,Are relationships not built on trust.Why do you have to investigate(if i might put it that way) his phone

sjura
13 Sep 2007 06:25

Sbu ungumtu jo?i must tell u u jst do hv a heart jo.if u tel a person that u no longa fil them bt continu to shag them do u knw what u doing?amanye amacheri zizibhanxa so they'l thnk by continuing to have sex with them u'l develop sumthng again.So i dnt thnk its a gud idea to dump someone n stil hav sex wth even if she agrees to it.Soze akhule n nawe at the same tym soze ukhule.

sjura
13 Sep 2007 06:26

NOT hv a heart

Ye Bhuti
13 Sep 2007 06:29

I don't think we can ever make sense of this cheating business.....but I think if the sissters can work together (don't become a makhwapheni) cheating will decrease......
5. You will no longer have access to his phone.
Don't think anyone should have access to someones phone

Direre
13 Sep 2007 06:31

@ Sbu001 - What do u want in his phone anyway,I hate it when chicks go out of their way to find something on my phone.hey it wasn't a problem in the beginning, why act now???? You find something what do u do? O tla nkitsi pila bhuti !!

Tinyiko
13 Sep 2007 06:31

Preshiii......You can call me an idiot and all the names you can think of but the fact of the matter is that you cannot change what i said cos that is the way it is.

KeleFabulous
13 Sep 2007 06:31

interesting topic....unfortunately i can only browse thru hte responses

@spopo...do u have a galfriend? i think i like u...holler at me and i'll send u my cv and we'll talk

i once found out i was "the other woman"... how do u classify htis one?

Direre
13 Sep 2007 06:34

@ Ye Bhuti---Don't think anyone should have access to someones phone, if you & your partner are alright with it and have nothing to hide, what's the big deal????

zaa
13 Sep 2007 06:34

Direre<<ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER.>>> AMEN TO THAT !!HHHHHHHHHAAALLLEEJJJUUUAHHAHH

Sbu001 o rongo sana....

Direre, adding to ur list:

3. He never wants to go with you to the malls, cause he might bump to the "makhwapeni". and if by any luck u do go, there's no more hugging & holding hands like it used to b and he's either walking behind u or in front u...(wa go shiya) so that no 1 notices that u actually 2gether (eish banna mara)

He's always having lunch meetings when u propose that u go on lunch together

And the dumbest lame xcuse: Continous late meetings (yesus)

sjura
13 Sep 2007 06:37

YHE BHUTI uyasqela singa macheri.Usithataphi isibindi sothetha lonto.Ngobani abashelayo and u guyz when u cum n plita us u dnt tel us that u oredy involved nomnye umntu.So PLEEEASE Ma broer dnt tok ???????uyauzigqibezelela

Dintha
13 Sep 2007 06:38

Eish, the phone story remains sensitive. That's where th etrouble starts and ladies we need to stop making excuses for our cheating men. If he's not that into you then vele, uzokwenzela izinto ez'phantsi so walk away. Guys, if I'm your partner & someone out there is shagging you better than me then what you're still doing with me. Sbu it doesn't make sense. Stop cheating & teach or direct your real partner to shag like umakwhapheni. If she hits the spot and her personality is sharp then why go outside? Tell her mfethu, speak up. If she doesn't crack it then make your exit, never to look back.

Weiss
13 Sep 2007 06:42

Where is dear spicy in this spicy topic?? I'm still reading - will be back once finished. This sounds interesting.

sbu001
13 Sep 2007 06:44

sjura:just take the good points from this discussion ufake epokothweni and don't thuka abantu.this is reality of how evrything happens

Direre
13 Sep 2007 06:46

@ Zaa--and if by any luck u do go, there's no more hugging & holding hands like it used to b and he's either walking behind u or in front u...(wa go shiya) so that no 1 notices that u actually 2gether (eish banna mara) . You are so damn right my sista!!!!

If he no longer pick you up at work or take you to work....the only thing you can do is buy a more beautiful and expensive car....

Gals how about turning the table around??? if he cheated, don't cry ....show him that he did you a favour by cheating....and live your life to the fullest, buy a car or a house if you are working, if you are still at school, go out with your friends every weekend and get that degree gal.....HOW ABOUT SHOWING HIM THAT HE IS NOT WORTH YOUR TEARS!!!!

Gucci
13 Sep 2007 06:48

Advice:Stay with ur phone and he stays with his >>>BIG T for TRUE.

Ye Bhuti - I like ur name!!!!

Sjura - Tjo tjo tjo......he he he.

Sbuhleza
13 Sep 2007 06:50

hey guys .. long time nhe?

we can say all things about cheater's, there is a saying that says once a cheater always a cheater . while i was doing matric i had an eye in some guy who was dam fine and handsome, lucky for me he also had an eye on me and he made the first move(but hey he was in grade 10). well we fell in-love and we were madly in it, i passed my matric went to university and everytime when the terms ends and i went back home i always had stories about him being with who(i did ask him several time and he will tell me that they are lying, they are just jelous of us) Yazi he would give me all of his time like i cud ever need, we we kept going and the rumours kept going about different gals that he go out with when im not around, until one time when my couzin told me they have a trip to dbn and he paid fo the gal that he is with at the time, hey i went there to see for myself and yes they were there together like two doves who are lliving in their own world. He was shocked to see me there and i dumped him in the spot. He tried to beg me telling me that the only reason he had that/those affairs was because mina i said no sex before marriage and yena as a boy he cant cope with that, so instead of forcing me to it, he thought it will be better if he get it somewhere else. But hey if he real loved me he could have waited for me or atleast tell me that he cant. So i dumped him, no reason could ever be enough for cheating on me. 3 years later after my graduation i met my soul mate, that i'll be marrying soon. So ppl dont waiste your valuable time onn those loosers, A PERSON WHO LOVES YOU WONT HURT YOU INTENTIONALLY, and cheating is day-light intentionally

sbu001
13 Sep 2007 06:50

dintha:To be honest guys just like shagging,i don't want to say this but hey just shagging

Ye Bhuti
13 Sep 2007 06:51

Heh Sjura I think Sbu said enough....unlike you i have manners......Also i'm entitled to my opinion.......
Lilonke ke ndicela uziphathe kahle...ungandisukeli

sbu001
13 Sep 2007 06:56

sbuhle wrote:3 years later after my graduation i met my soul mate

Is there something like a soul mate???????????

KeleFabulous
13 Sep 2007 06:56

haaibo! i asked a q and none of u have responded??? i don't have all day u know

Toodecent
13 Sep 2007 06:58

001 you are speaking for yourself akere..?

Dintha
13 Sep 2007 07:00

Yhe Bhuti, uyas'qhela nyani .........Into inje. If you're not cheating then you're going to be cheated on and if not then you're damn lucky. Wena, do yourself a favour and enjoy ubomi sana. Leave indaba ye-phone coz if you'll be krapping my phone then we might as well have the same/one phone-didn't think so. Don't scratch where it doesn't itch or else you'll develop some nasty rash.

sbu001
13 Sep 2007 07:01

From this discussion it seems as if its only guys who cheat ,the best cheaters are ladies because u will never find out until they are pregnant and they tell you its not your child.

Sbuhleza
13 Sep 2007 07:02

@sbu001 ......... hell yes there is a soul mate out there, once you find one you will definately know but until then you'll keep wondering

sponono
13 Sep 2007 07:03

babyjoe what happened to Dimples

sbu001
13 Sep 2007 07:05

TDC:deny it all u want u know that I'm telling the truth

Ye Bhuti
13 Sep 2007 07:06

100% Sbu001

Don't scratch where it doesn't itch or else you'll develop some nasty rash. Yhoooo Dintha indigqibile lomgca ungasentla.......

sjura
13 Sep 2007 07:06

MMMHHHH.im so interestd in ukuba whch wrd(s) u guyz word fild in on those question mrks cz its clearly nt a gud one kwa uba nithi im swearin o dnt hv manners.and so far in wht u 2 guyz (YHE BHUTI N SBU001) have sed i jst c no gud points i can take with m unless m crazy o azithathi kahle apha kum. Nam m entitled to pikisa ur opinions guyz if it infringes on ma views.

babyjoe
13 Sep 2007 07:08

Dimples is around, she is one of the few people who are on the site 24/7 but don't send replies cos the topic is not of interest or don't have time

Preshiii
13 Sep 2007 07:08

Tinyiko, soory for calling you an idiot, uyangikwatisa mawucabanga the way you do....Neway, different strokes for different folks......

Bloggers, we need to understand that people who cheat are not "cheating" on you. They're actually cheating on themselves from experiencing ultimate intimacy with a partner. And understand that a man or woman that cheats on you, has a mindset or pattern of beliefs that renders him or her an invalid in experiencing intimacy & that person has "personal issues" that have nothing to do with you. Your issue with him is betrayal & betrayal only. I find that most people when their trust of monogamy has been betrayed by their partner, they tend to interrogate themselves, their self-esteem suffering in the process.

For the sake of your sanity & intact self-worth, stay away from such a person, or if you feel the relationship is worth a try, only do so & go to therapy together, knowing that at the very back of your mind, you will be "constantly reminded" of it as soon as one of the "signs" comes up again, because once someone has betrayed the relationship's monogamous trust, one of the consequential emotions in the betrayed one, is paranoia.

babyjoe
13 Sep 2007 07:10

Is there something like a soul mate??????????? there is no such thing. Chris Rock say that the closer one can get to a soul mate is a f**king buddy and thats it.

sbu001
13 Sep 2007 07:11

sjura:u can take this for example

Don't scratch where it doesn't itch or else you'll develop some nasty rash.Dintha a good one!!

Toodecent
13 Sep 2007 07:11

Sbu you might be telling the truth but then you speaking for yourself... I know of a guy 24 years old has dated 1 chick for 5 years and never shagged. The only time he shagged was when he got drunk and then was taken to cloud 9 by this naughty chick nje.. and again donot generalise when you say guys are in it for a shagg!

zaa
13 Sep 2007 07:12

<HOW ABOUT SHOWING HIM THAT HE IS NOT WORTH YOUR TEARS!!!!>>>Sho Ntombazana...but it's easier said than done...there r those moments that u feel really really lonely and there's nothing u can do but cry urself to sleep, i know, bin there...dun that!

babyjoe
13 Sep 2007 07:13

people who cheat are not "cheating" on you. They're actually cheating on themselves my ex boyfriend used to say this all the time and damn, he did cheat on himself.....

sponono
13 Sep 2007 07:21

KeleFAb- being the "other woman" is the same as beign cheated on but if the guy was married, then I guees you are feeling bad that you were breakin a marriage...well here's my 2cents, be very very selfish in this case...YOU were cheated on (you dont know the wifey, dont worry about her and the marriage thing) you did not know...but as I said...call it quits while you can and run for your life coz "the other woman" NEVER finds happiness evn if he gets divorced -he might do the same thing to you..espcially since he didnt tell you that youre the other woman......as smart as you are I hope this is how you handled your situation
which means we are both single hi hi hi hi -potential affair hi hi hi

hey peps whats wrong with admitting that you just want the shenanay at least you
are bein honest...thats for you sjura for jumpin on sbudah

adn girls dont think that you are that good at cheating, we just pretend as if we cant see because it destroys your manhood to admit so we either try to do stuff for you or some will mura you for no reason if they cant prove their suspcions those who dont do the above its becasue they dont care that much...

myname
13 Sep 2007 07:21

Cell phone means private phone. Please dont spy by taking some1's fone rather do something else not paging some1's fone without her/his permission otherwise u wil cry.Talking from exp.

Zhico
13 Sep 2007 07:22

hey you guys...nice article Njinga

B4 i read thru the replies I just wanted to tell you that there is nothing major abt cheating...it's always bn done and it will continue...

To my friend:
We can share everything but not my man...otherwise utshisa mpama...

Ye Bhuti
13 Sep 2007 07:23

know of a guy 24 years old has dated 1 chick for 5 years and never shagged.
This guy is in serious trouble......

sbu001
13 Sep 2007 07:25

TDC:Point taken...but hey 5 years dude ! congrats to the dude he won't get Aids

KeleFabulous
13 Sep 2007 07:30

gosh i have neva in my life felt this ignored...i'm off to find myself some new friends

sbu001
13 Sep 2007 07:32

ye bhuti wrote:This guy is in serious trouble......ha ha ha

monchooza
13 Sep 2007 07:35

001 some people are not relationships for the shagging but fop love, and remember love is not sex, and sex is not an act of love but lust......

Sbuhleza
13 Sep 2007 07:39

@babyjoe ....... that's Chris Rock' s opinion and there is only one Chris Rock

Preshiii
13 Sep 2007 07:39

Hayibo Kelefab, U Sponono answered you nje? And I think he/she did such a great job, we'll be messing it up should we add our bhanxad opinions

myname
13 Sep 2007 07:41

zaa
13 Sep 2007 07:42

preshii, how cum u not on gold?

sponono
13 Sep 2007 07:44

haayi man kele I replied kaloku yintoni kanene..suhamba

pimp
13 Sep 2007 07:45

i had this guy dat i could sense dat he was cheating on me i broke up with him but only do get back with him bcos he came back and granteed dat he was not cheating things r much beta dis round

babyjoe
13 Sep 2007 07:46

i know there is only one Chris Rock. I also believe there is no such thing, why don't you ask yurself how you can fall in love with 10 or more people in your life time and there was a time when you thought you belonged together????? is it strange that you can break up with a perosn and fall head over heels with another????

sponono
13 Sep 2007 07:48

assomblief can sumbody help me load die prente to my gallery..I'm a bit daft around this hour ...so if one pf you clever muntuz can guide me i'll put my pics on my gallery so that its more schleby like some of y'alls

libra
13 Sep 2007 07:48

What do u want in his phone anyway,I hate it when chicks go out of their way to find something on my phone- i prefare to leave my man's phone alone-he can go bath and leave it with i wont touch it - unless it rings then i ll answer and give it to him-i must say i am lucky though cos he always says gore ke mang who was calling - if he is lying i wont know and i do not care-if he lies -he is the one with a problem not me- what u dont know wont hurt u.

Is there something like a soul mate??????????? i believe there is-in fact i believe there is someone for everyone sometimes that come across our lifes and we do nt notice cos we are too busy building our careers/loving the wrong person/wanting our indepedence therefore our soulmates passes by without us noticing. i know girls sometimes say i am still too young to be in a committeed nexxt u know u are are lonely , that's my opinion anyway

Preshiii
13 Sep 2007 07:49

Andazi yenzwa njani lento mna, iyabhatalelwa lento okanye?

zaa
13 Sep 2007 07:51

Pimp:<<i had this guy dat i could sense dat he was cheating on me i broke up with him but only do get back with him bcos he came back and granteed dat he was not cheating things r much beta dis round>>

And u blivd him? (**shaking head**) of cos things r much better now, but how long is it going to last? He wants u 2 b in the comfy zone and he'll STRIKE AGAIN, trust me....

La Dolce Vita
13 Sep 2007 07:52

I broke up wit this guy beng'imfele blind mara ngoku siyabana. Which isn't the most healthiest thing that I have eva done in my life... I know I'm sellimg myself shot and all that jazz bt I can't help it and it's not even abt the sex NEmo..I just hav that craving to b aound him and just b in his presence even ho asisathandani...WHAT'S A GIRL 2 DO?

spice
13 Sep 2007 07:57

To my dear friend weiss

The reason I am not responding is because my replies are being delete by one of the moderators why I don't know , according to me i was just keeping the ball rolling ,when i tried explaining i got deleted again so I decided to keep my opinions to meself because if they can delete all your replies they can also disregister/unregister you, thank you for noticing that i am not replying you are a good friend

I hope you read this reply cause you'll never know

Yours Faithfully
spice

tshepiso
13 Sep 2007 07:59

to have a makhwapheni is good, you can even have 3, same as you like your cars every car with its spare wheel.

you can have : baby girl
                           side piece
                           jump off
                              OR
MINISTERS
finance
transport etc
is up to u
go onnnnnn girl
shit
lefatshe le senyagile kgale so, lets continue.

sbu001
13 Sep 2007 07:59

libra:soulmate,i don't believe there is such a thing for a relationship to work u.both partners must work on it otherwise its gonna be a mess.

just how many times have u fallen in love with a person and think we were mean't to be together but end up breaking up.

If u won't find the soulmate coz u luving the wrong person then it means it was never mean't to be ,Agreed??

Preshiii
13 Sep 2007 08:00

had this guy dat i could sense dat he was cheating on me i broke up with him but only do get back with him bcos he came back and granteed dat he was not cheating things r much beta dis round

Thixo nofefe!!!

Weiss
13 Sep 2007 08:00

There's nothing for me to say - just that cheating is bad & it backfires. Being caught cheating, especially when you are in bed - makes you feel just like a dog (that is if you have morals). You cannot stop someone else from cheating, but you can stop yourself from being robbed. Leave the bastard, and dont look back!!

It's very hard to regain the trust you once had from you loved one, because at the back of their minds, they still have that disturbing picture of you. As for being the other women - If he has cheated with you, he can cheat on you very easy. Leave the bastard he doesn't deserve you & your so called "patience". Bottom line is that we know it is wrong but we keep doing it.

Gucci
13 Sep 2007 08:03

gosh i have neva in my life felt this ignored...i'm off to find myself some new friends @Kele

Oooh Child....go visit ur GB >>>> u've got some loove from me. Dont cry *tears*

babyjoe
13 Sep 2007 08:03

WHAT'S A GIRL 2 DO? leave him alone, and find something better to do or to focus your attention on.

There is this guy i cannot get over and now he is married and there is a strong chemistry between us. i thought we were soul mates and all but he married someone else and even had the decency to tell me he still cares yada yada yada. i believed it for a while but later realised that he didn't give a ish about me. we were not having sex or anthing like that but we used to communicate on the phone or email.

I then decided not to contact him and my life was so much better, i went out with other guys and bit by bit i forgot about the smell of his perfume and all that other nonsense you convince yourself is great about him. i am happy i moved away from the situation cos i'll be a Makhwapeni right now. he hasn't divorced his wife and its been 2 years now, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!!

zaa
13 Sep 2007 08:03

Preshii, gold status ke mahala nou, u shud hev it

LD Vita: Do u really have to do that?

Preshiii
13 Sep 2007 08:03

Hi hi hi.... (Spice) Metlae feela!!!

To my dear friend weiss

The reason I am not responding is because my replies are being delete by one of the moderators why I don't know , according to me i was just keeping the ball rolling ,when i tried explaining i got deleted again so I decided to keep my opinions to meself because if they can delete all your replies they can also disregister/unregister you, thank you for noticing that i am not replying you are a good friend

I hope you read this reply cause you'll never know

Yours Faithfully
spice

sponono
13 Sep 2007 08:05

awu bathong Spice thats just not on..I know y'd spice things up I'm gonna speak to my boss (I'm the assistant moderator incase y'all didnt know) I know excatly how to twist his arm to let your replies thru..hawu ngeke phela kulunge lutho ungasakhulu spicy-girl - by fire by force...hi hi hi

Preshiii
13 Sep 2007 08:06

TDC, if legolide i mahala, why ndise mnyama....ndifunukwazi!

sjura
13 Sep 2007 08:10

@SBU001 that bold thingi daznt apply 2 me.

@SPONZAmaPonzana Sbu can take his honesty sumwhr o 2 d blck bag bt id clap hm if he wr 2 tel m 2 col t quits bt athi h wnts 2 continue shagin.

n LDV SHOOO sis ngiyakuzwela.

sbu001
13 Sep 2007 08:16

LDV wrote :I broke up wit this guy beng'imfele blind mara ngoku siyabana. Which isn't the most healthiest thing that I have eva done in my life... I know I'm sellimg myself shot and all that jazz bt I can't help it and it's not even abt the sex NEmo..I just hav that craving to b aound him and just b in his presence even ho asisathandani...WHAT'S A GIRL 2 DO?

Oh shame is that how it feels,but hey don't do he won't love u more.He will think about u when ecrabhile qha.Trust me

Weiss
13 Sep 2007 08:21

Ahh, no! I feel bad that spice feels cheated! Lift up ur spirits spicy - I don't ignore you!.. I know y'd spice things up I'm gonna speak to my boss (I'm the assistant moderator incase y'all didnt know) Ha! Ha! Sponono!

I hope that you feel better, spice! **hugs hugs**. Sponono - help my dear spicy, please!

sbu001
13 Sep 2007 08:23

sjura:which bold thing?

sjura
13 Sep 2007 08:27

dat scrathn whr thz no rush thingi

KeleFabulous
13 Sep 2007 08:37

hahahaha @ spice

ok i c ur reply now spopo...missed that one because as i said i'm browsing thru the replies as i have too much work to do

and he wasn't married...althou he did get married sometimeafter i broke it off...maybe he was engaged when we were together...i don't know and don't really care anymore. but ke yes we are broken up but we have a lifelong tie...he's my baby daddy...

Ye Bhuti
13 Sep 2007 08:40

Can someone please aswer Preshiii regarding the gold status coz mna andazi into isebenza kanjani????

revenue
13 Sep 2007 08:43

Finding out that ur partner is cheating makes u a better person at end, bt i can't help it i cheat all the time

sbu001
13 Sep 2007 08:43

ye bhuti:they just thought he doesn't deserve the gold status,answered?

Toodecent
13 Sep 2007 08:45

Preshii try to log out and log in again I really dont understand why you are black but it may be some technical error.

Preshiii
13 Sep 2007 08:46

Ye Bhuti....Can someone please aswer Preshiii regarding the gold status coz mna andazi into isebenza kanjani????

Semblief tog!

sjura
13 Sep 2007 08:47

the west thng u can eva fnd out whn paging ur "boyfrend"'z fone is to find out that ur name is A GUYZ name.eg Mzukisi kodwa ndiyicheri.Yhoo Ama Ou ndiyawahlonipha kodwa!

Ye Bhuti
13 Sep 2007 08:49

Tjo tjoooo Revenue.....u are asking for trouble now.....don't say i didn't warn you..

Miss K
13 Sep 2007 08:54

Sbu u sound like a typical Xhosa man. Coward. Just tell the gal ure not feeling them no more instead of cheating on her.

All i know is that Karma is b!tch. U will find a gal u really like 1 day and want to settle down then she'll be the one cheating on you! Payback time for all the sh!t u did to other women. Wait for it all u cheaters!

zaa
13 Sep 2007 08:55

sjura<<the west thng u can eva fnd out whn paging ur "boyfrend"'z fone is to find out that ur name is A GUYZ name.eg Mzukisi kodwa ndiyicheri.Yhoo Ama Ou ndiyawahlonipha kodwa!>>>

ROFLMAO, then what do u do after that? Do u confront him or do u jst ignore it & continue being uMzukisi...hi hi hi uyandikillisha

Sae
13 Sep 2007 08:58

This is a very painful thing to discuss but I will anyway because I am in that actuall situation at the moment and I can tell you all is sucks being where I am guys. Well cutting a long story short I have been married for almost 7 years and now I found out that my husband has been having an on and off relationship with some fluzyy (sp). I agree with Belz that sometimes we sense these things but we ignore them because its comfortable. I have been sensing things in my whole marriage but b/c I respect people and thier space and I want them to do the same I have always never been a nozy wife. Blv'd in give him space but that sometimes works against a person.

Whats worse is that I had to find out when I was expecting my second child and and even my younger sisters new but where too afraid to tell me. It took my searching his cell phone around midnight b/c he had forgotten it at home and blv me when I say in all our years together I had never done what I did. Guess what I found out what I wanted and eventually spoke to the gilfriend and you cud imagine what more i found out. So eventually I left, its been four weeks I moved back home where I dont have space and it sucks. I am sooooo happy I left the idiot but the thought of starting over is as scary as hell (that is if I know what hell feels like but I have made peace with it because I made the decision and while everybody says I needed to stay for the kids sake my question is WHAT ABOUT ME? I think my kids will survive because I will be there to take care of them not dead b/c some stupid full had given me AIDS so in a nutshell my fear for AIDS is greater than my love for him period.

Its a long story to give details but you can throw questions and will answer accordingly myb then it will make sense otherwise I need 10 pages to give the whole story:-)

andi01
13 Sep 2007 08:59

People say u shouldnt page ur man's phone, why not if he aint hiding nothing

myname
13 Sep 2007 09:04

Mamela ke zaa i did follow uMzukisi bcoz i didnt trust this name. And guess what it was usisiNomonde. Usisi omdala can u imagine confronting u-K o-10 years older than u

andi01
13 Sep 2007 09:06

@Sae, ur story really touched me, it is said. "Whats worse is that I had to find out when I was expecting my second child" My word of advice would be neva regret the fact that u already had 2 kids. God blessed u with those naughty ones, and he knew what he was doing. Just be glad u came out of that marriage with something you'll always love and cherishe, and will do the same for you. Those are ur kids they will neva cheat on u. Yes u hurt now but always remember ur blessings and put them first.

myname
13 Sep 2007 09:08

And gues what she said, i know u & i dont mind sharing with u bcoz i know u r so nice & quiet. i was like uthini?Unless uyathakatha bt HELL NO i can share with u

sjura
13 Sep 2007 09:09

i askd y sendingu Ta Mzu"? n he sed thz no sch m lyk dial ma numba n c wht appears...wathi "yho babes i dnt knw hw it happnd" ndamtshela ukuthi its OVAVA ke bhuti bcz ts clear mos ukuthi hz a B>>>H.one thng i dnt do z 2 w8t 4 a guy 2 xplain y sumthngz happen cz yho they can make u doubt urself jst lyk Kennie z doing 2 Dinny.so i dnt gv em dt chnce

Miss K
13 Sep 2007 09:09

@Direre ure so right, the best way to get back at your cheating ex is for him to see u doing so well after he left u. I get such a kick when i bump into my ex and u can see the disbilief in his eyes. I'm so tempted to ask him 'Can u believe ittttttt???'

Eish mara the first few months after finding out were hell, serious bantu ndakija esibhedlele. But now i can laugh about it , so as the Xhosa's say 'Liduduma lidlule'

monchooza
13 Sep 2007 09:11

Preshi hlabela amadlozi izindlela zakho zizovuleka bese u thola i promotion to gold status

Preshiii
13 Sep 2007 09:12

Testing...testing

fefe
13 Sep 2007 09:15

I found out that my boyfriend of four years was cheating we started dating when i was 14 and he was 16 i was devistated but finally i got over him its never easy to let go pf what you love and hold dear to your heart

i still don't speak to him sotay coz he hurt me very much,i learnt that he was not worthy of my love

Preshiii
13 Sep 2007 09:15

YHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, IGOLIDE BAFETHU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks TDC, took your advice & voila. Ingxaki kukuthi bendisoloko ndicima i nkompyutha pha ku X on my right hand side, ndi nga logi off....Ya undarkie neh! Thanks Bro!

Lerata
13 Sep 2007 09:15

You guys must read this book: He is just not that into you.

KeleFabulous
13 Sep 2007 09:15

@ Sae andi01 is soo right when he/she (hi hi hi) said the good thing that came out of it is them kids. babies are a blessing no matter how they came about....i treasure myne even thou he came out of a not so ideal relationship. so treasure those kids and enjoy every minute! men are bastards nje but ke u have to believe, like i do, that there are still some good men out there...it's just a matter of finding one of them!

sbu001
13 Sep 2007 09:16

Miss K:i think u saw my reply ,but it has been deleted.....i was just saying we Xhosa(cowards)guys are very sensitive so we don't know what u might do to urself if we tell u the truth.

KeleFabulous
13 Sep 2007 09:22

hae man Lerata o timetsa bana babang!!! guys DON'T buy/read that book...i bought it(what a waste!) and i promise u if u do u'll thing ALL men are just not into you! that book just goes to the extreme and really, people are different and don't all approach the same way hawu!

Lady.RO.
13 Sep 2007 09:23

[Take the bull by da hones].
Walking away is never a solution!! Rather sit him/her down and talk about it. Hear da story (and at the same time asking questions) and then take it from there. Although there is no excuse when it comes to cheating, but i think talking is really the best way to solve a problem. Then after that: da decision is Al Yoz to make, as to turn your back or give it another try.

sjura
13 Sep 2007 09:24

eish bt maar kodwa Miss K uyandchaza wena waitsa(plz doz wu knw the lang dnt bite ma head atlist m trying) u tell it lyk it z.U a REAL WOMAN.I knw hw it filz whn u jst found out dat the person u thot luvd u is cheatin bt andkajiki esibedlele n soze.not afta what iv jst survived.

Lerata
13 Sep 2007 09:25

Kele baby, you should not feel down and sorru for yourself. I think you did the right thing and it will get better with time skatie!
Yaou are such a beautiful lady and someone will DEFINATELY sweep you off your feet! You dont need so much drama in your life girl!

spice
13 Sep 2007 09:26

@Sae you made the right choice sana that idiot is not worthy of you just dust yourself up and move on ,you know sung thingz are just a blessings in disguise maybe there is a special sungone sung where for you but for now keep your focus on yourself and the kids do staff that you neva did when you were his slave and it will get betta with time trust me

myname
13 Sep 2007 09:29

Shame Sae sorry standwa sam. Kuthwa xa kungavumi kweli side another door opens. Plz do me a favour b strong & luv those precious ones & gud luck sana. Guys im out of here. C u 2morrow & thanks its weekend

Toxic
13 Sep 2007 09:36

@Sae:
It's natural to feel apprehensive abt the direction your life is now taking but it will get better. It's true that your kids will survive, they'll thrive even better in a home where there's love than in one where the one party is hurting.

You made the right decision cause in the end , you end up with the emotional scars that never heal building up resentment against this man until it all becomes TOXIC. Great going gal, and it will get better with time....like Andi01 said, concentrate on the good that came out of the relationship i.e your kids and even if sung one doesn't come along right now, that's fine cause you need time to deal with all this *bleep!* he brought into your life and u don't wanna be carrying this burden/baggage into your next relationship.

monchooza
13 Sep 2007 09:37

preshiii i did say something on your guest book

Preshiii
13 Sep 2007 09:46

Monchooza - usisthandwa sentliziyo yami. Thank you my darling friend!

sponono
13 Sep 2007 09:47

Sae thats just sad...in-as-much-as(is that one word) I dont agree with checking someones phone, I think in your case it was just time for you to find out one way or the other..and starting all over has never been easy even for him...and PLIZ try to leave that baggage behind and look forward to another new beginning-most women carry the past baggage (and it can be quite heaavy) so whenever y'all are in a relationship you keep lunguzaring in your bags to see if there are any similarities...that wont work instead it might jeopadize your knew realationship coz you'll be lookin for signs that are not even there because of your baggage....I know it aint easy but REAL LIFE has NOTHIG to do with EASY..good luck though even if there's no space at home they still love you...

BTW if he begs you and you feel like going back "thats OK it just means you were not ready nd nobody should tell you otherwise because nobody knows how you feel but they''ll be telling you to not go back because of how THEY feel about the situation....thats my five cents

Annonymous
13 Sep 2007 09:50

Guys, I just wanna say thank u for ur responses, u know I always hear people saying that when u are down, God always brings someone to pull u up. That's exactly what u guys have done for me today. I am going through a hectic seperation with the "so called love of my life" becoz of the most humiliating & most character destroying form of cheating that happened to me and before reading this blog I really didn't see myself overcoming this becoz it's really sad how we give our all to someone and we build this beautiful palace only to have that destroyed in the end. As much as we always emphasise the fact that blogging here at TVSA is in the name of fun, today I'd like to highlight the enlightment, inspiration, motivation, education & wisdom that is also gained here. The other thing is that there are people who always have the humour to make u laugh & the strength to make u strong and that's why when my collegues say I am addicted to TVSA, I am proud coz its a healthy addiction. Thnx guys, I really didn't mean to get all Dr Phil on u, but u have no idea how much this single blog & it's responses has done for me, oh & big ups to njingalwazi...............now I know 4 sure that after all this confessing I don't see myself ever revealing my identity...........hehehe

Toxic
13 Sep 2007 09:56

LOL Annon (at the last part of your post). Talking(in this case, typing) about your problems, really helps. It sounds cliched but it's true..the more you talk about it, the better it gets to deal with and get a handle on things.

Want to write more but trying to shake off the blog within a blog image:)

spice
13 Sep 2007 09:58

Okay I need sum kleenex

sjura
13 Sep 2007 10:00

Oh Shame nomAAAA wat a loss 2 ur ''so called love of ur life"I hope u recovering very well nhe!!n dnt eva stop loving!

sponono
13 Sep 2007 10:00

Fefe...you're 18 and he's 20 and you were in LOVE since four years ago...
yooohhh and you were holding him dearly to your heart from the age of 14.....yessses ninothando bantwana banamuhla.....I wuz still playing with tyres and wired cars at tha age LOL me is madala-gugile

andi01
13 Sep 2007 10:05

@Annon true dat girl, thats how i got Toxic stuck in my mind, coz she was one of the people who were there for me in ways they neva knew, sometimes indirectly bygiving advice about something that has happened 2 u. So Toxic ur my girl nigga.

Dino
14 Sep 2007 02:23

Mna I say leave the bastard's black ass. (He is black right? LOL) Anyhoo, I always believed that all bastards deserved a chance and stayed with my trifling boyfriend. BIG MISTAKE!! He died about three months ago & guess what? 3 kids (from different mothers nogal) materialised outta nowhere. If I knew then what I know now, I would left his trifling ass when I had the chance. Decision is yoz coz it is you who has to live with it. GOOD LUCK!

Sae
14 Sep 2007 04:08

Eish bafowethu yu had me in tears for the moments there with y'all responses about my issue that I had to go to the loo and get myself together. Anyway thanks lol's and Sponono blv me I am not going back to that bustard I will have to go to hell before even considering that option but thanks for your honesty. As for my kids they are the only thing thats keeping me going at the moment and I dont have regrets about them even though I sometime wonder how I could have failed them so much to choose that bustard to be thier father but I guess I can not change that hey! Anonymous you hang ing there girl the sun will shine on us someday soon.

Titanic
14 Sep 2007 05:00

Gaaad!!!!!! This hits home. It just happened on Saturday, am still an emotional wreck right now. Dont know where to start.

Sae
14 Sep 2007 05:45

Titanic I've been there and it sucks! Its been a couple of weeks lol, take a deep breath this is too fresh to even want to discuss because you dont know where to start.

Pru
14 Sep 2007 08:49

Nna I'd say leave the guy,I realize its not gonna be easy bt, gal he'll do it again.What makes you think he won't do it the 2nd time, mos you are ok with it you'll just forgive.You must put yourself first, if you are happy staying with the LOOSER then well you can stick around bt, don't cry when he does it again.

Pru
14 Sep 2007 08:52

"To my friend:
We can share everything but not my man...otherwise utshisa mpama... "
Hayi Zhico would you even have that energy to tshisa mpama?

njingalwazi
18 Sep 2007 06:44

Thanks guys, the article was from a personal experience. Well it's good to see that most people have suffered the same pain. YOU ROCK!

caro
13 Jun 2012 11:37

? What is different there coz at the end u will catch the virus by sleeping with all of them................
GWA SWANA ....IF HE IS CHEATING WITH THREE. LADIES UR SLEEPING WITH EVERY BRADA THEY R SLIPPIN WITH

SORRY I NO ITS OLD BUT I JS HAV TO REPLY.

stinti
13 Jun 2012 12:04

lol @caro, oe hweditse kae column e mmawena?

stinti
13 Jun 2012 12:06

Im enjoying reading the comments though

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