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Dating him to keep him

Written by Madamzee from the blog What 2 do? on 16 Sep 2009
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After months and possibly years of meeting strings of Mr Incompatible’s and meeting that man that makes you want to give up your morals and go bezerk, yes, that man that finally makes your heart skip a beat can be such an exciting thing.

The conversation, personality, the dress code, interests, future plans, and oh yes the most important one, “the kiss” seems to be in conjunction with yours and you think to yourself wow! I think we might just work! But hey, starting a new relationship can be such a drag! 

him

Now after dating for a month you start worrying about the nitty gritties, you start thinking of a plan to put the cat in the bag, zip it and seal, basically taking him, to keep him. Oh! The initial stages of a new relationship can be demanding, now that you are at the “impressing” stage, you become afraid of scaring him off, boring him to death, and coming across as too needy or too easy. You don’t want him to think that you are desperate. Yah joys of being a lady!

You start doing a research on how to keep him. You bombard your male friends with questions on what men like, how you must act in front of him, you go to our ever faithful google and google tips on How to keep him interested because now you want the relationship to go from a casual one to a “my boyfriend” kinda relationship. 



As you guessed it bloggers I’ve been out of action for a while and have struggled to meet men that don’t do it for me, they last 2-3 days and I just scratch them off my list, a month is the longest I have gone so far, with this guy, I really enjoying him, we’ve been dating every weekend, the excitements keeps on mounting up everytime we meet, we spend hours on the phone, and a day never goes by without checking up on each other, and I am really starting to like him and I want to keep him as my boyfriend, so with me and my research, ba re konna:

• I must not give it up too soon, at least cut the cake after 3 months, men love the cookie challenge. (which my hormones are struggling with, they don’t understand 3 months, lol)
• I must not complain or nag, men hate naggers, be pleasant, and give him a fake smile even if you are burning up inside.
• I should definitely make myself unavailable at times, miss his calls and call him back after 2hrs or not calling back at all, men love mystery.
• Refuse to go on an immediate date, I should at least tell him to make an appointment with me.
• I should never ever say the three magic words “I love you”, before he does.
• I must always look good and smell good.
• Make him feel like he is on a vacation when he visits.
• Respect him
• Make him feel jealous to lift up his blood pressure a bit, just to test how he is starting to feel.
• Be graceful

Now I have heard them all, for those who are in relationships, how did you keep your man? What are the dos and don’ts in a relationship? What do men like and dislike? I can see myself dodging some bullets,Common bloggers don’t shoot me neh? Im new……lol!




47 Comments

Madamzee
16 Sep 2009 13:28

Yah neh

maud
16 Sep 2009 13:35

be yourself he must love you for what you are, because if you do it will be a dissaster when your true you comes out.

GML
16 Sep 2009 13:36

Dont try finding him he will find you

cleve
16 Sep 2009 13:40

Eish I haven't been in the dating game for so long!!!!!!!! I miss it sometimes

Supa
16 Sep 2009 13:41

• Refuse to go on an immediate date, I should at least tell him to make an appointment with me......Yep!!!

I should never ever say the three magic words “I love you”, before he does...YEP!!!

• I must always look good and smell good.
...YEP!!!

• Respect him
......YEP

Be graceful.....YEP!!!......

Madamzee
16 Sep 2009 13:49

Ture Maud,i know i cant pretend to be someone im not, but hey i just want to impress him. 

GML, he found me dear.....
Cleve, are you married? or dont you want to go out anymore?
Supa, why did you skip the 30 days cookie challenge? on that note does it work guys? who has been able to pull it off? how to you do that?

cleve
16 Sep 2009 13:52

Yes Madamze I am married but when I started dating he was the first guy I was with and ended up marrying him. Otherwise it was just flirting and I miss that. I lose interest very fast.......... so flirting helped me those days

lady gaga
16 Sep 2009 13:53

just be yourself gal , like me my boyfriend knows that i nag and always complain and also make sure that i look good and smell good (even though he knows my down sides) but he still loves me for being me.....

Madamzee
16 Sep 2009 13:55

Wow Cleve you lucky fish! phela nna i've been thru a lot of relationship. there must be something im doing wrong or sometimes they are the ones that just dont do it for me.

Onna
16 Sep 2009 14:02

I would say do all the things you will be able to keep doing for a long time. If you pretend to be someone you are not then sooner or later the true you will come out then you loose your mr potential. So looking good, smelling nice, and all the other stuff you will have to keep up for good, that is if he is to be in your world for keeps. And yes keep some tricks up your sleeve to keep the relationship and relations interesting.

Madamzee
16 Sep 2009 14:06

Lady Gaga, i hear what you are saying girl, did you start out with your boyfriend being the nagging girlfriend? it is no about acting to be someone else its all about improving on the person that you are, basically looking for tips to improve myself.

Onna, i just want you right there, give me atleast 2 tricks!

beckyre
16 Sep 2009 14:07

Stand your ground and be yourself but in a nice way.

lady gaga
16 Sep 2009 14:08

cleve just thank God for sending u that man in ur life, bcs he saved u from lots of heartaches and dispointments from differend guys. o nale mahlatse gal

Supa
16 Sep 2009 14:11

Supa, why did you skip the 30 days cookie challenge?.....Well ths is a bit of a dicey one...Never argue wth nature...LOL...kidding...this one stays like that..30 days it is!!!!

lady gaga
16 Sep 2009 14:12

@madamzee, yeah i hear u gal but dnt wait for him to find out later what kind of a person u are, rather have him see u for who u really are in the beginning and if he is urs then it will show, by him being there despite ur (if i may call it) weaknesses. 

it does not mean u'll always be like that angithi!

Madamzee
16 Sep 2009 14:15

ditto lady gaga, i wished it would be like that for me,but going thru men like hot knife in butter is not a good experience, hence im looking for ways to improve on the person that i am already.

Supa, lol,yeah man, nature is a bit tricky maan!

Supa
16 Sep 2009 14:15

And yes keep some tricks up your sleeve to keep the relationship and relations interesting.....YEP....

 

Madamzee
16 Sep 2009 14:18

okay, maybe i should have asked for tips to keep him on his toes! because that is what i want to do.

Supa..tricks please sana!

Supa
16 Sep 2009 14:19

be yourself but in a nice way......Never swing character..be urself all the way!!!

GML
16 Sep 2009 14:22

then why try to keep him?
He found you, so he shuold be trying to keep you dear

lady gaga
16 Sep 2009 14:23

uyasha maan madamzee.....lol joking sweety

ok try this tell him u want him everyday , anywhere and anytime of the day. even if u dnt mean it, (im trying to help ne)

HARAMBE24
16 Sep 2009 14:24

KWAKWAKWA...masadi le a mpolaya waitse...u like playing games nee...? All these so called googled advice are just games and i think wena sweetie u should go with what works for you.

• I must not give it up too soon, at least cut the cake after 3 months, men love the cookie challenge. (which my hormones are struggling with, they don’t understand 3 months, lol)  - sweetie, if he wants to bonk you and leave you, he might even wait till next year...this is not an insuarance that he will be impressed with you. Its just a game, is he up for it?
• I must not complain or nag, men hate naggers, be pleasant, and give him a fake smile even if you are burning up inside.  - honey, this is obvious - gay or staight - no body wants a nagger..but you better perfect the act of faking a smile
• I should definitely make myself unavailable at times, miss his calls and call him back after 2hrs or not calling back at all, men love mystery. what? are we back to high school - this is just a game that women play...honey, if  u miss his call, he will call Pinkie...
• Refuse to go on an immediate date, I should at least tell him to make an appointment with me. load of bull, coz u know u want to go with him - duh, just go - another game
• I should never ever say the three magic words “I love you”, before he does. Sweetie, for you to wait until he says he loves you does not mean that you have control in the relationship, it just means your afraid to be honest with him - so what if you love him and tell him - duh 
• I must always look good and smell good. - OBVIOUS
• Make him feel like he is on a vacation when he visits.  For how long will you keep up..
• Respect him and he must respect you
• Make him feel jealous to lift up his blood pressure a bit, just to test how he is starting to feel.  another games, jealousy is so 90's
• Be graceful - yeah right...LOL

PS: This comes from a gay man who has indulged in so many failed relationships that i care to remember..so dont take it to heart.

Onna
16 Sep 2009 14:30

I cant really prescribe for you what tricks. But as time went by i learned that keeping a man happy is hard work, but when done good you reap the rewards. Find something that he likes and take interest in that. Try and develop mutual interests too. And i noticed in my hubbi even before we married that he likes good food so i feed him good. Also umdavazo when you finally give it should be interesting. Read miss2legs blog, there are a lot of things she said that would help. That said, good luck with your new find. I hope he is also into you as you are.

Ms. Jay
16 Sep 2009 14:35

LOL H24, if u miss his call, he will call Pinkie......kwakwakwkawkakwakwkakwak

maud
16 Sep 2009 14:37

the important part is wether he loves and he also want to keep you, beside you will be working 24 hrs trying to impress, he will never be impressed trust me, abaneli ,i have been there done that , until i stopped trying.

Sips
16 Sep 2009 14:38

You start doing a research on how to keep him. You bombard your male friends with questions on what men like, how you must act in front of him, you go to our ever faithful google and google tips on How to keep him interested because now you want the relationship to go from a casual one to a “my boyfriend” kinda relationship. Why do we always do that people...oh do guys do that or is always us woman...
.I must not give it up too soon, at least cut the cake after 3 months, men love the cookie challenge. (which my hormones are struggling with, they don’t understand 3 months, lol)...Eish that one becomes quite difficult...i think if a guy's after only your cookie he can wait even for longer than that - and still leaves you after getting it...mna if  want to give him my cookie i do and if i don't i don't....
• I must not complain or nag, men hate naggers, be pleasant, and give him a fake smile even if you are burning up inside...Yeah..
• I should definitely make myself unavailable at times, miss his calls and call him back after 2hrs or not calling back at all, men love mystery...Okay - but why...he could be dead by then..LOL...
• Refuse to go on an immediate date, I should at least tell him to make an appointment with me...But i love it whn he phns me & b  like "wht r u doing tonite? & i'd be like..umm....why? thn he says can we meet tonite - i know its short notice and u might have plans but there's this happening & i'd lov to go wit u & i miss you...and i'd say - no i can't u should hv askd me earlier & bla bla bla...then he tries to twist my arm & stuff...and i'd end up saying okay..
• I should never ever say the three magic words “I love you”, before he does. Eish....what happens when he doesn't say them or when he says them and wena you're not there yet....
• I must always look good and smell good. Yes
• Make him feel like he is on a vacation when he visits...what? be all over the place, serving him this & that...hayi - maybe we should say something else here
• Respect him - Yes
• Make him feel jealous to lift up his blood pressure a bit, just to test how he is starting to feel. - make him?? no..
• Be graceful Yep 

mstick
16 Sep 2009 14:40

eish im just lazy to read Cleve-age please give me a summary....it looks very interesting mara ke a tswafa

Supa
16 Sep 2009 14:41

the golden words still ring untill now....thers no formula on how to run a relationshp....funny how now adays we plan on how to love one another....(most are pressured by time and the jonesses next door....we have missed rather are jumping stages fueled with nasty egocentric moods..expecting beyond what nature offers )...

Sslave
16 Sep 2009 14:50

I believe that there are different men out there. What i don't get about these "rules" is the generalization. I am a living proof that men are different and they prefer different people. A lot of people never thought id have a man who would want to marry me. I scared a lot of people away and i didn't give a f*** cause i was just being me. I am far from perfect but i have a man who loves me perfectly.

JUST BE YOURSELF!

Supa
16 Sep 2009 14:50

• I should never ever say the three magic words “I love you”, before he does. Eish....what happens when he doesn't say them or when he says them and wena you're not there yet......  mmmmmm...eish gals ....you will know when both of u are there....and if u cnt wait ...ask him..."i love you and u??"...lol...or "i can tell u love me..i love u too"...lol....lol

Madamzee
16 Sep 2009 14:53

if u miss his call, he will call PinkieLOL  ROTFLMAO!!!!  Harambe!!! you killed me with everything!so you are basically saying i shouldnt care whether he stays or not.

Sips lol at making your man beg you, what would you say if he just says, you are busy okay then, sharp! sho the embarassment, you could kick yourself for saying no.

I am aware of that saying that if he wants to bonk you he will bonk you regardless of the cookie challenge. but i know most men cant wait that long, so its better to wait and keep your pride. but hay bathong, there are these things called hormones, dangerous i tell ya!

mathata
16 Sep 2009 14:54

this relationship thing they are like bush,you dont know what will happen,you lost touch to yourself bcs you want to make someone happy.

At my age ...to be honest,im confused with relationships.

Tshilo
16 Sep 2009 15:11


At my age ...to be honest,im confused with relationships

me too Mathata,

HARAMBE24
16 Sep 2009 15:19

Madamzee...all i am saying is , there is nothing you can do to keep him if he doesnt want to say, but if he is a keeper - he will stay with you...

Best-Achiever
16 Sep 2009 15:22

Madamzee ... If there were any formulae for love and relationships then there'd be no heartache. You can always control how you do things but you'll never control how the other person receive it.

So i'd say be yourself, the first person to look after in a relationship is yourself because you'll never know what the next person thinks, they might say things they dont mean or mean things they dont say, so if it happens that he leaves you, be sure that he left you with your pride!

mathata
16 Sep 2009 15:47

@harambe,tjo you are life saver mafra ... maaka ga batlege.

@Tshilo,sometimes you tell yourself im just playing,later you find yourself hooked to this person,or you love someone you find out he doesnt care about you,worst thing he doesnt even know your last name.

Cody
16 Sep 2009 15:51

LOL bloggers, Madamzee, long time no see girl! anyway, everyone seems to be saying you should be yourself, which is true, dont concerntrate too much on this guy that you end up loosing yourself. he will just love you, with warts and all.

Why dont you rather leave everything in the hands of the creator pray about it and quit trying to impress him, just be yourself and enjoy the relationship while praying for God's guidance.

Madamzee
16 Sep 2009 16:01

you find out he doesnt care about you

Eish mathata wa buwa moo girl!

Sips
16 Sep 2009 16:04

@Supa - yeah so if you love him just tell him...funny how now adays we plan on how to love one another....(most are pressured by time and the jonesses next door....we have missed rather are jumping stages fueled with nasty egocentric moods..expecting beyond what nature offers )...oh! tell me about it - why the hell do we do that mara...

@Madamzee - eish...i know hey...hahahahah - i think i should stop doing tht coz i do it a lot 
you lost touch to yourself bcs you want to make someone happy...yho! mathata - and it happens - u know i meet my ex whn i was 19, moved in with him at 21 at the end of the year - just after i finish studying (my excuse was he's the only person i know in cape town mama and it'll just be for a two months - then i'd hav found my feet) beginning of the third year sihlala together - things changed then i moved out - after staying on my own i realised that i had lost touch with myself b/z i started noticing things about myself that i didn't while i was staying with him...relationships are confusing indeed...wonder if with gay's & lesbian's its this confusing...

Supa
16 Sep 2009 16:22

dont concerntrate too much on this guy that you end up loosing yourself. he will just love you, with warts and all.......

 Dont focus too much on him alone but urself  aswell..true u dont want to loose urself..mainly the inner most self...coz what he saw and loved the 1st tym is what u need to uphold and polish as u stride...the rest the Almighty will spice up if u ask..If u both ask....Respect is crucial...it leads u both too respect the relationshp platform u embark on.....Oh Man love to be praise all the tym..even if unentloko enkulu....say..*I love u and ur big head*...and giggle...lol...kidding..

Ruby Red
16 Sep 2009 16:28

while we like blogging about formulas to a relationship we all know that what works for one couple does not necessarily apply to other couples or to you for that matter.
and why go to all this trouble to impress him, to keep him? i feel if you do that then you are diverging from the primary purpose of being in a relationship.........BE HAPPY!
the whole idea of being with someone is to get happines. how much of it are you going to have if you are:
going to starve yourself of mdavazo simply because I must not give it up too soon, at least cut the cake after 3 months, men love the cookie challenge. (which my hormones are struggling with, they don’t understand 3 months, lol) 
we are assuming that the whole population of ladies(or guys) that he knows are not gonna put out for him? frankly i feel he will play along withthis and get his cake elsewhere, sex is no longer a game of conquests, or a battle of the sexes. if you want it get it, you only punishing yourself, unless you too are getting it from somewhere.
.hayibo-o! why in hell would i do this? remember if you are always bottling up what you feel inside, it is bound to explode• I must not complain or nag, men hate naggers, be pleasant, and give him a fake smile even if you are burning up inside. does he return the favour.
• I should definitely make myself unavailable at times, miss his calls and call him back after 2hrs or not calling back at all, men love mystery.
• Refuse to go on an immediate date, I should at least tell him to make an appointment with me.
• I should never ever say the three magic words “I love you”, before he does.
• I must always look good and smell good.
YEAH
• Make him feel like he is on a vacation when he visits. , or is he the son of Shaka Zulu that i must bend over backwards to keep him?
• Respect him. if he respects you too.
• Make him feel jealous to lift up his blood pressure a bit, just to test how he is starting to feel. be careful, be careful oh, ooh!
• Be graceful YEAH.

i may sound a bit off, but i go thru life on several philosophies, one of which is: if the sweating outweighs the sweetness, it aint worth it.

however if the man is worth it, in looks, manner, character and wallet, then i say weigh your odds and go for it.

Ruby Red
16 Sep 2009 16:39

i got a question, what happens when he finds out you were not your true self, 90% of the time?
he will just hit it and leave it!

Supa
16 Sep 2009 16:42

what happens when he finds out you were not your true self, 90% of the time?...depends on how untrue u were...hey???

mathata
16 Sep 2009 16:48

the problem is men are not open like Gays,you dont know what makes him happy.

if you ask ,you are f** pushy,if you giveit to him too much ,they label you like a slut.

he takes you out every weekend,once you gain is your problem,why is he taking you out?

men i dont understand them,but they like bitches..slut..difebe

Smilo
16 Sep 2009 16:58

Supa
16 Sep 2009 17:01

men i dont understand them,but they like bitches..slut..difebe....

Ouch ouch ouch...!!!! We dont understand ourselvs most of the tym...but will never admitt to that..unless i c ur tht heart welcomes my weaknesses (not talking abt sniffing around block)...talking abt falling of the our platform....now and again etc

but trusting that one was well groomed...I think the role my mother played myt not be that differnt from roles played by another nurtureres (care givers, mothers, sisters ).. out there...Was taught how to receive and respect women of all ages and colours...

Storrm
16 Sep 2009 19:42

Ur mama tought u well then Supa...wuever is in ur life is blessed, theres nothing more sexier then a man wu knows that women deserve respect


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