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How to impress drivers on the road

Written by Toxic from the blog On the Road...and then sum on 05 Jan 2009
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don't service your car so it breaks down in the middle of the road and you cause traffic.

when you see a broken-down vehicle on the side of the road, please slow down enough to take a close look at the driver and don't worry about the rest of us that have to slow down after you. Oh, if it's an accident scene, don't stop on the side of the road (yellow lane/emergency lane); just continue to drive extra slowly. We all love that.

drive like you're taking a scenic route in bumper-to-bumper traffic. it's not called rush hour traffic for a reason you know. Go ahead and become a 'free for all' driver: let everycar whose indicator light is on, through. Don't mind that we have somewhere to be and we're rushing to get there.

when someone scratches/bumps your car, don't try to park your cars on the side of the road, out of the highway. Exchange your details and wait for the tow-trucks to arrive in the middle of the highway.

use rush-hour to test your sound system and blast the latest CD you've just bought for everyone of us to hear. sure, we'll switch off our radios cause we have nothing else to listen to.

block our efforts to change lanes by accelerating when you see our indicator lights. otherwise "flash" us out of the fast lane, only to change lanes soon after we've given you way. Better yet, when you know your 'offramp' is on the left stick to the fast lane as long as possible and see by what margin you can avoid an accident by changing to the extreme left at the very last minute. We don't want to experience the whole 'be still my beating heart' thing.

This is for the Metro cops:

if a car/truck is stuck in the middle lane, please do not place those orange cones around the offending car and then stop your car behind them and then stand around and chat and do nothing about the situation. If you can't push the car off the road, then the orange cones and an instruction to the driver to put their "hazards" on will be sufficient.

This is for police vans transporting "iziboshwa":

If your court appearance is at 8.00, why the hell do you leave the police cells at 7.00 and irritate everyone else with the sounds of your sirens and force us out of the roads so we can make way for you? If you leave at 6.00am there will be very little traffic and you won't have to burst our ear-drums. As it is right now, i am no longer convinced you're transporting konvicts as i always see an ample-busted orange-top wearing woman in the front fo these vans.

62 Comments

Luksta
05 Jan 2009 16:34

Taxi drivers: Overtake me (without indicating) and then soon after stop to load/unload passengers! Ja, I was going to load the passengers so you had to beat me to it.

Toxic
05 Jan 2009 16:38

Ja, I was going to load the passengers so you had to beat me to it.

LOL Luksta!!

pinkdollar
05 Jan 2009 16:48

Nice article Tox....very funny response Luksta.Well..nna i dont have any road frustrations to vent cos...yes you guessed right...i dont drive cos i dont have the damn smallanyana card...mcnnmmm. its one of my New Year's resolutions AGAIN...has been for the last 4 years. Happy New year everyone.

more stories to share peeps???

Ntombi nto
05 Jan 2009 16:52

Aah, I miss the good ole M1. Shite, I miss SA guys.

heavenly
05 Jan 2009 16:56

Ja, I was going to load the passengers so you had to beat me to it...tl tl tl tl tl tl tl wuwie!

Toxic
05 Jan 2009 16:58

hee Ntombi nto, ingathi uyazi i live on the M1.......

belz
05 Jan 2009 16:58

when someone scratches/bumps your car, don't try to park your cars on the side of the road, out of the highway. Exchange your details and wait for the tow-trucks to arrive in the middle of the highway. >>>>> hahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

Im so guilty of forcing myself into lanes, its just that pple are inconsiderate maan kwitraffic, so i use my taxidriver skills to get where im going otherwise ngingabolela kwitraffic.

Toxic
05 Jan 2009 17:00

thanks pink

nice
05 Jan 2009 17:02

Go ahead and become a 'free for all' driver: let everycar whose indicator light is on, through.

That is me right there, because I always leave space for a car to fit in, in front of mine. Toxic I have been on the road for only six months and I dont trust myself to be able to break in time, so rather safe than sorry.

and yes I ignore the flashers, they can flash all they like if I am going to exit on the right I change lanes about 1km, so I wont have to battle my way to the right. so I let them flash till they decide to overtake on the left, oh when I loop around I go steadily at 40, cant do 60 like other drivers....................this irritates a lot of drivers but I am too scared to go quicker and besides the speed limit on this hair pin bend is 40 mos

belz
05 Jan 2009 17:04

ROFL!!! @ nice, God help me not drive behind you, i would get out of my car ndikumoer strong!!! 40 pho sana???

Luksta
05 Jan 2009 17:06

God help me not drive behind you, i would get out of my car ndikumoer strong!!!
tl tl tl

nice
05 Jan 2009 17:09

ewe belz, and it is people like you that makes me more nervous in rush hour and I end up stalling. I am getting better though lately so by Easter I should have some taxi drivers' skills.

Toxic
05 Jan 2009 17:10

That is me right there, because I always leave space for a car to fit in, in front of mine. Toxic I have been on the road for only six months and I dont trust myself to be able to break in time, so rather safe than sorry.

Hayi nice. Cars come fitted with that ABS thing. You must test it one of these days. Angisho at the testing ground, they tested u on the ability to emergency-brake? So, why aren't u practising on the road?

I go steadily at 40, cant do 60 like other drivers....................this irritates a lot of drivers but I am too scared to go quicker and besides the speed limit on this hair pin bend is 40 mos

GAAAAD!!!

God help me not drive behind you, i would get out of my car ndikumoer strong!!! 40 pho sana???

LMAO!!!!

Toxic
05 Jan 2009 17:12

I am getting better though lately so by Easter I should have some taxi drivers' skills.

taxi drivers hit that bend at 80k/h....not 40. Try Xmas as a target.

Luksta
05 Jan 2009 17:31

Pedestrians: After getting out of that taxi/bus run to its back and don't look to your left, just cross the road. The stupid cars should know that you are late/in a hurry, therefore they should look out for you and give way for you.

mjj
05 Jan 2009 17:38

Toxic you know i'm in love with you.....BUT did you have access to my life today????? Bandla 3 of these things happened to me this morning on my way to work (luckily i was in a good mood)....No offence but if you have a cheap small car and are driving on the fastlane at 80km/h.....please make way for a big car in the same lane traveling at 135km/h......Damn some people drive their own *bleep!*!!!!!!!!!!

Luksta please don;t talk about Pedestrians.....these days cars have to make way for them EVEN on the FREEWAY (M1 specifically)......why do people cross a freeway????? Let me go to the gym.....i'm to angry today.....

tha - bang
05 Jan 2009 17:51

LOL at mjj and Tox

Ntombi nto
05 Jan 2009 17:58

I remember starting out and struggling with that steep that soon separates the peeps going to town and those going further north.
Then I remember growing bored of nervous learner drivers who did the same thing:)
Then I got cocky and gradually became like every driver.

My fav was the guys who try to get your attention every morning when they drive past you, its a priceless start to the day!

Fluffy Head
05 Jan 2009 18:24

Eish bana driving is an experience...I thought driing in Jozi was an experience, wait till you go to my hometown...yhooooo - they've got their own attitude.

Rules of the road do not apply... Traffic lights are there fro decoration and unless there is a traffic officer at sight, it's a yielding sign...Bana... And since no one is rushing anywhere (the main street is 2k long) there is no need to speed. And yes pedestrians always have a right of way.

This lady from JHB nogal (she was driving a GP A class) stopped right in the midle of an intersection to answer her cellphone an iPhone...bana bamodimo and all the old people from my town with their old vans are just stopiing waiting for her. Nnna I had to get out of my car 6 cars behind to go tell her some of us actually do have somewhere to get to and her car is not that special...

Yhoo small town driving if you're from big city like JHB is a whole another experience...

Floh
05 Jan 2009 19:20

Nice article,

Something is wrong somewhere, it is already the 6th ........................Reply from: Fluffy Head 1/6/2009 12:24:21 AM , bathong its only 7PM

don't service your car so it breaks down in the middle of the road and you cause traffic. No.No.No.No.........i nearly bumped to the car that was broken in the middle of the road.........N12 next to EastGate under the brigde, its very dark there and you cant use bright.

I heard there is a company offering SMS alerts for Road Blocks at R50 p/m and the department is not happy at all because many drivers are cautious now. Its only available in KZN but soon will launch in CP and GP...........what a cool tool ( in my technicality)

Cnglemother
05 Jan 2009 19:53

Toxy come to claim/twist to noord or out of noord uzobona imihlola.fluff i know the joys of smalltowns and their double cabs.

mjj
05 Jan 2009 20:03

Cnglemother when i worked in Jozi i used to drive around Hillbrow....LAWD there are no traffic rules in that place.......All i know is that if you want to be a JOZI driver.....drive around Noord for 3 months and you'll be a perferct groomed taxi driver......LOL

Brown Shuga
05 Jan 2009 20:05

<<<No offence but if you have a cheap small car and are driving on the fastlane at 80km/h.....please make way for a big car in the same lane traveling at 135km/h>>> Tjo! Me and my "cheap" car are kinda offended????

mjj
05 Jan 2009 20:09

BS this was not for you and the funny thing is that the moron was driving the same car you drive but a different color.......I nearly drove into another car as a result of that stupid driver.......

Segololo
05 Jan 2009 20:28

love love love this!!! llet me go think and reply...

Beyonce
05 Jan 2009 20:54

Shame I also hate people who drive slow on the fast lane!! Yerr!! And it is usually those women with the type of cars Nonny was talking about on another article a while back.... shem they irritate the hell out of me.

Fluffy Head
05 Jan 2009 20:58

Yhooo Cnga atleat you know double cabs...Back in my town there are these vans - 15 people or so packed at the back no vedntilation what so ever and the canopy top is packed to the heap with gloceries..and they drive like 40 miles an hr

mjj
05 Jan 2009 21:21

Bee does this mean your laptop is sorted?

Beyonce
05 Jan 2009 21:37

@Mjj- No, not yet. Im using the house pc. I took it in this morning, hopefully I will get it back by Wed.
I'm praying that they dont charge me an arm and the leg :) Please pray with me

Lady D
05 Jan 2009 22:02

I am even scared to comment,phela nna i don't drive i fly.I flick lights for those sleeping on the fast lane,but if the one thing i'm not is reckless.People who drives below 100 irritate the hell out of me!Most women drivers steer my nerves like you wont imagine,especially white women who never concentrate when driving.People who applies brakes like they are going out of fashion makes me wanna get out my car and bliksem them!!!

I strongly wish there could be a route for trucks,buses,taxis and learner drivers

belz
05 Jan 2009 22:07

LOL!!!! Lady D, i feel you, i do!!! i know white women hey, busy applying make up in traffic and not paying attention, jeeer!! People msut learn that when you are on the road you DRIVE!!!

Lady D
05 Jan 2009 22:19

Nna when i'm on the road i excecise all my roadside rights like overtaking,flicking my lights,hooting

Those who've been offended by mjj's comment about small cars drivers,just hala at me and i will hook you up with them bigwheels,then you can give mjj a running for big machines,petrol went down,interest rates went down,you got absolutely no reason to not upgrade so lemme upgrade you

BS you know your new wheels are bigger than mjj's so chill....

Toxic
06 Jan 2009 07:45

People who applies brakes like they are going out of fashion makes me wanna get out my car and bliksem them!!!

LOLOLOLOL!!!!!!! Yes, i hate people that do this.

I strongly wish there could be a route for trucks,buses,taxis and learner drivers

Le nna shem!

GML
06 Jan 2009 13:15

Mina I drive on the N1 with no license at all. There cannot be a traffic offer who will want to stop me on the freeway? Never. I also live in an area where there are no traffic cops at all. I get off the high way and into my neighbourhood safely without fear. But Nice o worse. You're legal but still driving like a learner driver

Renegade
06 Jan 2009 13:29

Better yet, when you know your 'offramp' is on the left stick to the fast lane as long as possible and see by what margin you can avoid an accident by changing to the extreme left at the very last minute. We don't want to experience the whole 'be still my beating heart' thing.

I hate it when drivers want to squeeze in when they knew they where gonna need to be lin that lane anyway....geez.

As for taxi drivers, yesterday, I'm behind one, and the traffic light is closed, as soon as it opens, I see some passengers opening the door to get in! Jeer, and i couldn't change lanes coz i was turning, so i had to wait. And then wat happens, by the time he's done, the traffic light is orange, he gets through, and i cant....eish!

No offence but if you have a cheap small car and are driving on the fastlane at 80km/h.....please make way for a big car in the same lane traveling at 135km/h

Ok, I agree with Mjj, mara I would have put it more diplomatically. Thing is, people have this thing that if they are on a highway, and doing 120 on the fast lane, then they are not going to move for anyone else! That is crap! If i'm doing 140 coz i'm in a hurry to save my dying cousin, or anything else, it's my business, just stop hogging the freaking fast lane, they call it fast for a reason you know!
And it's not just the cheap cars(hehe), you can get ppl in jaguars cruising on the fast lane, and it's flipping irritating!

@LadyD, me and you are the same, I can't drive slow, it's just not on. The problem though is that it's landed me with 16 tickets totalling R7300, so if any of you know someone who knows someone...holla at a girl, i'm gonna be arrested one day.!
And Lol @ LadyD for businessing on mjj's comment.

Tox, really cool article!

Toxic
06 Jan 2009 13:35

Mina I drive on the N1 with no license at all. There cannot be a traffic offer who will want to stop me on the freeway? Never. I also live in an area where there are no traffic cops at all.

GML. I believe this. i used to live near cresta and for about 8 months i drove with an expired drivers licence cause there just weren't any traffic officers around! that is until they xeno-blast in windsor and road blocks were set up on beyers naude :(

Toxic
06 Jan 2009 13:40

And then wat happens, by the time he's done, the traffic light is orange, he gets through, and i cant....eish!

LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!! If it was YOU holding THEM up, they've have sworn and hooted to no end!

Ok, I agree with Mjj, mara I would have put it more diplomatically.

LMAO!!!!!

The problem though is that it's landed me with 16 tickets totalling R7300, so if any of you know someone who knows someone...holla at a girl, i'm gonna be arrested one day.!

Wasn't there some amnesty thing going on where u could get your fines halved?

@LadyD, me and you are the same, I can't drive slow, it's just not on.

i hate driving so much i think i've tired of it. driving fast doesn't make a difference to me cause i live very far from jozi so in the end all it does is eat away at my petrol and the time i save in gettin home is really negligible. so i take my time cause eventually i'll get there!

And Lol @ LadyD for businessing on mjj's comment.

classic!!

Cande
06 Jan 2009 13:59

Nna shem, when i get a chance to drive i take my time on the road..There is no hurry in SA u know.
When you start hooting, i HOOT more than you did..esp taxi drivers it doesnt mean everyone drives like them and they were also like me 1 day.
I remember this 1 day in the morning, there is a rule that says "When turning right into the road u not travelling on you must wait for oncoming traffic" and this taxi driver was hooting wanting me to tsenelela the oncoming traffic..I just pulled my handbrake up and told him to either go on top or next to me but i will drive @ my own pace and he just found a little space for himself next to me..

damn, i hate hooters and im sure if i had to hear a emergency vehicle siren next to me i will cause an accident right there due to panicking

Renegade
06 Jan 2009 14:01

Wasn't there some amnesty thing going on where u could get your fines halved?
Yeah, I could paid half of those that were under amnesty, it's all i could afford, I still owe them a good few thousand!

andi01
06 Jan 2009 14:30

In die Kaap, the rules for the traffic lights (for taxi drivers are)

Green- Go
Orange- Go faster
Red- Dont even think about stopping, you can yield if you want, but stop (over my dead body).

GML
06 Jan 2009 14:31

Yes Toxic. i live on the other side of Beyers Naude ( Weltevreden Park). I get away with it. There has never been a road block. And all road blocks happen after jim Fouche (on route to Honeydew) and thats where I turn on Jim Fouche.

The life im living is good

Renegade
06 Jan 2009 14:38

Eish, speaking of that Jim Fouche, that's where i got my last ticket, I don't even know what it's for! MXXXM!

Shadow
06 Jan 2009 14:39

Lol @Andi01

Shuga babe
06 Jan 2009 14:54

"Nna shem, when i get a chance to drive i take my time on the road..There is no hurry in SA u know. "
LMAO! kwakwakwa....kwa,...kwakwakwa!!!!!!!

People please STOP parking your silly cars on a Disabled Parking!!!

TheLady
06 Jan 2009 15:06

I read a sign "Stupidity is NOT a disability"

Renegade
06 Jan 2009 15:07

People please STOP parking your silly cars on a Disabled Parking!!!

Lol, As we speak, I'm parked on the disabled bay. (it's got shade and we don't have a disabled employee in our building, so sue me)

Strolicious
06 Jan 2009 15:15

lol @ Rene.............

pameng2003
06 Jan 2009 15:15

Hawu sugar are u disabled or cross that sum1 beat u to the parking??

rene....wat if 1 day u become disabled.mmm..just a thought

TheLady
06 Jan 2009 15:15

When I went to KZN for the holidays, I tried the good-girl thing(stick to the speed limit, thought I'd save a couple of R100 notes, cops don't take anything less on the N3) it usually takes me less than 3 hours to get home-this time it was 3 and half hours. Hayi ngeke 120km/h is just waaaaaaaaay too slow and it only saved me less than a quarter petrol.

Shuga babe
06 Jan 2009 15:16

@Renegade, the Police are on a way to arrest u. lol

hihihi! I for one sometimes use a disabled toilet when I'm at work there's always a long que during lunch time, and we don't have a disabled person.

Shuga babe
06 Jan 2009 15:21

@pameng2003, no i'm NOT but I always see normal peeps using Disabled peeps parking. even at the beach front its so sad to see a disabled person walking a long distance just because the near by parking has been taken by normal person'e car.

Strolicious
06 Jan 2009 15:26

hey TL....how was home...khanda phezulu,khanda phansi,vuma vuma vuma....eish i miss home already....

TheLady
06 Jan 2009 15:33

aaaahhhh-wavele way'dedela Stroh.
It was good dear...I wanna go back, imonth-end ikude.

Renegade
06 Jan 2009 15:37

rene....wat if 1 day u become disabled.mmm..just a thought - Then i'll use that bay. All i'm saying is that right now I'm using the one at work, coz it's a first come first serve best spot. If someone were to come who's disabled, the obviously i wouldn't use it. Which is why in malls and stuff, i don't use it, coz i don't know when someone might need it.

Lunj
06 Jan 2009 18:10

I hate drivers who leave their children unbuckled in the car! Get a car seat, or make sure that your child is seated at the back and is buckled up. There is nothing more infuriating as a +/- 5 year old child who has their hands folded over the dashboard cos if you break hard - that chils is gonna fly out of the windscreen!!

Cande
06 Jan 2009 18:24

"Nna shem, when i get a chance to drive i take my time on the road..There is no hurry in SA u know. "
LMAO! kwakwakwa....kwa,...kwakwakwa!!!!!!!

hawu SB, wat r u lafin @?? akere i have drivers who chaffeur me around so when they not leave i have to drive myself..so i hardly get a chance to drive myself..LOL

Floh
06 Jan 2009 20:37

Be patient on our roads please, nobody owns it, its for all of us to drive legally. Above 120Km/h is illegal.

Lady D
06 Jan 2009 21:16

Floh there is a good reason why our cars have speed till 240 or 320,you need to just one day go crazy and test your cra,check out the perfomance,make sure gore ga ba go ropa at the dealership!!!

belz
06 Jan 2009 21:52

OMG!!! Lady D, please stop corrupting people!!!

belz
06 Jan 2009 21:54

OMG!!! Lady D, please stop corrupting people, i need to say a silent prayer for you.

Lady D
06 Jan 2009 22:00

Its gonna be a long prayer gal.LOL,mara vele,why have a speed limit of 120 where's your car e fella ka 340,phela you paid for the 340 speed,so just reach the damn speed.kwakwkakwkakwkaaaa

GoldenSta
07 Jan 2009 13:39

How about the people who slow down to 40, sway on the road or even straddle lanes on the freeway because they are talking on their cellphones? Even worse, reaching down to that KFC bucket.

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