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TheTVObserver: Marry or You'll Go To Hell.

Written by TheObserver from the blog TheTVObserver on 10 Feb 2009
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There I was, trying to figure what to do with my Sunday morning. After the week I had. I decided to just be a couch potato. An observant one, thou!

Then I realized how boring is Sunday morning TV. Now I see why people drink so much, especially on Sunday. Anyway…after that little couch observation. I decided to pop in some screeners and DVDs I get from Studios on upcoming movies and television shows, when suddenly, in between that, I caught a discussion on SABC1 (Yes, it was by mistake, its not my channel and I am not their demo).

The program is called “The Chatroom” hosted by Parson’s live-in girlfriend over at Isidingo. Do remember that I caught this a few minutes after it started but just in time to get the fun stuff. Someone should tell her to listen to her guests and stop interrupting them immediately after asking a question. It’s not polite. I’ve found the program to lacking in direction but another sensationalist show. There was a young girl whose issue was pretty simple. She did not want to get married.

Simple, right? Well not for Chatroom, they brought church folk and a local TV personality to argue if HER decision to not get married was MORAL, RIGHT, GOOD FOR SOCIETY, and to top it all a GOOD EXAMPLE for the nation. Which I really thought was a laughable waste.

Oh! What got them going as that she was had a child and she only wanted to raise her baby and live her own life. She admitted that she may consider getting married in the future, but not now.

The show had three couples, 1) is living together and they both don’t see the point of marriage and they are happy together. 2) got married because its what they wanted to do and they consider it a MORAL and HONEST thing to do., and 3)has been married for 100 years ( a long time), who both in ministry as Reverends.

To spice things up, they brought in traditionalist and a Pastor, who also practically supported the insinuations made by the married Reverends that, if you don’t marry you will go to hell.

The reason why I found this to be a laughable waste, was that divorce rates amongst Christian folks is high and the overall divorce rate for South Africa is growing like cows on growth hormones. Eventually bad things start to happen…bad milk, melons start to sag and they swing from left to right, they loose weight and you start to see their skeleton structure with the butt suspended in mid air, and eventually it boils down to a big old NASTY experience . I could make comparisons but…I don’t want to get letters/emails. Reading hundreds of emails from all my fans and readers is not as fun as I thought. But I love to receive them, keep’m coming.

Back to the topic, the poor girl just wanted to raise her child and exercise her choice as to when she would want to get married. The traditionalist mentioned the fact that this is happening because of our current society and its standards. In what he calls the “old days” things like these wouldn’t happen. Of course not, Mr. Traditionalist, all the men can have multiple wives and cheat to their dick’s content and the females would be expected to sit there and be good little wives who just breast feed, make hundreds of babies and clean the house, cook for men, and do all else. Meanwhile the wife is not expected to do the same. I wonder why?

The celebrity made solid points and I particularly liked when she made a point by reflecting her upbringing in that she saw that her parents worked very hard to keep their marriage on solid grounds for years. She continued to inform the girl that it has to be her choice, she has to do what she wants, so that when she decides to marry its for the RIGHT reasons and it is at the RIGHT time for her.

Of course the Pastors were not happy, since we all are in an express lane to hell since we think marriage should be treated with respect and not rushed into. The issue was compounded by the sheer fact that she had a child out of wedlock because she does not want to get married. Seeing as she is going to hell and all. The comments from the traditionalist and the church folk and them using G-d to support their brain washing tactics was appalling to watch, let alone listen to them.

We have one of the highest rates of single parent households in the world, followed very closely by child headed homes. It has become a norm mostly amongst black folks that when you get married chances are, you are going to find her or him with a child. Often this brings with it complications, which I am not going go into. But the problem is that men start to go after very young kids to find the fresh fish (women without children), they marry them and later divorce. She is then left with a child or children. The cycle continues.

One of the points made by the TV personality is that people rush to get married and they then infect their wives or husbands with all sorts of diseases in the sanctuary of marriage. She said church and society should back off as it were, to allow young people to find what works for them because marriage is no longer like before. She made it a point to stress it to the young lady, the subject of the show, to find her self and what works for her. Of course the wife of the 100 year married couple decided to hit back at the celebrity by telling the young girl that she should get married or else she will go to hell, pretty much.

I do agree with the TV personality because the minute you announce your engagement, people start hitting on you like flies. When you get married every women or men will practically find you attractive. We also have the highest rate of cheating husbands. I hate it when certain cultures take the newly wed “wife” for a special marriage counseling session and they don’t tell her about marriage but about the fact that he, the husband, is going to cheat. You should just be a good wife and stand by your man and don’t ask him where he has been and why he is late. F@#$ that, I would stand by him after chopping his balls off. At least I would know what I am standing by, because I don’t think women find it fun being married to PIPI for HIRE!

Around 230,000 South Africans get married every year. 16% are below the age of 25 and 8% are older than 50. (AMPS 2005RA)

Nearly 80% of South African women between the ages of 20 and 50 are mothers corresponding to 8.5 million women. (Census 2001)

One third of mothers under the age of 50 have one child. Some 20% have four or more children. (Census 2001)

Some three million mothers (a little more than a third) are not economically active while a further 2.6 million are unemployed according to the official definition. (Census 2001)

41% of those who read Hustler are married. (AMPS 2005RA)

67% of all white people aged 25 - 34 are married or living together. The corresponding proportion of black people is 31%. (AMPS 2005RA)

55% of South Africans aged 25 or more are married or living together, 4% are divorced or separated and 10% are widowed (AMPS 2005RA)

People from Cape Town are the biggest fans of romance movies on TV. 45% say it is their favourite genre, compared with 37% in Johannesburg and a very unromantic 28% in Pretoria. (PeoplePanel 2003)
Information by Eighty20

Do you think the CHURCH or CHURCH FOLK should decide for you when you should get married?

By TheTVObserver
International Blog: http://www.thetvobserver.blogspot.com/
© 2009. TheTVObserver. All Rights Reserved. Pictures used on TheTVObserver graphics are the property of their respective owners. All rights reserved.

Read more entries visit http://www.thetvobserver.blogspot.com/

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55 Comments

let baby
10 Feb 2009 08:08

HEELLL NO i believe u should get married wen u fell u r ready mentally, emotionally. from wat i gathered marriage its not easy it needs hard work. wats the use of getting married then divorce the next day ??? i hate wat the elders do they promote men to cheat nd the bible only allows u to divorce wen ur wife or husby ha cheated on u... so it contradict the so called culture...

Cande
10 Feb 2009 08:20

Im sorry i do not want to get married but i want to have 2 kids.

The pastor's need to be practical in these, like Dineo said u need to speak to your God and explain the situation to him and he will forgive because he is a forgiving God.
I think marriage used to work during our grandfather's time NOT now NOT even our mother's time.
They did mention that the every 2 from 3 marriages end up in divorce even for born again christians, so why waste my time & money??

People are getting married for all the wrong reasons e.g pressures by religion, family of friends.
At this point in my life i do not want to see myself lying to anyone and saying i will love you and stick by you till death do us apart.

belz
10 Feb 2009 08:30

I personally do not want to get married, i dont know what the point is, i respect people who are married, but its just not in my list of priorities.

I could not understand why we were even listening to people going on in that show, there is nothing wrong with that gal wanting to have children and not marry, and church must stay away from it, they are not God and are not in a position to be telling people what to do.

I agree Cande, it was called marriage when our forefathers existed, for some now its just an arrangement where peopl know that in 2 or 3 years im coming out of this a millionaire, bull!!!

At this point in my life i do not want to see myself lying to anyone and saying i will love you and stick by you till death do us apart.>>>LOL!!!

Dineo's hair *sigh*

Onna
10 Feb 2009 08:32

Good morning bloggers.I am married ,happilly so I might add but I dont beleave people should be forced by the church to marry.
When I got a child out of wedlock, my church stopped serving me communion, I was to go infront of the whole church and Thethelelwa(repent) first. That only applies to girls thou I never saw any boys going just because they were not the ones left with evidence of sex before marriege.So I told my ma I was never going to go for that either seeing as it was the two of us who made the baby and not just me who had "sinned"For ten years thereafter I never received communion.
So in a way the church forces people to get married. Some of them will tell you a couple can not spend anytime together alone before marriege and when you get into that relationship ti has to be for keeps. It is discouraged to just jola without wanting to commit to that person.
The sad thing is it has not done anything to help with the divorce rate, in some instances it even contributes to the divoce rate seeing as these most of people only get married so they can be able to spend time together without being monitered.

ms.tebby
10 Feb 2009 08:34

I believe marriage can still work if you get into it for all the right reasons & you are both mature to handle the challenges that come along with it, deligently & wisely.

realist
10 Feb 2009 08:40

Marriage is a contract whether you like it or not. So if you want to get married you must sign a contract and if want to stay together without a contract it is called love.
You choose which one you want.

Onna
10 Feb 2009 08:40

I have a friend who is now two years divorced and the other one was telling me yesterday her marriege is headed that way and we r not even thirty five yet. Sad thing is they are now left with children all because the men cant keep their dicks in their pants or who cant commit to till death do they part.

Onna
10 Feb 2009 08:44

No Realist I beleave marriege is a contract between two poeple who are in love not that you have to choose one or the other

Cande
10 Feb 2009 08:44

belz
10 Feb 2009 08:44

OMW!!! Onna. what churhc is that?? that is called judging you!!! the bible says Do not judge, bacingabangobani bona to ncisha you icommunion like that.

Best-Achiever
10 Feb 2009 08:46

when suddenly, in between that, I caught a discussion on SABC1 (Yes, it was by mistake, its not my channel and I am not their demo).

Ouch that hurts…considering the excitement I heard on my sister’s voice when she told me that she went to early morning church service so that she can catch the show, and the fact that if I wasn’t busy I would have done the same thing…LOL

I didn’t get the chance to watch the show myself but well between me and my sister’s narrative skills, it felt like I watched the show(she is the best story teller with the bit of spice here and there)….LOL so I’ll just comment on what I know.

Well when we look at the marriage from the church side, we all know that the first thing that you’ll be referred to will be the Bible, because that’s what the church is supposed to follow and operate according to what is written there. And if we are looking it from the Bible side, you are expected not to have a child before marriage; you are not even considered to be having sex. As much as times has changed but the Bible hasn’t changed and that’s one of the reasons you’ll find church saying what they are saying, which our society might consider ignorant.

When we look from tradition side … tradition and church only differ in their beliefs, church follows the Bible and traditions follows the ancestors. The tradition also says that a woman must be lobolad and introduced to the man’s ancestors’ before having children of that man. Children are not supposed to use their father’s surname if parents are not traditionally married, those children are considered to be woman’s children not man’s, so if my mother is not married to my father, im supposed to use my mother’s surname (because I’m not known by my father’s ancestors), so are my children and grandchildren …and that is too much.

The times we are living in are have changed but it is also a fact that the Bible and tradition haven’t changes hence all this confusion on beliefs. I don’t encourage anyone to judge the next person, but they will always be confusions (which might be considered as judgment) when beliefs are not the same and clashing. So my take is, one should do what give them satisfaction and the end of the day and doesn’t clash with their beliefs.

mjj
10 Feb 2009 08:58

Nna i was forced by Cande to watch....GOD knows why she wanted me to watch this boring show......Mina i'm sick and tired of people asking me when am i planning to get married.......My mother hasn't asked me that question, why would these morons be so eager for me to get married......

Back to the show....what was Dineo's role in the show? Was she an expert for single people?

Obserer is correct, this was a simple case of a person that decided not to get married....why vele did they create a storm about that?

I decided to pop in some screeners and DVDs I get from Studios on upcoming movies and television shows - Observer, i love free things but this one i'm prepared to pay for it....Could you please hook me up with some of these DVDs.....they will come handy in this weekend....

Best-Achiever
10 Feb 2009 09:05

Dineo said u need to speak to your God and explain the situation to him and he will forgive because he is a forgiving God.

I agree Cande..but the very same Bible is also against commiting sin with full knowledge that what you are doing is sin.

When I got a child out of wedlock, my church stopped serving me communion, I was to go infront of the whole church and Thethelelwa(repent) first.

I know what you are talking about Onna, i have a handful friends who are going through the same thing right now.

Some of them will tell you a couple can not spend anytime together alone before marriege and when you get into that relationship ti has to be for keeps.
They say that is you are to see each other, they must be an elder in your presents, you are not allowed to hold hands, visit one onether .... hence what we saw at one wedding where the groom couldnt close his mouth when eating.....you could see all the red, yellow green salad doing twalatsa and the bride was so embarrassed.

blueroze
10 Feb 2009 09:11

I do not think it is wise for the pastor to decide whether or not i should marry.
at the end of the day it will be me and my man in the house, pastor in i=his own house elsewhere.

it should be a decision taken by both people in a relationship and no one convincing the other, but both seeing that it is a right thing to do for them.

getting married in a black cultures' perspective is more like forming a bond with the family (hence you marry the family as well) i believe it is for these reason that in our culture marriage is a complex issue.

i will marry when i'm emotionally ready to be tied to his family and their way of doing things, cause whether i like it or not i have to.

no one has a right to tell the other to get married. I was raised by parents who believed that i have to getmarried the minute i miss my period, but i made them understand my point that i was not ready to get married at that time, and they understood.

not getting married does not mean that you dont love your partner or that you are not commited to him, it simply mean that you are in a phase in life where you are not ready. so why get married and incerase the divorce stats?
i think we must think further and be realistic about the whole situation.

i am very close to about 3 couples who are married and are not happy with their decission and 1 couple who are still crazy about each other after marriage, to me this means that before i marry i should take into consideration all the factors that affect me and my partner and do it for all the right reasons without anyone convincing me.

times have changed, and we are living in the era where we should respect each others decision to marry or not to marry..

blueroze
10 Feb 2009 09:27

When I got a child out of wedlock, my church stopped serving me communion, I was to go infront of the whole church and Thethelelwa(repent) first.

I know what you are talking about Onna, i have a handful friends who are going through the same thing right now.

This used to happen at my church but the pastor stopped after one person told the pastor that he has no right to judge because pregnant ladies are put to shame but those who are using condoms, who have aborte and the guys are never put to shame.

Brown Shuga
10 Feb 2009 09:36

<<<<Dineo said u need to speak to your God and explain the situation to him and he will forgive because he is a forgiving God. <<<
I agree Cande..but the very same Bible is also against commiting sin with full knowledge that what you are doing is sin. >>>>
Exactly BA, that's why I had a problem with what Dineo was saying. I also believe it's a personal choice that doesn't even warrant a TV debate but the way she put it across was off-key... especially the part about telling God that you are going to have a child out of wedlock so he must please forgive you? It just sounded wrong.

Cande
10 Feb 2009 11:00

BS are you buning work again?

Dimago
10 Feb 2009 11:06

especially the part about telling God that you are going to have a child out of wedlock so he must please forgive you? It just sounded wrong.
People twist the bible to suit them. But God is not mocked, what a man sows, he will reap.

Cande
10 Feb 2009 11:18

buning==bunking

sjura
10 Feb 2009 11:20

i soo wanted to watch this but i had to go 2 church...sounds interesting shame...

Cody
10 Feb 2009 11:34

Dineo was raising some valid points but lost it when she came to telling God that you are going to have a child out of wedlock wara wara.

i was so LMAOed at the way that girl was adamant that she doesnt want to get married, "hai andifuni ukutshata mna, en ezobe ekaqali ngam' lento yokuba nomtana ndingatshatanga" (sp) lol she is made the faces, that girl is very young shem to take such a drastic decision about not having a husband, anyway i hope she will cope, it is not easy raising a child alone, but possible.

Cody
10 Feb 2009 11:37

meant she even made the faces like a child.

TheLady
10 Feb 2009 11:38

"hence what we saw at one wedding where the groom couldnt close his mouth when eating.....you could see all the red, yellow green salad doing twalatsa and the bride was so embarrassed."hahahahaha

OMG-what would I do nje?

Back to the topic-I don't understand having to ask for forgiveness before sinning-but am also planning to have a baby out of wedlock, it ain't my fault that obrothers aren't proposing and delaying my dream. IF he hlawulas the kid the kid will have his surname.

Best-Achiever
10 Feb 2009 11:47

it ain't my fault that obrothers aren't proposing and delaying my dream. IF he hlawulas the kid the kid will have his surname.

LOL @ TheLady .... by tradition...inhlawulo is for cleansing the family from ihlazo the guy has caused to that family not for the baby ...he must lobola the baby with half-lobola for the baby to use his surname.

But nowadays ... you are considered lucky is you have been hlawulwa'd

Cody
10 Feb 2009 11:58

Triple lol TheLady,do you think ubrothers will agree to hlauwa the child? you would have asked him for the child mos? or exactly how are you gonna do it TheLady? wait for him to slip up & forget the condom? lol

myname
10 Feb 2009 11:58

When I got a child out of wedlock, my church stopped serving me communion, I was to go infront of the whole church and Thethelelwa(repent) first.....Iyhooo Onna that what happened to me. It was also embarrased but that day we were about 5 so the pastor didnt have one-on-one. He just ask us to come infront & pray 4 us. After the service i told my mama that i dont blame girls who does abortion 2 that church. Imagine now uJohn, Tom, Dick noMary knows that i made a sin by becoming pregnant without wedlocks (its not that i wanted to keep it as a secret but it was unfair). Mna ke sana ndahlala the whole year moaning. I was not allowed to wear isambatho (church uniform). I still remember i didnt want 2 go 2 church that year coz i was still thinking about that day....They nearly killed my self-esteem coz i thought i wasnt good enough as i failed to keep virginity till idliwe ziimbovane coz i aint going to marry any1 nma. I know i dissappointed my parents but it was not right. Just imagine nawe standing infront of the whole congregation & that church is damn big

KeleFabulous
10 Feb 2009 12:19

Love Dineo's hair. Her lips look scrumptuous too (i'm no lesbo ne)

i don't get why other people need to get involved in what others perceive to be good for them. if the woman wants to have a child without marriage then you can too have your potato without the skin hawu.
on the subject of marriage, all these yrs i've been a firm believer in it and it has always been my wish and desire to someday get married and make a success of it. but of late i find the prospect of just being a single mom all my life more appealing than being married. it's sad but i find more and more men are untrustworthy and i myself am losing faith in the sanctity of marriage. i have often wondered what would drive a woman to cheat like a man (well, not exactly like them cos they are experts and have been doing this since the beginning of time)...i'm going off topic now eish.
i'm basically trying to say marriage doesn't seem to be in the cards for me also for a variety of reasons and if that's how i choose it then no one has a right to judge me and tell me i'm going to hell. bona don't they think they're also going to hell for casting stones? even in the "olden" days it still wasn't so perfect and ideal. there are times when i feel me and my siblings would've been better off with my parents apart so each individual must just do what they feel is right for them

Shirmell
10 Feb 2009 12:40

I'm a mega fan of marriage, I'm 10 years happily married and too many people around me are getting divorced sometimes for very silly reasons. I do believe that marriage is under attack in society and that is why if you do decide to get married, don't even think about divorce, its supposed to be sacred, a reflection of Christ's love for the church, that is what marriage is supposed to portray to the world, sadly it is not so and some churches make it difficult with the drastic steps they take against "sinners".

As for deciding to have a child out of wedlock, is that really wise? I mean there are so many dysfunctional families out there, mothers playing daddy and mummy, boys becoming like girls, dyeing their hair, wearing ear-rings, etc. is it any wonder that things have gone hectically wrong in our society?

The problem is that we have moved too far away from God's standards as set out in the bible and now we are living in a sick society wondering how did it all go wrong...

Please girls, don't intentionally sin, the other mishaps have been forgiven by God but don't purposely go against God's commands.

I also believe that every child deserves to grow up in a loving family environment with a mother and father who loves each other and them, its not only about our needs but the well being of our kids and the message we're sending out to them and that is what me and my hubby both want for our kids.

Look, marriage is not easy, its damn difficult because it should be nourished and nurtured so you can grow together but too much we rely on our own strength, when it should come from above. I always look to God to give both me and hubby the guidance, wisdom and knowledge to grow together in our marriage and boy, is marriage wonderful when you do that.

KeleFabulous
10 Feb 2009 12:49

I always look to God to give both me and hubby the guidance, wisdom and knowledge etc etc

I don't know about your hubby but it judging by your reply i'd say God hasn't answered that prayer. i will pray for you that He doesHe does, and pretty soon.

TheLady
10 Feb 2009 12:49

I'll ask him Cande, if he agrees I'll tell him his responsibility. Actually my mom said she is the only one allowed to have kids with my dad's surname-I guess even if he doesn't hlawula the kid will still have his surname. hehehe Cande akekho umuntu okhohlwa ukufaka icondom

BA-does a man need to hlawula if one miscarries?

tha - bang
10 Feb 2009 12:59

BA im of the belief that the bible is our guide,Just as Christ was not for the stoning of the woman who was caught in adultr i am not for denigrating people and making tem feel insignificant because they've erred./cause all have erred and come short of his glory.
yet if we were to harken to His voice and do things accordingly we wont even be having a debate such as this ,cause the God who says people should marry first is the same God who says thou shalt not commit adultary.This is for both man and women.if we trust and obey in His word life is a bit easier but when we dont it gets a bit complicated and i dont think none of us should make someone feel less off just because they are in a compromised position.ke lame lefoko

Best-Achiever
10 Feb 2009 13:02

BA-does a man need to hlawula if one miscarries?

TheLady .... Traditionally yes, if he impregnate, he must hlawula your family .... inhlawulo if for acknowledging his mistake of sleeping with you before marriage(dont know y it has to be a guy who pays it when you both agreed on it), he needs to pay inkomo kamama(compensate your mother for all her hard work which you wererebellous to ....lol), inkomo yezintombi (you are cleansing other virgins/maidens of the kraal/homestead)and finally inkomo kababa/induna(differs with community) for behaving as a man in someone's kraal ...LOL
Whether the baby survives or not, well that doesnt change that he impregnated you so he must do what needs to be done.

Best-Achiever
10 Feb 2009 13:09

Exactly thabang ... which takes us back to the point i made that..as long as our beliefs are different, then our view will also be different.

Positivity1
10 Feb 2009 13:21

The issue is not marriage but the men we meet who are not reliable! I still believe that God is able to make my dreams come true. They all can't be that bad.

Dimago
10 Feb 2009 13:22

I don't know about your hubby but it judging by your reply i'd say God hasn't answered that prayer. i will pray for you that He doesHe does, and pretty soon.
kele what are you saying?

Well said Shirmel.

Cande
10 Feb 2009 13:28

I'll ask him Cande, if he agrees I'll tell him his responsibility. Actually my mom said she is the only one allowed to have kids with my dad's surname-I guess even if he doesn't hlawula the kid will still have his surname. hehehe Cande akekho umuntu okhohlwa ukufaka icondom

What was my question kanene TheLAdy??, please translate the bold part

Phikza
10 Feb 2009 13:29

I still believe that God is able to make my dreams come true. They all can't be that bad. Lol, Positivity1..i do still believe that too.

KeleFabulous
10 Feb 2009 13:39

any topic that involves the bible is bound to get heated up. people we are all sinners. sometimes intentional sinners. who here can say they haven't lied/had impure thoughts/had sex before marriage/ aren't vain/etc etc etc? so why do you think it's ok for you to say such and such is immoral for the next person?

the world we're living in is far from perfect. so if you find yourself in a situation (planned or unplanned) of being a single parent, no one has a right to tell you if it's right or wrong, so long as you're doing the best you can as a parent to that child, that's all that matters. some people make for horrible parents and a marriage does not guarantee a happy home for the child(ren).

JadaPinkett
10 Feb 2009 13:43

ANGASHADI BAYOSHISWA ESIHOGWENI

TheLady
10 Feb 2009 13:55

Oops Cande-I meant Cody-apologies. I need new lenses

TheLady
10 Feb 2009 13:56

Thanx BA-inzima ke leyo

Cody
10 Feb 2009 13:56

nna i would love to get married although i am two ways about this subject, with a shortage of men, some of us wont get married some of us will, so what should happen if you dont get married? do you have to remain childless for the rest of your life? somehow TheLady is correct, it is no one's fault if guys dont propose.

sjura
10 Feb 2009 14:03

spot on KELE!!!!!!!!!!!!

realist
10 Feb 2009 14:04

No Realist I beleave marriege is a contract between two poeple who are in love not that you have to choose one or the other
Never the less it is still a contract. Hasn’t it occurred to you when people say I’m happily married and not happily in love? Why is that?

For those who are happily married answer this:
Marriage like any contract is based on self interest. No one loves someone for Love's sake, but for self interest, gaining something of value from the partner. When that interest is absent the contract dies or if outside forces threatens, contract binds more.

True or false? Either way substantiates.

When you decide to get married to your boyfriend, what did you base your decision on? Please don’t come with the notion of I loved him more than anything because it is all crap.

Cody
10 Feb 2009 14:10

realist - shame, poor you, it is clear that you've never love wholeheartedly.anyway that is how you see the world, we dont all see it with the same eyes.

realist
10 Feb 2009 14:25

Cody:The problem with most women is that they base their love on emotions and not on logic. Since no man is married to a woman and please lets not argue about that fact. A man when he is ready to commit, the decision is not purely based on love alone but on several factors which apply at the time. These factors differ from man to man.

Consequently when a woman decides to get married to the man, she has her own reasons why she is committing hence you see most women say I’m happily married and not happily in love. You know why? Because once she gets the contract she is very much happy. Correct me if I am wrong.

BTW cody, I am still married to the same commander in chief.

realist
10 Feb 2009 14:28

Cody: I forgot one more thing. Once you are married you will become a philosopher trust me, you will see.

Shirmell
10 Feb 2009 14:35

Realist, this is for you:

I say this to alot of people because this is my personal feeling, I am more inlove with my husband now than I was when we first got married. Why?

I know my husband now, with all his faults, flaws, the good things and the things that irritate me and I'm simply inlove, marriage is when two people compliment each other in all ways making the total whole co's nobody's perfect, everyone has strengths and weaknesses, if brought together and used correctly, you can make for a dynamite marriage.

All too often, we look at our partner's weaknesses and make a big noise about that, nowadays I look at myself and yes there's things I can't change about my husband, its not my job to play God in his life in any case, if its God's will for changes to take place, He will let it happen IN HIS TIME.

KeleF, I'm the last one to speak about sin, as you pointed out, we all sin and fall short but we should at least try to live in obedience to the Spirit who convicts us of our sins which means that when we intentionally sin, God knows its intentional and thats the sad part.

How would we feel if our kids intentionally disobey us, would'nt we feel disappointed?

Cody
10 Feb 2009 14:46

okay realist i am not denying that some people marry just to fulfill their selfish needs or to get the contract so yes, i get you now, you are saying all these things because o tseba ka wena (they apply to you)hore you got married just to get the contract not out of love. but to me, love and marriage should go together,(you dont have to necessarily agree with me here, this is just what i believe) although love alone is not enough but should be the foundation of a marriage.

Once you are married you will become a philosopher trust me, you will see.

i am sure i will girl, but nna i know my reasons why i would want to get married and it is certainly not for the contract, or saying "im happily married" (this sounds very, errr...let me not say the word) what is it that makes you happy in a marriage kanthe? it certainly cant be the contract or the money only,(then again, some people are happy with just those things) there should be a lot of things that involve marriage that are going well in order for a person to state that they are happily married . so next time you hear someone say they are happily married, please dont be so naive and automatically assume that they are just saying it because they got the contract or not in love with their husbands.

like i said Realist, people dont see the world with the same eyes hence we will ALWAYS have a difference in opinion. i am not going to argue with you regarding your beliefs because they work for you.

realist
10 Feb 2009 14:46

I say this to alot of people because this is my personal feeling, I am more inlove with my husband now than I was when we first got married. Why?

I know my husband now, with all his faults, flaws, the good things and the things that irritate me and I'm simply inlove, marriage is when two people compliment each other in all ways making the total whole co's nobody's perfect, everyone has strengths and weaknesses, if brought together and used correctly, you can make for a dynamite marriage.
Wholeheartedly I agree with you, only one problem. Why are you saying happily married and not happily in love? What changed? Is it because now you have a contract with him

realist
10 Feb 2009 14:52

Cody: Now we are on the same page. I agree with you on your points above.

Shirmell
10 Feb 2009 14:58

LOL Happily married is such a cliche, isn't it?

I prefer calling my marriage a covenant between me, hubby and Jesus Christ.

Cody
10 Feb 2009 14:58

Why are you saying happily married and not happily in love? What changed? Is it because now you have a contract with him

some might say that because they got the contract, some might say that because being happily in love lead them to marriage, which they see as the next step from just being happily in love confirm and seal their love for each other with marriage.

Cody
10 Feb 2009 15:06

oh realist it does not mean they are no longer in love or their love has change. Nothing has changed they went to a better step.

LOL Happily married is such a cliche, isn't it?
I prefer calling my marriage a covenant between me, hubby and Jesus Christ.

True shirmell because it can mean a lot of things to different people i dont see anything wrong with people saying they are happily married if they really are, now tell me, why did you say this, did you say that because you have a contract as suggested by realist or you are really happily married?

I'm a mega fan of marriage, I'm 10 years happily married and too many people around me are getting divorced sometimes for very silly reasons.

Shirmell
10 Feb 2009 15:23

Cody, you have no idea how I feel about marriage, its something very very sacred to me and the fact that many are choosing to divorce, it just tears me up. Its like I know that people can work things out if they are both willing to forgive and to work at the problem but sadly too many choose divorce and its not always the answer.

I have two divorced sisters-in law and just to see how lonely they are, how their kids would love to have their old lives back, its simply heartbreaking.

They even admit that if they had another chance they would really handle things differently.

I'm planning to do a marriage course at another church and try to introduce it into our church because too often there are many wives in church without their husbands and I think doing this course would be a good place to start tackling sensitive issues in marriage. This 7 week course has been done by lots of couples already and all have the most positive things to say. I do believe God has put this in my heart because I'm very passionate about marriage and helping couples to succeed in their marital woes.

So there TVObserver, you've opened a can of worms with me with this blog.LOL

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