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Pastor or Politician!

Written by Shuga babe from the blog Suger B on 14 Oct 2008
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Pastors are like Politicians

I attended a Wedding last Saturday, instead of Pastor focusing on the Couple who were getting married. NOOOOOO he was busy inviting us in to his church telling us how good kind of pastor he is. He was like a politician turning a birthday party to a political meeting. i'm not sure if we were supposed to give collection, it was the wedding!!!!!!!

During wedding he asked if we liked his ministry, if yes we must come to the front so he can welcome us in his church. He wants to end this year with at least 1200 members in his church. The name of the church is Green Light, was the first time I hear about that name and the church. He asked all the gentlemen to give a collection from R20 upwards and the ladies from R10 upwards. He place a chair where everybody could see how much we give, shame the guy from the Grooms side didn’t have money on him he place the bank card on the chair and the note saying he’ll give R50 later.

After the church when we were standing out side waiting for the couple’s cars to lead the way to Botanic Garden, for photo shoot. There comes this Guy straight to my car and asked if we would love to visit his church, my friend asked him what’s the name of his church he said “Ibandla lika Nkulunkulu” (God’s church). We asked why is he inviting us there, he said because he just formed the church few months ago and looking to save youth from making so many sins like he did few years ago. We told him we have a church. Haybo these guys are like Politicians now, they want people to leave their churches and join them.

Sometimes I just go to Pastor Mthunzi Namba’s church in Greyville, its so welcoming you could tell it’s a hotel or something, there are friendly people at the parking who help with the parking and beautiful and I mean very Sexy ladies at the door who meet sit people down, I always forget the name of the church.

On etv every Sunday 7:30am I watch Pastor Chris healing people unbelievable!! After the program he always invites viewers to write, phone or fax and tell him what had happen to them after watching the program. Ayi I don’t know.


I’m not saying there shouldn’t be many churches or new churches. I’m just concern about Pastors. How can a 22 year old gentlemen or a lady lead a church with 5000 members.

How did they become pastors, is it the calling or training?





133 Comments

carino
14 Oct 2008 07:47

Shuga babe
14 Oct 2008 07:50

Which church do you guys go to? how are your Pastors? 

Just fetching the child from school will be back now!!!!!!!!!!

Toxic
14 Oct 2008 08:01

Sometimes I just go to Pastor Mthunzi Namba’s church in Greyville, its so welcoming you could tell it’s a hotel or something, there are friendly people at the parking who help with the parking and beautiful and I mean very Sexy ladies at the door who meet sit people down, I always forget the name of the church

sounds like u're 'advertising-politicising' your church.

Cande
14 Oct 2008 08:03

Carino stop stalking us tuu

Kakapana
14 Oct 2008 08:03

??????

Nonny
14 Oct 2008 08:06

Just fetching the child from school will be back now!!!!!!!!!!
Drive safely gal.

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 08:10

mna i love going to church maar if there are more than 2 Nigerians in the church i will becum very suspicious ,eventually i wud stop going to that church!

Toxic
14 Oct 2008 08:35

mna i love going to church maar if there are more than 2 Nigerians in the church i will becum very suspicious ,eventually i wud stop going to that church!

Y Farai???

BigMama
14 Oct 2008 08:39

To tell the truth, nowadays churchies are business. If you really want to start a business and succeed start a church. You are to give 10% of your salary as the pastor´s say and the Good book say in  the old testament. But the new testament says you must give what you have as long as it is from the inside of your heart.

shuga babe if you feel you need a quick buck just start a church and let your fellow worshipers read the old testament.

Pooky
14 Oct 2008 08:41

Haibo Farai why...

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 08:45

bEcoz i have a very close Nigerian friend who is a pastor maar the thing he does are bad,including hiding drugs in the church and stuff!...and he is the same person who tells me that they are all like that and the Nigerian Pastors are Greedy!!!!!

Shuga babe
14 Oct 2008 08:46

@Bigmama, u right gal Most of the Pators with new churches here in SA are the Foreigners, the cars they drive and the Houses they live in you could swear they are busibesspeople.

 Rachel on Rythm city, did happen to Mam Debora in real life. these crooks Pastors.

Dimago
14 Oct 2008 08:46

He was like a politician turning a birthday party to a political meeting. i'm not sure if we were supposed to give collection, it was the wedding!!!!!!!
@SB Was it a wedding or birthday party?

mna i love going to church maar if there are more than 2 Nigerians in the church i will becum very suspicious ,eventually i wud stop going to that church!
LMAO!!!

Shuga babe
14 Oct 2008 08:46

@Bigmama, u right gal Most of the Pators with new churches here in SA are the Foreigners, the cars they drive and the Houses they live in you could swear they are busibesspeople.

 Rachel on Rythm city, did happen to Mam Debora in real life. these crooks Pastors.

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 08:49

They are Greedy to Money,Greedy to women!Geedy to the world and greedy to themselves! ...as long as there is money it it for them they will even kiss your A$$,tell you all the best verses in the bible!then wen you relax they strike!

Nonny
14 Oct 2008 08:49

Ecoz i have a very close Nigerian friend who is a pastor maar the thing he does are bad,including hiding drugs in the church and stuff!...and he is the same person who tells me that they are all like that and the Nigerian Pastors are Greedy!!!!!
Just becoz ur friend does that it doesn't mean all of them do. Stop it with the stereotyping and ignorance.

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 08:52

and how come if the church is full of Nigerians only Nigerians have good posts there...you will even find a Nigerian who can noy even sing in the Church choir??????also find a Nigerian who knows nothing about music heading the church  music!!!its so very suspicious!

Nonny
14 Oct 2008 08:55

and how come if the church is full of Nigerians only Nigerians have good posts there...you will even find a Nigerian who can noy even sing in the Church choir??????also find a Nigerian who knows nothing about music heading the church music!!!its so very suspicious!
nc nc nc  @ Farai so grand grand u have given up on all nigerians?

carino
14 Oct 2008 08:58

OMG, Farai, what's your beef with Naijas???

Best-Achiever
14 Oct 2008 09:01

Shuga babe .. They ASK that you join their church, they DONT FORCE you to join their Church, Just like they ASK you to GIVE and not FORCE their hands in you wallet. so the choice is yours, they is actual nothing to cry about, you can choose not to go to their churchies and not to give.

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 09:05

Nonny...i was once invited to a church in Hilbrow where my cousin goes to church.......yhooooooo the music was sooooooo discorded !!!!and all the Posts where Nigerians.......fine, then  me being so gud in music i said i wud help ...i sang two songs,the whole church was amazed...they kept begging me to come back to church of which i did!!!!maar the next sunday i wasn't allowed to sing or play any instrument there!!!!they started asking me where i cum from blah,blah blah........then 3 pastors.......Nigerias stole the church money and oppened another church then letta moved to States.....i attended for 2months then i had enuf there was just too many storries! and the new pastors wud say lets forgive them God will deal with them!

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 09:05

Nonny...i was once invited to a church in Hilbrow where my cousin goes to church.......yhooooooo the music was sooooooo discorded !!!!and all the Posts where Nigerians.......fine, then  me being so gud in music i said i wud help ...i sang two songs,the whole church was amazed...they kept begging me to come back to church of which i did!!!!maar the next sunday i wasn't allowed to sing or play any instrument there!!!!they started asking me where i cum from blah,blah blah........then 3 pastors.......Nigerias stole the church money and oppened another church then letta moved to States.....i attended for 2months then i had enuf there was just too many storries! and the new pastors wud say lets forgive them God will deal with them!

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 09:09

Carino i dont have beef with Nijaz...my sister is married to one!!!!maar eish! they are All not good.!!!!the good ones are just prettending!!!!!!!once they get watever they want from you,to them just automatically becum Useless!

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 09:09

Carino i dont have beef with Nijaz...my sister is married to one!!!!maar eish! they are All not good.!!!!the good ones are just prettending!!!!!!!once they get watever they want from you,to them just automatically becum Useless!

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 09:09

Carino i dont have beef with Nijaz...my sister is married to one!!!!maar eish! they are All not good.!!!!the good ones are just prettending!!!!!!!once they get watever they want from you,to them just automatically becum Useless!

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 09:09

Carino i dont have beef with Nijaz...my sister is married to one!!!!maar eish! they are All not good.!!!!the good ones are just prettending!!!!!!!once they get watever they want from you,to them just automatically becum Useless!

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 09:10

Carino i dont have beef with Nijaz...my sister is married to one!!!!maar eish! they are All not good.!!!!the good ones are just prettending!!!!!!!once they get watever they want from you,to them just automatically becum Useless!

sponono
14 Oct 2008 09:12

the Mthunzi Namba church sounds like a great outing.great surrounding  with that July Race course vibe...and of course the skimply dressed ladies.....mmh  I'll check it out..LOL

there was another similar "charismatic" chruch at the Royal..so we used to be like" well mny churcfh is at the Royal Hotel..."  I never went once becase someone told me its the same naija's who are all over town..they just found a fancy place to get us hooked...neeways  I'm not a churchy churchy person  for these reasons...I belive GOd is in Me and I salute and talk to him anytime anywhwere

Toxic
14 Oct 2008 09:13

LMAO Farai!!!!!! Which church is that? I'm looking for a nigerian boyfriend!

Nonny
14 Oct 2008 09:15

Farai we get u, u don't have to keep repeating urself.

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 09:18

its called the WINNERS CHAPEL.......it even moved to Banana Land coz they were fighting there!!     Toxic.....Goog luck finding your Nigerian boyfrend maar you must hide all your passwords or change the everyday! and if you see any white substance...run,woman run to the nearest police station!

carino
14 Oct 2008 09:18

LOL @Toxic

Shuga babe
14 Oct 2008 09:19

@Sponono, ok thats why so many guys go there its because of those Ladies mmm bab' Mthunzi knows how to hook guys like u Sponny LOL!!!!!!!

BA,  I think they force us by telling us how much we must GIVE for collection. actually they ROBBING us.

BigMama
14 Oct 2008 09:20

@Best Achiever.................l really give up, can´t you just take anything lightly sometimes. just give a less serious comment. Peace maan.

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 09:22

Nonny is your boyfrend Nigerian? wats up with being sooo defensive? just asking!!!

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 09:22

Nonny is your boyfrend Nigerian? wats up with being sooo defensive? just asking!!!

Centrepiece
14 Oct 2008 09:23

LOL........@ Farai

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 09:25

Goog-Good   the-them,,,,,,,, eish English!

carino
14 Oct 2008 09:27

Farai, my lahv... please go easy on the reply button.

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 09:31

people are scared to speak their minds...Ag shame!!!!then wats the point of being a blogger?..................

Cande
14 Oct 2008 09:32

most of the things Farai is saying are sad but true, i am sorry but its NOt only Nigerians pastors..It happens in our own country with some of the biggest chuches..am scared to mention names for in case i get crucified. Its plain rip off what happens in those churches, the pastors get to stay in houses worth 9 million rand drive the most expensive cars..its terrible out there! I will choose to stick to my normal wesile,AME, Catholic & Anglicans because there you pay 1 fee for the whole year and you done.

Best-Achiever
14 Oct 2008 09:35

BA, I think they force us by telling us how much we must GIVE for collection. actually they ROBBING us.

@SB .... do they take it out of your wallet? if so then i'll agree with you that they indeed rob you until then i'll just say you choose to give. i believe that it is not everything that people tell you to do that you do, bt it is what you choose to do that you do.

l really give up, can´t you just take anything lightly sometimes. just give a less serious comment. Peace maan
@Bigmam ... you didnt say that this was for fun, i thought you wanted our honest opinion ... oh ok ..drop it  ... you didnt even write this article

Cande
14 Oct 2008 09:38

Deborah Fraser is a victim of the type of pastors mentioned here..

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 09:38

Ok fine lets cahnge everythi in this article!!!Im Bringing Fun
lets open a church!
Bishop-Shugga babes
Pastor
-TDC
Pastor-Toxic
Usher-Carino(pliz Show everyone where to seat!)
Usher-Sponza
Treasurer-Nonny(pliz dont buy D-H with our Offerings?)
Farai-new member with a lot of attitude!
The rest -Church members

we need a name for our church!

Best-Achiever
14 Oct 2008 09:38

people are scared to speak their minds...Ag shame!!!!then wats the point of being a blogger?..................
@ Farai ... you can say that again and some bloggers dont want us to speak our minds and i wonder why they ask our opinions.

lemme go, cheers gud peeps

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 09:41

Mna if i becum the pastor of yo church i wud......buy myself a Lamboghini!!!!then turn the church into a TV show!and make you guys celebs wudn't you like that?

Joe
14 Oct 2008 09:41

<<There comes this Guy straight to my car and asked if we would love to visit his church,...>> I guess i am the only blogger who does not have a car!

Farai<<mna i love going to church maar if there are more than 2 Nigerians in the church i will becum very suspicious ,eventually i wud stop going to that church!>>
I am very offended because I am a Nigerian, I have read all de tings you aree saying about us. You don Love us, you just want our moneey!  

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 09:42

oooooh i forgot to say all this with your Monies!

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 09:45

Joe Bwaaaaaaaaaaah wat money? see wat i mean!

Cande
14 Oct 2008 09:46

Ok fine lets cahnge everythi in this article!!!Im Bringing Fun
lets open a church!
Bishop-Shugga babes
Pastor-TDC
Pastor-Toxic
Usher-Carino(pliz Show everyone where to seat!)
Usher-Sponza
Treasurer-Nonny(pliz dont buy D-H with our Offerings?)
Farai-new member with a lot of attitude!
The rest -Church members

we need a name for our church!

can i be the lead singer in the church? the one who has an affair with the pastor?

Toxic
14 Oct 2008 09:47

hayi hayi hayi Farai...nna i don't want to be a pastor. I am here to get a boyfriend so i'm the church member in the front row, okay!

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 09:48

Joe my man.......for yo own information i aint a south african either maar im not happy withsome of yo peeps are doing to this beutiful country!!!!!   You should go and watch the movie Jerusalema!and if you are doing bad things you shud be very scared!

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 09:48

Joe my man.......for yo own information i aint a south african either maar im not happy withsome of yo peeps are doing to this beutiful country!!!!!   You should go and watch the movie Jerusalema!and if you are doing bad things you shud be very scared!

Sana Lwam
14 Oct 2008 09:51

triple LOL @ Joe

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 09:52

Ok toxic is that member who know everything about everyone! Cande you are even frends with the pastor's wife!Joe ...you are in the wrong church!here we do things the right way!

carino
14 Oct 2008 09:52

I suppose there are yes, some pastors that take a bit of an advantage on the black-marketness and taxfree business of church... but we cant necessarily say all Nigerians churches are corrupt. And also, at the end of the day, church is not about the pastor, and it is not about the place of worship... Worship in a 5 star hotel is not going to take you to heaven. And neither will judging the way offering is done at church. 
What will take you to heaven is your response to Jesus, and making him your Lord and Saviour. On that note, pray this prayer with me...

“Father, I know that I have broken your laws and my sins have separated me from you. I am truly sorry, and now I want to turn away from my past sinful life toward you. Please forgive me, and help me avoid sinning again. I believe that your son, Jesus Christ died for my sins, was resurrected from the dead, is alive, and hears my prayer. I invite Jesus to become the Lord of my life, to rule and reign in my heart from this day forward. Please send your Holy Spirit to help me obey You, and to do Your will for the rest of my life. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.”

Congratulations! you have been saved! Welcome to the family...

carino
14 Oct 2008 09:53

I suppose there are yes, some pastors that take a bit of an advantage on the black-marketness and taxfree business of church... but we cant necessarily say all Nigerians churches are corrupt. And also, at the end of the day, church is not about the pastor, and it is not about the place of worship... Worship in a 5 star hotel is not going to take you to heaven. And neither will judging the way offering is done at church. 
What will take you to heaven is your response to Jesus, and making him your Lord and Saviour. On that note, pray this prayer with me...

“Father, I know that I have broken your laws and my sins have separated me from you. I am truly sorry, and now I want to turn away from my past sinful life toward you. Please forgive me, and help me avoid sinning again. I believe that your son, Jesus Christ died for my sins, was resurrected from the dead, is alive, and hears my prayer. I invite Jesus to become the Lord of my life, to rule and reign in my heart from this day forward. Please send your Holy Spirit to help me obey You, and to do Your will for the rest of my life. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.”

Congratulations! you have been saved! Welcome to the family...

Cande
14 Oct 2008 09:53

Farai<<mna i love going to church maar if there are more than 2 Nigerians in the church i will becum very suspicious ,eventually i wud stop going to that church!>> I am very offended because I am a Nigerian, I have read all de tings you aree saying about us. You don Love us, you just want our moneey! 

This is rich, considering how MOST of your Naija brothers make money in SA.

Cande
14 Oct 2008 09:55

let me pray

“Father, I know that I have broken your laws and my sins have separated me from you. I am truly sorry, and now I want to turn away from my past sinful life toward you. Please forgive me, and help me avoid sinning again. I believe that your son, Jesus Christ died for my sins, was resurrected from the dead, is alive, and hears my prayer. I invite Jesus to become the Lord of my life, to rule and reign in my heart from this day forward. Please send your Holy Spirit to help me obey You, and to do Your will for the rest of my life. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.” 

Amen

Nonny
14 Oct 2008 09:55

Treasurer-Nonny(pliz dont buy D-H with our Offerings?) 
I like this church already!!!!! BTW thank GAAAD I wished u a happy bday on Friday coz izolo I completely 4got, so did u enjoy ur day Cande?

The rest -Church members 
LOL @ the rest!!!!

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 10:01

In an Enternet Cafe!

Dear lordo!(in a Nigerian Accent)
Pleaseo let these fools respondo to my 419no Emails!please lordo herup mewo!i need the moneyo!
Tank you wo father wo!
how can someone pray to steal from other human beings?

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 10:03

and if Joe becums the Pastor of this church!!!I AINT CUMING BACK NEXT WEEK!

Shuga babe
14 Oct 2008 10:03

@Farai, our church will be a no rule church, will allow gays to attend the church. and Carino must wear a bikini when welcoming and sitting people. so will get more men coming to our church. will make arrangement for Cande to attend Music school, just concern about the voice LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@Joe, its the first time i hear a Nagerian with no car!!!!!! are you sure., u don't haverr car?

Toxic
14 Oct 2008 10:03

Can we get with the programme? Usherette..stop praying and show people to their seats!

Toxic
14 Oct 2008 10:05

In an Enternet Cafe!

Dear lordo!(in a Nigerian Accent)
Pleaseo let these fools respondo to my 419no Emails!please lordo herup mewo!i need the moneyo!
Tank you wo father wo!
how can someone pray to steal from other human beings
?

kwa kwa kwa!!!

carino
14 Oct 2008 10:05

LOL @Farai

carino
14 Oct 2008 10:06

LOL @Farai

Cande
14 Oct 2008 10:08

thanx Nonny for asking..
I did nothing yesterday, its just messages from my friends & family that made it a very special day..

LOL @ Farai

Centrepiece
14 Oct 2008 10:08

Tl tl  tl tl tl tl Bwa bwa bwa wba haa aha ah ahah aha haaa kwakwa kwa kwa kwa .................... aha ha ha aha ........ huu huu ............... Farai you just finished me

Nonny
14 Oct 2008 10:10

@Farai, our church will be a no rule church, will allow gays to attend the church. and Carino must wear a bikini when welcoming and sitting people. so will get more men coming to our church. will make arrangement for Cande to attend Music school, just concern about the voice LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hhahahaha this will be a rockingchurch Shuga Babe, u have fantastic ideas, I appoint u as our Brand Manager. Lelisonto lizovuselela abahedeni I tell u.......LOL

Joe
14 Oct 2008 10:11

farai <<Joe ...you are in the wrong church!here we do things the right way!>> Well I was expecting an apology from you, now I know what type of a person you are! 

Maybe I should drop my Nigerian act, did you see my accent, it was convincing neh! LOL.................

Guyz zazini iinto zodlala and prayer is not one of them! I don't want a response to this, it is not open for discussion....umntu odlale ngomthandazo uyazazi, shim must apologise offline!

Nonny
14 Oct 2008 10:13

I did nothing yesterday, its just messages from my friends & family that made it a very special day..
@ Cande it's true that the simple gestures always mean allot to us.

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 10:13

The Service is about to Start!

A quick Notice since im a proffessional wen it cums to music i wud rather charge you guys lesser money to send Cand to a music school...i will becum her persnal trainer(i heard she has a guiter in her bedroom).......so that i can buy that Antonio Banderas Suit(R24 000) anmd also i wud buy my Antonio Banderas Perfume Im sure Lord doesn't like Smelly people!

Cande
14 Oct 2008 10:14

i am singing in my best sis Ribs voice

Halleluja, O LOrd i thank you Lord
Halleluja, O LOrd i thank you Lord
Halleluja, O LOrd i thank you Lord
For the days of my live

For the days of my live, O LOrd i thank you Lord
For the days of my live, O LOrd i thank you Lord
For the days of my live, O LOrd i thank you Lord
FOR THE DAYS OF MY LIVE


Come on choir sing along

HAaaaaleeeeeluujaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Cande
14 Oct 2008 10:14

i am singing in my best sis Ribs voice

Halleluja, O LOrd i thank you Lord
Halleluja, O LOrd i thank you Lord
Halleluja, O LOrd i thank you Lord
For the days of my live

For the days of my live, O LOrd i thank you Lord
For the days of my live, O LOrd i thank you Lord
For the days of my live, O LOrd i thank you Lord
FOR THE DAYS OF MY LIVE


Come on choir sing along

HAaaaaleeeeeluujaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Nonny
14 Oct 2008 10:16

Guyz zazini iinto zodlala and prayer is not one of them! I don't want a response to this, it is not open for discussion....umntu odlale ngomthandazo uyazazi, shim must apologise offline!
@ Joe, it's a pity the person whom u intend this mesage to does not understand most of what u have said.

Cande
14 Oct 2008 10:16

live/life??? LOL

the Usherett will correct the lyrics..LOL

Cande
14 Oct 2008 10:17

live/life??? LOL

the Usherett will correct the lyrics..LOL

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 10:17

Joe...I dont know wat type of a Nigerian you are maar I like you and it must stay that way ! maar we shudn't contact each other offline...I DONT DO DRUGS sorry!

Cande
14 Oct 2008 10:17

Carino please correct my spelling

Is it LIVe/Life??

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 10:21

Joe&Nonny Farai can seak and read the following  Lingoz ....so i understood him!  Afrikaans,Zulu,Xhosa,Xulu,Setswana,Sotho so we even! I can even preach in those Languages! Psalms 3:15

Shuga babe
14 Oct 2008 10:22

@Cande My ears are so block right now , Farai we really need you. we going to pay whatever you want us to. Lol!!!!!!!!

Joe
14 Oct 2008 10:23

Farai <<and if Joe becums the Pastor of this church!!!I AINT CUMING BACK NEXT WEEK!>> thanks for leaving, I don't want anyone suspicious of me in my church so that I can steal the money freely, with no one doing follow ups on me!

Shuga <<its the first time i hear a Nagerian with no car!!!!!! are you sure., u don't haverr car?>> I meant as in a car I bought with my money, not church money!! LOL. 

To all of you: Post your bank cards and your pin numbers to me, I will pray for them, and your money in the bank will grow like its raining! You will be rich.
My Address: 22 Hillbrow Flats.....

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 10:26

Ha ha haha ha ha Joe you are the best!!!!is your number still 0827563751? will call you wen i get to Hillbrow!

Sana Lwam
14 Oct 2008 10:29

Joe what's up with u dude????

Nonny
14 Oct 2008 10:29

Joe&Nonny Farai can seak and read the following Lingoz ....so i understood him!
Whatever!!!!

carino
14 Oct 2008 10:30

Reply from: Toxic 10/14/2008 4:03:48 PM
Can we get with the programme? Usherette..stop praying and show people to their seats!
 

hahahaa.. i was still doing my bit of evangelising before church starts.

Okay, the programme, today we having a Holy Communion and joing us for ushering will be you, Toxic, in charge of the wine (yes, our church doesn use grapetiser, we use abo-Espirit and Brutal Fruit for communion), So, wena noBelz, at the back, guarding those bottles, and helping yourselves.

Nonny walks in with uSponono, somehow they come in together, on a Sunday morning, makes one wonder about the shenanigans of Saturday night. nc nc nc nc nc....they need to sit close to the door, they have special needs.. smoking area...
Cnglma comes in with her family, Deacon Madenza has uBoy, in his arm... wow....what a beauiful couple.

TDC rushes in, he's with Edgards... they wan be right in front, bona kahle kahle their mission is just one, to listen to cande sing, and of course the ciders... 

Soon as BrownShuga and mjj, step out of their c-class mercedes, Shugababes and a a bunch of groupies come running....screaming...BigMama tells me to close the door.... the groupies push the door open and thelekele.. into the church..Soon as Molibelis catches sight of this, she rushes straight to the ciders...swearing at the groupies... Lepogo was in the middle of his Offerings speech, with half the church half-asleep.... Cande stands in the middle of the stage and gives a loud *sigh!*
Nonny escapes right at that moment.. for he DH moment.. and behind her follows Pooky, whom, by the way, is wearing that dress kaKhanyisile Mbau, that was reported missing.






faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 10:30

Ooooo Lord if i forget Jerusalem will my hands forget its skills,will my tongue stick to the walls of my mouth!oooh Jerusalem if i forget you my Greates Joy!

Joe did you attend the T.D Jakes Megafest?   ....I was blessed there!

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 10:34

Mna i just came to the church to look for women.......even the married ones!so i will be sitting in the back FBIng sexy wives and chicks!....F,B,I(female body inspector)i say nothing but the truth!Amen!

Shuga babe
14 Oct 2008 10:34

"I DONT DO DRUGS sorry!" LIMAO!!!!!

Farai will do Drugs at our church, phela we want those Limboz remember. instead of Wine and Sacrament, will give drugs in exchange of money Nonny will be collecting money while I'm giving drugs. Farai and Toxic will be on stand by to beat up those who don't pay. Cande will be blocking ears of Church members by her Sis Ribbs Voice.

Joe
14 Oct 2008 10:34

Farai <<if Joe becums the Pastor of this church!!!I AINT CUMING BACK NEXT WEEK!>> Farai dont ever come back to my church, I dont like people who are suspicious of me, I want to steal the church money freely, without anyone doing follow ups on me. If you ever come to church again I will rape you and feed you drugs until u die from an overdose...trust me I am serious!

To all the bloggers, farai included: Send your bank cards together with your pin numbers to me, I will pray for them and you will become stinking rich baby!!
To those who are using internet banking, send me your account number and your pin, I will pray for your money, it will be blessed and it will grow like its raining! 
My address: Room 22, Hillbrow!

Shuga<<its the first time i hear a Nagerian with no car!!!!!! are you sure., u don't haverr car?>> I meant a car I bought with money I earned legally without deciet of any form!


PY
14 Oct 2008 10:39

Pastors are like Politicians...i've seen that in the funerals
 Which church do you guys go to?....
My church is Presbyterian church (iRhabe)I was babtysed when i was only 1 year old in this church, I grew up in this church, my mother is a full member of this church & my father (used to go to this church dont know what went wrong he keeps on saying he will go back to church one day) ,my great grand parents, my grand parents attended this church , my extended family also... we take this church as a family church... 
how are your Pastors?...
For temporaly our pastor is mlungu(white guy)...but sometimes we invite Black pastors...we are still looking for a pastor, the pastor that was considered to be taken impragnated a lady in his congregation so he was suspended....He was good at his job....when he wants the to raise money for the church (not for him)...he would say....all the people that were born in January to June (JJ)....Heres their bowl they should put their money in...and will do the same for the people who were born in July to December (JD)..so that at the end of the church he could copare which side had won the competition between the JJ's & JD's....the people liked him so much & his way of making money for the chuch
How did they become pastors, is it the calling or training?
 ...in our church they train(take a course) to become pastors...but in the other churches like ZION to be a pastor its a calling

PY
14 Oct 2008 10:39

Pastors are like Politicians...i've seen that in the funerals
 Which church do you guys go to?....
My church is Presbyterian church (iRhabe)I was babtysed when i was only 1 year old in this church, I grew up in this church, my mother is a full member of this church & my father (used to go to this church dont know what went wrong he keeps on saying he will go back to church one day) ,my great grand parents, my grand parents attended this church , my extended family also... we take this church as a family church... 
how are your Pastors?...
For temporaly our pastor is mlungu(white guy)...but sometimes we invite Black pastors...we are still looking for a pastor, the pastor that was considered to be taken impragnated a lady in his congregation so he was suspended....He was good at his job....when he wants the to raise money for the church (not for him)...he would say....all the people that were born in January to June (JJ)....Heres their bowl they should put their money in...and will do the same for the people who were born in July to December (JD)..so that at the end of the church he could copare which side had won the competition between the JJ's & JD's....the people liked him so much & his way of making money for the chuch
How did they become pastors, is it the calling or training?
 ...in our church they train(take a course) to become pastors...but in the other churches like ZION to be a pastor its a calling

PY
14 Oct 2008 10:39

Pastors are like Politicians...i've seen that in the funerals
 Which church do you guys go to?....
My church is Presbyterian church (iRhabe)I was babtysed when i was only 1 year old in this church, I grew up in this church, my mother is a full member of this church & my father (used to go to this church dont know what went wrong he keeps on saying he will go back to church one day) ,my great grand parents, my grand parents attended this church , my extended family also... we take this church as a family church... 
how are your Pastors?...
For temporaly our pastor is mlungu(white guy)...but sometimes we invite Black pastors...we are still looking for a pastor, the pastor that was considered to be taken impragnated a lady in his congregation so he was suspended....He was good at his job....when he wants the to raise money for the church (not for him)...he would say....all the people that were born in January to June (JJ)....Heres their bowl they should put their money in...and will do the same for the people who were born in July to December (JD)..so that at the end of the church he could copare which side had won the competition between the JJ's & JD's....the people liked him so much & his way of making money for the chuch
How did they become pastors, is it the calling or training?
 ...in our church they train(take a course) to become pastors...but in the other churches like ZION to be a pastor its a calling

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 10:39

Someone must plis ask Chomie to also cum to the church i heard she wants someone to give here a babby.....i will be her babyfatherlicious at any given time!!!!maar we have to Shag right?i dont want her to bring this artificial insemination S@#T

LM
14 Oct 2008 10:40

LMAO...

@Joe:To all of you: Post your bank cards and your pin numbers to me, I will pray for them, and your money in the bank will grow like its raining! You will be rich.
My Address: 22 Hillbrow Flats.....
CLASSIC! Farai, you hit it on the head, bro, it's true what you said!

Toxic
14 Oct 2008 10:40

Soon as BrownShuga and mjj, step out of their c-class mercedes, Shugababes and a a bunch of groupies come running....screaming...BigMama tells me to close the door.... the groupies push the door open and thelekele.. into the church..Soon as Molibelis catches sight of this, she rushes straight to the ciders...swearing at the groupies... Lepogo was in the middle of his Offerings speech, with half the church half-asleep.... Cande stands in the middle of the stage and gives a loud *sigh!*
Nonny escapes right at that moment.. for he DH moment.. and behind her follows Pooky, whom, by the way, is wearing that dress kaKhanyisile Mbau, that was reported missing. 

I AM SO LOLing at one part that i'm too scared to highlight!!!

I said i am in this church to ogle the men and walk home with a Nigerian man. Why am i sitting in the back with Belz? I love my alcohol but not more than a Nigerian man whose pockets are laden with lootings from the church...ching ching!

PY
14 Oct 2008 10:41

SO SORRY ABOUT THE REPEAT  DONT KNOW  WHAT HAPPENED....SOMETIMES TECHNOLOGY CAN BE CONFUSING

Toxic
14 Oct 2008 10:42

eish this church business is soooo disorganised!

Can someone start a new blog with the church shenanigans tuuuu. FArai?

Hlehle
14 Oct 2008 10:43

@ Nonny sendivuselelekile as in now. Praise the Lord. I cant believe that u all still crazy. Damn i missed u big time. 

@ Shuga Babe - i would say i'll follow Cande to the Music School but my voice is so unique so i'll be the lead singer in the choir.

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 10:43

Guys as much as we Joking ...Think you shud know this...I RESPECT GOD!!!!very much.....and to all those who have met me ...they know im a different person from how i blog here!....any way let me get down to business...i think Churches are just ...A company......Its All Business,and a very succesful one!maar it only operates only on Sundays!thats how i see most Churches!

Yeah Dont play with GOD wat matters is how faithful you are...and we just humans right?

carino
14 Oct 2008 10:45

WhiteSockGirl walks in, in her fabulousness... guess who she's with? Faraimagic.. the one and only...They are looking hottt.. bayababa... anyway, there's this paparazzi hiding behind the wall.. she's got shade on and a very funny afro hairstyle... her boobd are up in the air... who's that?? might be MEDIASL*T.... or something like that....anyway, 
kick-s walks in too... should sit her with the groupies or with the main characters? ...heei, i don know... while im still undecided, she demands to see Tashi & Luke...I ask SanaLwam to call Tashi for me... she comes with a bright smile and bare feet... kick-s asks to speak to her in private... i'm not sure what thats about...

In walks Kuli Roberts, with her chirldren that she singlemothers....she also starts screaming... "these fools... how do they think they can have a church these m&$5^*) fools?" I faint.... 

Pooky comes running with a KFC drumstick, i regain consciousness...just in time to spot Mathatagirl... in her regal beauty, is that a maltese puppy she has in her arm or a siamese cat??? wow.. some people, they live life. Make me wonders sometime how they just can walks inside the church.. our church..this can only one thing mean... offerings offering offering...  

And we have a guest artist joining cande on stage is.. the one and only.... Mzoxolo Rafani....the congragation starts creaming ...Mzo, Mzo, Mzo!, Mzo,Mzo, Mzo! Mzo!...

MZO FOR THE MONEY!

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 10:45

Cyber See you guys 2morow hey...G2G!

Joe
14 Oct 2008 10:45

I had to reload my prev. comment!
Farai...first of all I dont know what the T.D Jakes thingy is...secondly i did not go!
....<<we shudn't contact each other offline>> uyang'qeda manje wena phela!

Nonny
14 Oct 2008 10:48

?...For temporaly our pastor is mlungu(white guy)...but sometimes we invite Black pastors...we are still looking for a pastor, the pastor that was considered to be taken impragnated a lady in his congregation so he was suspended
WOW PY, ur church story is similar to my own. Nathi we have a temp white priest, poor man has already had 4 house breakings in a matter of a month. But he said he will stay till Decemer I was so shocked when he said: "Akapheli mandla coz he is serving the Lord" , the previous priest impregnated a youth member and was suspended. But we (church goers) are fighting to have him back on the basis that everyone is human and we all make mistakes.

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 10:49

What am i doing with WSG at church?????maybe i met her at the club last night neh?maar where was Carino wen all this Happened?Cande aint talking to me Lessons didnt go well...i forgot to bring something!

Toxic
14 Oct 2008 10:51

WhiteSockGirl walks in, in her fabulousness... guess who she's with? Faraimagic.. the one and only...They are looking hottt.. bayababa... anyway, there's this paparazzi hiding behind the wall.. she's got shade on and a very funny afro hairstyle... her boobd are up in the air... who's that?? might be MEDIASL*T.... or something like that....anyway,
kick-s walks in too... should sit her with the groupies or with the main characters? ...heei, i don know... while im still undecided, she demands to see Tashi & Luke...I ask SanaLwam to call Tashi for me... she comes with a bright smile and bare feet... kick-s asks to speak to her in private... i'm not sure what thats about...

In walks Kuli Roberts, with her chirldren that she singlemothers....she also starts screaming... "these fools... how do they think they can have a church these m&$5^*) fools?" I faint....

Pooky comes running with a KFC drumstick, i regain consciousness
...just in time to spot Mathatagirl... in her regal beauty, is that a maltese puppy she has in her arm or a siamese cat??? wow.. some people, they live life. Make me wonders sometime how they just can walks inside the church.. our church..this can only one thing mean... offerings offering offering... 

LMAO!!!!


And we have a guest artist joining cande on stage is.. the one and only.... Mzoxolo Rafani....the congragation starts creaming ...Mzo, Mzo, Mzo!, Mzo,Mzo, Mzo! Mzo!...

MZO FOR THE MONEY!

MNCIIIIIIIMMMMMM!!!!!

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 10:51

I Smell a Nigerian in this Church......let me look around!!!!!he he he he

mjj
14 Oct 2008 10:52

LOL @ Carino

WhiteSockGirl
14 Oct 2008 10:53

WhiteSockGirl walks in, in her fabulousness... guess who she's with? Faraimagic.. the one and only...They are looking hottt.. bayababa... anyway, there's this paparazzi hiding behind the wall.. she's got shade on and a very funny afro hairstyle... her boobd are up in the air... who's that?? might be MEDIASL*T.... or something like that....anyway, 

carino, thank you, at least you let me walk into the church with a man,... BA would have send me in drunk, with two bottles of wine....  eish, these TVSA peeps, I need a drink... and a man!  Is dit nagmaal?  Then there will be  wine..

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 10:54

Joe.....T.D Jakes is...how do i explain this to you?.?.?.?a Bishop,well Google T D Jakes and you will see wat he does....futhi why am i being nice to you????NIGGA We aint frends!

Toxic
14 Oct 2008 10:54

What am i doing with WSG at church?????

LOL!

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 10:55

I think WhitesoxGirl and Madomado are one and the 3person!

WhiteSockGirl
14 Oct 2008 10:56

What am i doing with WSG at church?????maybe i met her at the club last night neh?

fara, why so many questions?  wanna exchange me already?  saw a new what what version at this church already?  I am most probably under the influence, so I would make a scene... so be careful

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 10:56

meaning there is a Third party here!who is the 3rd one?

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 10:56

meaning there is a Third party here!who is the 3rd one?

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 10:56

meaning there is a Third party here!who is the 3rd one?

Shuga babe
14 Oct 2008 10:57

"MZO FOR THE MONEY!  MNCIIIIIIIMMMMMM!!!!!" LIMAO @Toxic bhuaaaaaaaaaaaa kwakwa!!!!!!

WhiteSockGirl
14 Oct 2008 10:57

Who is Madomado?

Toxic
14 Oct 2008 10:59

Farai, u're smoking my man. Madomado and WSG are not the THIRD person......fahb they may be, but different they are!

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 11:00

@WSG Babie you know there is no one above you!!!i said it the last time,that this is the last time!you know i try......you are my number1.......i promise i wont lie,i promise i wont cheat,i promise i will act right!.........In Jonh legend's voice!

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 11:03

Toxic i know wat you dont!beliv me???????someone here  is Madomado..and im convinced!i have all the evidence!

Pooky
14 Oct 2008 11:04

Soon as Molibelis catches sight of this, she rushes straight to the ciders...swearing at the groupies...

is this it Toxiki?? coz this the part that made me LOL the most

faraimagic
14 Oct 2008 11:06

Guys dont drink my Beers they are for business!.......

Joe
14 Oct 2008 11:12

nacholwaphi nanina??

mjj
14 Oct 2008 11:13

kulandawo wacholwa kuyo nawe. LOL......

WhiteSockGirl
14 Oct 2008 11:29

@WSG Babie you know there is no one above you!!!i said it the last time,that this is the last time!you know i try......you are my number1.......i promise i wont lie,i promise i wont cheat,i promise i will act right!.........In Jonh legend's voice!

Yeah,..  I believe you as much as I believe John Legend...  I am keeping my green eye on you!

WhiteSockGirl
14 Oct 2008 11:32

<<Farai, u're smoking my man. Madomado and WSG are not the THIRD person......fahb they may be, but different they are! >>>

<<Toxic i know wat you dont!beliv me???????someone here is Madomado..and im convinced!i have all the evidence!>>

Again, who is Madomado?  And why is my name being linked to that name?  Can someone clear this up for me?

DJ Why why
14 Oct 2008 11:43

Which church do you guys go to? how are your Pastors?

Mna I go to His People, I have been going there for just about 8 years, I am now going to a branch closer to my place. I must get used to other things...the church is smaller than the main one e N1 City.

Pastors are great, am always excited when the black pastor preaches because you can always expect the unexpected...from calling up his "sweetheart" to *cough* sing a song to telling true stories about his family...hialrious pastor I LUV HIM. I miss him more than the others now that i am at a smaller branch.

Fav part of the service was when black pastor used to ask the single gents/ladies to stand up so they cud be seen. dang! I miss that part it really hard to see them now....
 

Toxic
15 Oct 2008 02:46

Lepogo was in the middle of his Offerings speech, with half the church half-asleep.... Cande stands in the middle of the stage and gives a loud *sigh!* 

Pookinays...it's this part!!!!

Shuga babe
15 Oct 2008 02:54

>>>Pooky comes running with a KFC drumstick, i regain consciousness<<<<<
LIMAO bwabwabwa!!!!!!!!!

carino
15 Oct 2008 06:43

hehehehehhhh

Floh
25 Oct 2008 22:29

By Cande..........I will choose to stick to my normal wesile,AME, Catholic & Anglicans because there you pay 1 fee for the whole year and you done.Hhayi ke your church is very cheap is unlike i Central.     Siselapho kwiWesile.............ngiyaye ngivakashe eMethodist Central Jozi, there is that Mlungu, after collections he takes all the bank notes quickly and leave the coins kwezo collections bowls, grand grand why ? MJJ kewucacise bengithi wathi u cawa ECentral,


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