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To Do Or Not To Do

Written by KeleFabulous from the blog Cherry Baby on 22 Apr 2008
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My baby started creche on the 3rd March. Today I might have to take him to the Doctor now for the 4th time (this excludes followup visits). I'm drained emotionally, mentally and physically. When does enough become enough?

Aside from his health, everything's going quite well. I hate it when he wakes up in the morning before his time because then he starts nagging me (gibberish but I still get it) to get going. If he even sees me holding his bag he runs to the door. He gets all excited when I pull into the driveway of the creche and happily (gibberishly) greets the security guy at the gate. From then on he doesn't want mommy holding him/his hand as he happily makes his way into their little class. If the music's not on already the "teacher" jumps to switch on and we all delight in seeing my little Punku dancing to the tunes of Old Mcdonald and Baba Black Sheep... He's happy there. That much is obvious. But the constant illness is making me ill now!

His first illness consisted of a bout of the flu, vomititing and a bit of thulula (the English version's spelling escapes me even now). Took him to the dr and he got better. He also started losing weight (wasn't eating the food at creche) so I started packing him his lunch along with b'fast and sncaks for the day. But there was this cough that just never went away and me being me I've been self-medicating the little ruscal. A coupla weeks after that I had to take him back again, same symptoms. He got better (except for that bloody cough) and now this weekend I took him again, for the third time! Worse now, he even had a fever. Just think how cold it was sunday night and my baby only slept in nothing but a vest, not even a blanket! The fever broke sometime yesterday but the flu just doesn't seem to get any better. This morning I saw blood on his pillow and when I wiped his nose there was blood there....why must they get so sick?!

I don't practice traditional customs all that much and my son ha aso tiisiwe (xiniswa) and everyone's telling me he needs to be a.s.a.p. I was meant to take him the 2nd time he got sick but my mom said it wasn't necessary as there were only 1/2 black kids in his class so go imelwa can't be an issue. What is this about exactly? Why do parents/grandparents tiisa their kids only so they can imela other kids? I don't get it, somebody please explain. This other lady at work is saying I must bring him this evening so we can take him to her pastor and he can pray for him. At this pint I really am willing to try anything, I don't care anymore. 

The weekend I had said enough is enough, he's no longer going to creche. But my mom said it's too soon for me to give up. I should give it another month. How can I when he's suffering so?! Despite the fact that creche is probably the best thing that's ever happened to him (he's happier...that bit of interaction with other kids goes a long way...plus he's learning stuff I was struggling to get him to learn but now he's seeing other kids doing and it becomes easier...), is all of that really worth his health? Am I giving up too soon? Although I don't want to, I have to take heed of my mom's suggestions (you know rona bo darkie esp if you're still living with mom, you'll never really make decisions on your own) and give it one more month. I told my mom it's only gonna get worse as it's getting colder and windier now...she says he'll be better once he's seen "inyanga" or whatever they call those people...

I basically need some reassurance, as a mother, from other mothers out there, that taking him back will not mean I'm a bad mother. That maybe it is too soon to give up now. That this tiising business really will help him I feel so helpless and hopeless...when is enough really enough?




28 Comments

KeleFabulous
22 Apr 2008 01:13

a mother's cry for help...!

Toxic
22 Apr 2008 01:23

can't guide you there. all i know is i followed my instincts and took my daughter out of that creche she was in cause of the constant illness-i don't regret it.  My baby loves being where she is and she can always start again next year.

As for ho tiiswa, i did none of that and sometimes wonder if i should have but we recently took her to moprofita ko Soweto for prayers and she now wears a green string around her belly and her appetite's returned-go figure!

Nonny
22 Apr 2008 01:24

Arg man Kele u're such a caring mother, I hope ur little one gets well soon. I am in no position to give motherly advice so I'll leave that to abo Cnglemom no Toxic, but all I know that sometimes u take ur child to the doctor and he still doesn't get better all becoz the help he needs is traditional, so perhaps u should try taking him to inyanga, it might help, and besides what do u have to loose?

Toxic
22 Apr 2008 01:31

There's this "trend" of black babies dying before their 1st or 3rd birthday (don't know the significance of the odd number) and it's worrying. I've heard stories of couples that have lost their kids cause they didn't perform some ritual or other and hey i find myself praying that my baby lives past her 3rd birthday!

KeleFabulous
22 Apr 2008 01:33

what ritual is this, Tox? wa ntshosa yano...

Nonny
22 Apr 2008 01:41

i find myself praying that my baby lives past her 3rd birthday!
@ Toxic, ritual or no ritual, if ur baby is meant to live beyond her 3rd birthday it will happen, so stop stressing.

Toxic
22 Apr 2008 01:43

Don't know le nna, i just know that there's something that must be done to ngwana ho mo tiisa so that this tragedy does not befall you/your family. That's why mine has a seat-belt.....just in case!

Pinkpoodle
22 Apr 2008 01:48

I am not a mother so i don't really know what you are going through and i really feel for you.

I beleive in one mighty power and if you put your faith and trust in him he will pull you through all this pray for your son. 
Nothing beats prayer and God  

Best-Achiever
22 Apr 2008 01:51

There's this "trend" of black babies dying before their 1st or 3rd birthday 

@Toxic ...i think maybe it was a coincidence for those couples ... My sister's baby boy is 4 now and there has never been a ritual think that was done for him ever since he was born neither us .... maybe it goes with beliefs

@Kele ... im sorry about ur baby but let believe he's gonna be fine ... i cant help you much, dont have a mortherly experience ... all i know is PRAYER WORKS

felfel
22 Apr 2008 01:54

Try taking him out of creche for a while so he can recover at home Kele, that way you can monitor if its the creche environment thats making him sick or really something more than that.
My twin nieces are two years old, they went to creche for one day, they cam e back so sick that they literary stopped eating, they lost so much weight. They were living on water the whole day, whatever they eat they would both vomit it at night. They had diarhea and one had a nose bleed at night. This went on for two weeks and they were getting weaker and weaker from not eating, Dr. gave them medication but it wasn't helping. Until one day their father made them drink Coke, thats when they stopped being sick. They are healthy now, not going to creche. They eat anything and everything, one swallowed a chain and my sister only saw it in the stools when she was changing her.

belz
22 Apr 2008 01:58

Auuw shame Kele man, i beleive in tradition and all those things and umntwana ma ezalwa there is stuff that needs to be done, mina i'd take him to inyanga or mprofita, whateva feels right to you, seeing as the doctor is not helping, hope the little one gets beta man. as for taking him out of school maybe wait a bit, jsut try and get him better then he can go back to school

monchooza
22 Apr 2008 02:11

I guess this thing goes with beliefs.....

Cause mina in my family (which has a lot of kids, babies and toddlers) none of the kids have been taken to inyanga for inyoni, or imbeleko or any of these sicknesses associated with kids. and i tell you none of them has given us any nkinga and none of them died young.......All we do if the doctor cant help is to Pray....and all becomes well.

Molilo
22 Apr 2008 02:14

Kele it is normal for kids to get sick when they start cretch both black and white I have friends who took their kids off till their next birthday. My advise take ur child off this year and try the cretch next year it will work 4 u. 

Segololo
22 Apr 2008 02:19

welcome to the club, Kfab!!!

mseu
22 Apr 2008 02:28

My apologies for getting out of the topic. Does anybody have a background of L'vovo derango my child is expect to present on him at school. PLEASE HELP GUYS.

Fluffy Head
22 Apr 2008 02:44

I'm not a mother but I do know a couple of mothers.....I think its something that happens to most kids when they start school.
I think it goes back to that whole thing of changing environments and being exposed to more bacteria than normal but he should come around in no time. 

The problem is that young mothers protect their kids sooo uch from dirt and bacteria...you will disinfect everything at home to make sure its safe for him...That is good but it has its disadvantages, your childs immune system will not be strong enough to stand against the weakest of bacterias...Hence a lot of kids have all these allergies. Cleaning the house and making sure its safe and spotless for ur babies health is good but a little dirt here and there never does anyone no harm
But in creche they definately to not disinfect any surface... He'll get used to it and come around

Toxic
22 Apr 2008 03:05

mseu, google him!

Renegade
22 Apr 2008 03:18

@mseu, hai, the things that these children do at school these days...present on L'vovo?!...but ya, jst google him

Preshiii
22 Apr 2008 03:19

KFab, I dont have a little one & dont know how this feels like from a mother's point of view. However, it does seem like his creche area has a high flu viral load, and he's easily prone to it. I wouldn't risk his health for his happiness. 

My advise: 2 - 3 months away from creche for his little body to heal will not kill him.
After full recovery (vaccinations etc), take him to a different creche'.
Not sure bout the gotiisa issues.

Nonny
22 Apr 2008 03:23

Well said Fluffy Head!!!

Nonny
22 Apr 2008 03:25

"@mseu, hai, the things that these children do at school these days...present on L'vovo?!...but ya, jst google him"
@ Renegade, nami I am still stunned about this presentation, but ke I suppose google will help!!!

Nonny
22 Apr 2008 03:29

I mean really a presentation of Lvovo.........*sorry Kele to be off-topic but this presentation is on my mind......LOL*

belz
22 Apr 2008 03:36

Hawu Mseu, L'vovo, what subject is that?? LOL!

Nonny
22 Apr 2008 03:40

"Hawu Mseu, L'vovo, what subject is that?? LOL!"
@ Belz, I have a funny feeling it's LO (Life Orientation) apparently with that subject anything goes, coz I know for a fact it can't be history, coz L'vovo is certainly not legendary material..........LOL

Segololo
22 Apr 2008 03:43

Kfab: siriusly, I am in the same situation as you. My boy started in Feb and we go to the dr every 2 weks with exactly the same symptoms your baby has. my dear dr said to me it takes about 6 months for them to "settle" therefore no illnesses after the first 6 months at crecre.

I considered taking him out and dr said to me "When he goes back when you eventually do decide to let him, you will go through the same thing.And even if he starts school without creche he will get the same things" I thought about it, asked my friend solele and my cousins because their kids seem fine and are older and they gave me even more gory stories. Solele's son even got meningitis. She stuck to the creche thingy and in time both her children stopped getting all these things. so I left my boy there and I look at the benefits of the experience for him and me.

I experience all this things now which is better than later when his immune system simply doesn't know how to deal with it all. 

He gets the benefit of learning, interaction and in a warped way - a strong immune system.

My grandfather did that tiisa thing but all I can say is - I pray and hope he lives to be old and grey like my great-grandmother!

Stunned
22 Apr 2008 04:03

Tough 1 Fab... bt this time it all depends on what u believe in... while u still in the process of deciding just pray n pray even more.

KeleFabulous
22 Apr 2008 04:11

He gets the benefit of learning, interaction and in a warped way - a strong immune system.

So everyone who's been thru the same thing keeps saying Sego. Must say, i feel alot better about the whole thing now. He'll stay at home until he's fully recovered butl then, he's going back. Damn but it's hard! And I'd rather him finish off the whole "initiation" process, as he's already almost 2 months into it, than to have him start all over again when he's older. i hear even kids as old as 4 go thru the same thing!

Cnglemother
23 Apr 2008 01:01

Oh Punkunuza kamama,how i can i miss babytalk.  Kfab eish welcome to da club like Segolisto said, Mina i say take him out if you have an alternative, these non-stop trips to the doctors office are really damaging to one's pocket and the amount of antibiotics that are pumped into your little oke's system are just too much. Chreches can put you into depression mode i know, if you have a family member who's willing to look after him pls take advantage coz nannies have their own drama. Yes he is interacting with other kids blah-blah but his health is more important besides the little oke is not even two years old for all that "mind-stimulation hype" he will be missing should he go out of the chreche. Since i took mine out of chreche there is a huge difference and he aint going back until he's four years old.


The muti route does not help at all with the chest infections & winter cold illness trust me (been there - done that), my son was already using muti at 3 weeks, i ran out & left him with the sangoma & my mother, i could not sit and watch what they were doing to him but i could hear his screams from the gate.And the way that sangoma gogo was holding him & poking him in his little mouth was too traumatic. Only antibiotics & nebulizers kick that sh*t out of the system. Do what you think its best girl but for me the longer he stayed at the chreche the worse it got and this was not a Naija chreche yase Yeoville.


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