One thing that has really characterised this lot of Survivor contestants this season is that they’re really slow on the uptake – yes, even more so than usual. Even some of the more savvy players only seem to cotton onto certain things much slower than they should.
Take the devious duo of Todd and Amanda who are only now realising that giving the most physical player and one of the biggest threats in the game access to two immunity idols was probably a Bad Idea.
Todd especially was pissed off at James for having such an easy ride to the final four. He took over the role of Lead Complainer from Courtney and started bitching about just about everyone, but especially James himself. Maybe Todd should turn some of that bitchy attitude towards himself for having put James in that position rather than being snitty about everyone else. Maybe if Mr Mastermind hadn’t told James where the other idol could be found or made James promise to give him the other immunity idol in exchange for the information, he might not be in such a foul mood.
Get a clue
Jeff must have been feeling exceptionally cruel during the Reward Challenge because it was a two-team challenge featuring a schoolyard pick. With nine people, it meant one person didn’t even get a shot at playing for a reward. As expected, it came down to Courtney and Denise, but since this was a rare challenge which called for a weigh-nothing, Courtney was the one picked. Poor Denise looked like the saddest lunchlady in all the land sitting on the sidelines.
Courtney still performed pretty badly, just in case you think her getting picked was somewhat justified. The other team, consisting of Jean Robert, James, Todd, and Amanda, won a trip to an ancient Chinese village for a traditional meal, as well as the last clue to the not-so-hidden-anymore immunity idols.
As the four of them enjoyed Chinese fare like fish and chicken feet (I kid you not, they really seemed to be enjoying the chicken feet), they discussed the clues to the immunity idol. JR was surprised that there even was a hidden immunity idol. Memo to JR: Rosebud is a sled, Vader is Luke’s father, and Bruce Willis was dead all along. All caught up to the rest of the world now? Good, let’s move on.
The other three diners tried to play it straight while JR discussed with them this wild and shocking new information. He was drunk too so he was even more incoherent than you’d expect. “Where do you guys think the American immunity idol is?” he slurred as the others tried to figure out exactly what an American immunity idol was. A small wooden sculpture of Kelly Clarkson? Who knows.
Déjà vu all over again
Back at camp, PG had a good look around and noticed that she was there with all the remaining former John Woo members, Courtney, and Denise, sulking over not having been chosen for any team. PG then formed her latest plan, which was to convince the four of them to vote with her for JR. Certainly a better plan than relying on a wooden block found lying on the floor and hoping it’s an immunity idol that fell out of someone’s pants.
That night after returning to camp, JR got up in the middle of the night to look for the not-so-hidden-anymore immunity idol. To his credit, he figured out the right place. Less to his credit, he too picked a wooden block at random from those he had pried off and thought he had found the idol.
I was giddily anticipating a repeat of the Jaime debacle complete with Jeff throwing another random wooden block to the flames but Erik had to ruin my fun. When JR confided in him that he’d found the idol, he revealed that James already had both idols.
JR confronted James about it, making hilarious statements like “You knew I’d figure it out sooner or later” and “No-one told me, I figured it out all on my own” and threatening to take him down if he didn’t include him in his plans. James played dumb but JR did not believe him and decided he would take him down in revenge.
JR approached Todd and “warned” him that James had two immunity idols squirreled away and that they had to vote him out. Todd was all “cool, let’s do it” before running to Amanda and telling her that JR wanted to vote off James and they had to vote off JR first. She was all “dude, didn’t you want to blindside James for fun like five minutes into the episode?” but he insisted that JR absolutely had to be eliminated.
Amanda interviewed that Todd was all over the place and that a good player needed to be confident in their choices and stick to the plan. Ooh, I bet she’s been reading the Sun Tzu. I’d argue that a good player needs to be able to change his plans when they’re going wrong but I’m a regular home viewer, not a famous Chinese warlord myself. In this case, I’m with Todd on getting rid of a JR gone all mavericky.
The joker
The key to winning the Immunity Challenge was to have a good sense of balance and not weigh very much. It’s no surprise then that the girl with a negative body percent of fat aced it. Courtney won her first challenge and looked ready to snap in two with the idol around her neck.
Courtney proclaimed she did not give a crap who went home now that she’d won immunity. She did seem a bit underwhelmed when her alliance suggested JR as the alternate vote to PG. She compared JR’s constant vote presence in TC to Susan Lucci, nominated an absurd amount of times for an Emmy without winning. But, dear Courtney, if you know your trivia of soap opera award show history (and who among us doesn’t?) you’ll know that Susan Lucci eventually won her Emmy. Tee hee.
Since it did not feature any fake immunity idols being played, TC was inevitably far less interesting than last week’s. It did feature James laughing at Erik’s charming attempts to stir up dissent among the Failing alliance, and calling him cute. Ooh, you better watch out, Jaime, someone’s after your man.
James chose not to play either of his hidden immunity idols. The vote was thus very nerve-wracking as the PG bloc was voting for him as well and there was a chance he might actually go gome. My thought process as the votes were read out went approximately like this:
omgomgomgmomgomgOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGYAAAAAAY!!!
JR was the one with the most votes. Looks like they called your bluff, Pokerface. In his exit speech, he took the opportunity to congratulate himself on how he’s played the game. Yes, congratulations on being an extremely shitty player, JR. It’s not often we see someone as hilariously inept on the show. He also added that old and hoary chestnut, that he’d been voted out because he was the biggest threat in the game. This is about as true for him as it is for the other 17,000 players who have said it.
To succeed at poker, you have to be tough
Know how to read and know how to bluff
To better your rivals, you have to be bold
Know when to play and know when to fold
Most of all, you need to be aware
That your skill at the game is equal to theirs
If not, you might find yourself owing a bit more
Than you ever thought you were playing for