A casual stroll in a mall during lunch lands me in a bookshop looking at self-help books… Eagerly looking for a book that will answer the questions burning inside such as “What is my purpose here? Why am I here in this world? What have I done that makes my life meaningful? What can I do to make my life feel meaningful?” I know that no book will ever answer these questions except my heart and my self-knowledge but I persist in finding the answer hidden inside a book.
I grab “Don’t sweat the small stuff” by Richard Carlson and walk with what I would call “a determined, reassured and hopeful strides” to the cashier to pay for my “big find”. The cashier tells me the book is a “huge hit and has flown off the shelves”. I smile and feel a bubbling excitement as I hear this reassuring statement that I made the right choice.
Right next to the till are two notebooks; a blood-red notebook titled “Don’ts for wives 1913” and a dark-blue notebook titled “Don’ts for husbands 1913”. I grab the wives version and ask the cashier “where is the Do’s for wives version?” with an eager broad crocodile smile. She looks at me and smiles back, gives in to the laugh and replies “If you read the Don’ts you’ll get the indication on the Do’s”… We both laugh loudly at this!
I clutch the book close to me and page thru it – looks like only 20 pages and I am certain I can read it in 5 minutes flat! The font looks tiny but doesn’t faze me. So I gladly thank whoever allowed the bookstore to have a couch section for browsing the books and settle myself in to read this “Don’ts” book.
actual booksize and cover
30 minutes later, long after my allocated “lunch hour”, I stand up and try to compare how different life seems to the 1913’s (almost a 100 years ago) when women had such handy books to gear them for being a wife, how women were expected to behave and how most of the “Don’ts” do NOT apply today but most are so generic that you have to apply them. Blanche Ebutt, the author, seemed to have seen such ‘expectant’ behaviors from engaged women that you get the sense that she had to “burst their bubble” on marriage about finances, handling entertainment, household chores, in-laws and yourself.
Some of the Don’ts I felt could maybe be applied to today are
Don’t scold your husband in public (very true)
Don’t wear the same nightgown (this made me laugh) each evening
Don’t let your husband come to a household that has not been aired – open
the windows and let some air circulate.
Don’t use all your allowance- save some for a “rainy day”
Don’t forget to dress up for your husband
Don’t let your husband come home to a house full of noisy children, they must quiten down and clean-up before he gets home.
Don’t be jealous of your husbands relationship with his daughter.
Don’t allow your in-laws to visit – he must visit them! (this creacked me up!) .
Don't call your husband "Daddy" or "Father".
Don't turn down any invitation he makes for guests. Entertain them.
It was a refreshing read and I am going back tomorrow to read the blue notebook!